The Other Option
by Sheherazade's Fable
Summary: AU During his quest for Shaw Erik stops by a town he stayed at after the war, not expecting anything to make him want to stay. So when the woman he left behind and never truly forgot introduces him to his six-year-old daughter Lorna, things become complicated very fast. Is there really another option?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **I figured that I'd post the oneshot for the first chapter for everyone who hasn't read that, but don't worry. I'm posting the next chapter today too in the interests of fairness._

* * *

December 7, 1952

At six years old, Lorna knew a couple of things. She knew that the ceiling dripped when it rained, that there were mice under the floorboards. She knew that her clothes were mended in many ways and places, more than the other girls at school. She knew that the girls at school were jerks for making fun of it.

She knew that she preferred snow to the summer, that her favorite color was green, like the eyes that she shared with her mother. She knew that the town they lived in was rundown and struggling. Lorna knew that she had no father.

She also knew that she loved her mother. Her mother was beautiful and light, always with a smile for anyone. Lorna was six, still old enough to be tucked in, and she saw that her mother's hands were calloused. The rest of her was so delicate, but her skin was rough from hard work. She'd often met her at the diner she worked at after school, balancing a dozen trays at once. She'd seen her mother sigh and fall asleep on the couch, too tired to move to her own rickety bed from late nights at her job.

More than once Lorna had wished for something to make her mother happy. She knew that her mother was happy with her, but she had a vague, uneasy feeling that she wasn't happy with her life. It was a difficult idea for a six-year-old to wrap their head around, and even harder to try to fix.

What would make her happy? Christmas was around the corner, and she'd imagined that she could get her something beyond her usual popsicle stick art from school. Lorna was all out of gift ideas though, and she only had seventy cents in her piggy bank. There was no chance that she was going to be able to get her mother something nice.

A good gift might have been her good behavior, but she'd failed at that. Lorna touched her black eye and swung her legs over the chair. It was faint, but it was still there. Santa Claus would put her on the naughty list for sure for this. Her mother hated fighting, and she knew that she would be disappointed.

She bowed her head as she saw her mother come out of the principal's office. The principal looked angry and her mother looked serene.

"I certainly will ask my daughter to stop using her fists to solve arguments," her mother said, her voice airy, "And I recommend that you teach your students to confine their language to the bounds of decency."

Her mother turned away from the principal and took Lorna's hand. Lorna got up, swinging her books next to her. She knew that she was still in trouble, that her mother was still angry, but she didn't know what else to do.

The walk back to their rickety apartment was quiet. She looked at the snow around them and shivered in her coat. It was winter break now, and she knew that she'd gotten off to a miserable start. Lorna wondered what she could do to get off the naughty list.

Her mother opened the door and shut it behind her. It squeaked. She knelt down in front of Lorna and began undoing her scarf. Lorna shrugged off her coat and hung it off, still upset.

"Sit on the couch," she said, her voice soft, "And then we'll talk."

Lorna nodded. She sat on the couch as her mother did something in the kitchen. When she came out again she had two cups of hot chocolate. Lorna blinked. She only got hot chocolate when she was really good.

"Take a sip," her mother said.

Lorna did so, holding the warm mug in her hands.

"Now," her mother said, her voice gentle, "What happened?"

Looking down Lorna counted the swirls in the hot chocolate.

"It was my turn on the slide," Lorna said.

Her mother nodded.

"But Mabel cut," Lorna said, "So I told her not to. She laughed."

Lorna took another sip.

"So I cut in front of her and she got mad," Lorna said, "Mabel said that I was a...I don't wanna say it, and that you were a..."

She trailed off.

"Don't wanna say it," Lorna said.

"And then you hit her," her mother said.

"And then her brother hit me," Lorna said.

She wished that she'd seen Mabel's brother a few kids down. She hadn't though.

"And then you kicked him and pulled his hair," her mother said.

Lorna nodded.

"Lorna, you shouldn't have hurt them," her mother said.

"They hurt me," Lorna said, "I don't want them name-calling."

Her mother sighed. She put down her own mug and walked over to Lorna. She put a hand on her shoulder.

"It makes me sad when you do these things," her mother said.

"I know," Lorna said.

"It hurts worse than what they say," her mother said, "I won't have you getting in trouble for me."

Lorna nodded again, feeling small and tired.

"I'm sorry you're upset," Lorna said.

"Are you sorry for fighting?" Susanna asked.

The real answer was 'no,' but since it had made her mother upset and she was sorry for that, Lorna figured that it was almost the same thing.

"Yes," Lorna said.

She looked at her mug.

"Am I on the naughty list?" she asked.

Her mother laughed.

"Only if you don't clean your room tonight," she said.

Lorna grinned. She finished her hot chocolate and her mother got up. Her mother began picking up her books and Lorna felt better. She wouldn't fight in the future, and then it would be fine. Well, she would try.

She looked out the window, her legs swinging again. Lorna frowned.

"Mom?" she asked.

"Yes?" her mother said.

"There's someone on the front," she said.

Her mother frowned. She walked into the living room and followed Lorna's gaze. Lorna watched her mother's face go pale. Her mother swallowed.

"Lorna, why don't you go and get started on your room?" she asked.

Lorna cocked her head.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"No one," her mother said, "Now go and get started on your room."

Lorna's frown deepened. She got up and hurried into her room. Once there, Lorna didn't hesitate. She wiped some of the cold mist off her window and, using the curtain as a shield, peeped out. She didn't think of herself as nosy: just curious.

The man was still standing on the sidewalk, looking uncertain. Her mother stepped out of the house and the man's eyes widened. Lorna squinted, wishing she could hear them.

* * *

Susanna stood in the front yard, her coat wrapped around her shoulders. She knew the man on the lawn, knew that he'd left her years ago. Susanna had known then that she would never see him again, never tell him about the parting gift that he'd unknowingly given her.

She knew that he'd left to do something dangerous, something she had begged him to forget. Susanna knew that he had left her without looking back, without saying goodbye. She had known then that there was no chance of Lorna knowing her father.

However, she also knew that he was in her front lawn, if it could be called that when it belonged to a small apartment. His face softened a little at the sight of her before he coughed, no doubt realizing the awkwardness of their positions.

"I heard that I might be able to find you here," he said.

Susanna continued to look at Erik, feeling her heart pounding inside her chest. She wanted to tell him to go away, to go back into her house and shut the door. She wanted to hate him, but she'd found that, even on her darkest nights, it was impossible. He was blameless: he hadn't known about Lorna.

She glanced back at the house, feeling uncertain.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

The smile slipped on his face a little.

"Nothing I suppose," he said, "I was...passing through."

He swallowed and looked around.

"My train stopped here. The next one's in an hour, and I got to wondering if you were still here," he said.

Susanna nodded. There had been no money to go anywhere else. Not with a baby.

"You look well," he said.

She blinked at him, wondering where that had come from. Susanna knew that she was too thin, that there were probably dark circles under her eyes. She wondered if it was just something people said, if she should say it back.

Susanna looked at him again, searching for something else.

"You're travelling light," she said.

He shrugged and looked at the one bag with him.

"It's easier that way," Erik said.

Susanna closed her eyes, feeling an old hurt inside of her. She'd been that baggage once upon a time. Part of her mind screamed to tell him about Lorna, but the selfish part of her mind wanted something else.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

Erik rubbed the back of his neck.

"I wanted to see you," he said, "That's all."

She breathed out. He shrugged once before turning away.

"I'd best get going," he said.

"Wait!" Susanna said.

He turned, looking surprised. She stepped off the porch and walked up to him, her breath freezing in front of her face.

"Erik...you...when you left..." she said.

"I didn't say goodbye," he said, "I know."

"Well, yes," she said.

He sighed.

"That wasn't fair to you but I didn't want to..." Erik said.

"Hurt me?" Susanna said.

He nodded.

"Erik, the pain I felt when you left without saying anything, without letting me know that I warranted a goodbye...it tore me apart," she said, "There was nothing. No address, no note, nothing. I had to find out from the doorman that you'd left the convalescent home."

Susanna knew her voice was getting louder, but she still remembered the anguish at learning that it was just her and her unborn child against the world.

"That's not what I meant to happen," Erik said.

"But it did," Susanna said, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, "You left me! After all those times I said I'd never leave you, all those promises, all of that, you just..."

Erik's face turned into a scowl. He gritted his teeth, struggling to keep some emotion down.

"Never mind," he said, "I'm sorry for coming here and bringing all that back. It was a mistake."

Feeling desperate she reached out and touched his arm. She had to find a way to tell him about Lorna.

"Erik," Susanna said.

His eyes slid to where her hand was, and he furrowed his brows.

"I'm sorry. You have a right to be angry," Erik said, "Of course you do. I had just wondered...nothing."

She shook her head.

"You don't get to say nothing again," Susanna said.

He looked back at her, almost as though memorizing her. She wondered if it was a new memory to go in a locked file of other memories, one that he would never look into again. She wondered how many other memories he had gotten rid of.

"You couldn't have said goodbye?" she murmured.

"No," he said, "Because..."

"Because?"

Erik reached out and touched her face.

"I would have asked you to come with me," he said, "It would have been stupid, and dangerous, but...that's not what you wanted. I didn't want you to see what I would...never mind."

His fingers traced the curve of her jaw to her chin, and she felt her breath catch. She felt like she was a teenager again, looking longingly at the man that she hoped loved her back, love that she'd yearned for after the pain of losing her parents, of feeling lost.

"It's alright," Susanna said.

He laughed, the sound harsh and bitter.

"Would any of my feelings even be welcome?" he asked, "I shouldn't have come back-"

Susanna tentatively reached up and clasped his wrist. His fingers stilled on her face, and she wondered if he only then realized that he was touching her. His eyes softened, a rare sight that she had treasured when she was younger, a sight that had convinced her that he'd loved her as much as she'd loved him. Susanna had known that she was young then, but there were only two people in her life that she'd loved with that kind of fire: Erik, and the daughter who had come to fill her life after he'd gone.

"You won't know until you tell me," she said.

He stared at her. His grip on her face tightened and he brought her face up in a searing kiss. Susanna smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him as tightly as she could.

Erik's grip loosened, and he pulled her close to him. He kissed her cheek, his lips close to her ear.

"Come with me," he said.

"What?" Susanna said.

"It's madness, I know, but it's too damn late," Erik said, "It's too late to let you go now. Come with me."

She swallowed.

"I can't," she said.

Erik stiffened.

"You're married, aren't you?"

The bitterness and jealousy in his voice was overpowering. Before she could answer she felt his grip tighten.

"You can't really love him if you're not pushing me away now," he said, "You can leave this place behind. I know you never liked it-"

"I'm not married," she said.

He looked at her, surprised.

"You're not?" he asked.

"Is it really such a shock?" Susanna asked.

"Yes," Erik said.

She raised her eyebrows.

"I just mean that...well, I had quite a bit of competition once upon a time," he said.

Susanna laughed. She knew she shouldn't be laughing, but she couldn't help it. She remembered the other boys, half of which had branded her a slut when they found out she was pregnant. A few others hadn't thought that dealing with a child was worth it, and she didn't have time for the others.

"I always told you that you didn't," she said, "But I can't go with you."

"Why not?" Erik asked.

She bit her lip and pulled away from him, trying to figure out something to say. Susanna had dreamed of the moment when she could tell Erik about Lorna, but her voice stuck in her throat. Her eye flickered around her, and she caught a pair of green eyes peering at her. Lorna ducked behind her window quickly and Susanna laughed again for the second time.

Erik turned to her, confused. She smiled.

"Erik, there's someone you need to meet," she said.

She looked back at the window and beckoned. Although she didn't see her daughter, she knew Lorna had seen. She'd always been a curious one. Susanna let go of Erik and took a step back. He was still staring at her, his expression between irritation and amusement. Then the door opened.

Lorna ran out, struggling to put her coat on. She stopped by Susanna, clutching onto her pant leg.

"Who's this mom?" she asked, her eyes shining with interest.

Erik's mouth dropped open. Susanna smiled gently and put her hand on Lorna's shoulders.

"Is she...how old is she?" Erik asked, his words halting.

"That's a funny question. I'm six mister," Lorna said.

Erik stared at her. Susanna gave a tiny nod. She knew he'd understood, but he didn't say anything. Her heart missed a few beats. What on earth was he thinking?

* * *

That morning Erik had known a few things. He'd known that he'd lost Shaw's trail yet again. He'd known that his train would take him through the small town that he'd once been a recipient of a government beneficiary program. He'd known that he would revisit the place where he'd left an innocent, naïve girl with bewitching green eyes. When the train had stopped, he'd known that he would never forgive himself unless he at least searched for some news of her.

Now he knew some other things. He knew that she still cared for him, when she shouldn't. He'd realized that leaving was going to be much harder than he'd thought and that, despite his misgivings, he wanted her with him. Then she'd called for a child, and his brain had stopped for a few seconds.

He knelt down in the snow.

"If you're six," he said, "Then I'm your father."

Lorna's gaped at him. She looked up at Susanna, who nodded. He looked up at her as well.

"And I know that I'm going to miss that train," Erik said.

Shaw could wait for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

December 7, 1952

Letting Erik into her tenement apartment had been difficult. It should have been much easier, especially after what had happened. Still, the reality of the situation was creeping in, and over six years of questions were bursting through a dam.

Susanna saw Lorna's eyes, saw the way that Erik looked at her. What on earth were they thinking? Part of her didn't know how to continue. She wondered if, despite the kiss on the lawn, despite her own feelings and the feelings he claimed to have, she was making a bad decision.

He had left her before, and the practical part of her head wouldn't let her forget it. He'd left her alone to struggle and, even if he hadn't known about Lorna, he had certainly hurt her deeply. She didn't ever want to feel like that again.

But another, more hopeful part of her had spoken up. He couldn't leave her again. Not now that Lorna was there. Her daughter had sat down on the couch, asking Erik question after question. He'd glanced at Susanna before sitting down next to Lorna, patiently answering.

She looked back at them, at the way Lorna was curiously looking at Erik. He looked back at her with that same curiosity. He hadn't loved Susanna enough to stay before, and she had the sinking feeling that he might still not, but he might do it for Lorna. Susanna certainly hoped so. She was his daughter and, more than anything, Lorna deserved a father.

Susanna looked at the clock. It was almost time for dinner. She left silently and walked into the kitchen. They wouldn't notice her absence for some time. Her hands were trembling as she prepared the food. Her emotions were flowing through her and she had to close her eyes for a bit. It felt like it was all too much.

When she opened them she looked back. Lorna was showing Erik her latest school project. Erik was listening intently. However, after a moment, his eyes turned to hers. She turned away quickly and got back to her work, her hands trembling worse than before. What was she doing?

When everything was ready she set down the stew at the small table. It had three chairs because it had come in a set. At least that was taken care of. She called them in, trying to be bright and ignore what she was feeling.

As they came in Susanna was silent. She didn't quite know what to say anymore. She swallowed nervously as she sat down at the table. What did she say to the man she had loved, that she still loved, the father of her child, the man who had left and now come back?

She was glad that she didn't need to talk much. Lorna was chatting away enough for the three of them. Susanna hadn't known quite what she'd expected when she'd told Lorna that the man on the front lawn was her father. She certainly hadn't been expecting this burst of enthusiasm though.

"What do you do?" Lorna asked, taking a bite of her stew but still talking.

"Lorna," Susanna said, "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Erik smiled as Lorna swallowed.

"Like, Danny's father works on motorcycles and mama works at the diner," Lorna said.

"Does she?" Erik asked.

His eyes met hers again. She wasn't sure what it was that he was looking for.

"But what do you do?" Lorna asked.

Erik turned back at her, a smile forced on his face.

"I'm something of a traveler," he said.

"Oh, so that's why you left right?" Lorna said.

Erik blinked a bit, but Lorna pressed on. Susanna tried to cut Lorna off, but her daughter continued talking, oblivious.

"Because Mabel said her mom said it was because you were a jerk and that you'd left after you knocked up mama, whatever that means," Lorna said, "But it was your job?"

Susanna quickly cleared her throat and put her hand on Lorna's hand. Her daughter looked up, surprised and innocent. Susanna let go of her hand and tucked a lock of her daughter's brown hair behind her ear.

"Lorna, don't pester your father too much. It's time for bed," she said.

"Awww," Lorna said, her eyes going back to Erik, "But I wanna stay up!"

"Help me clear up the dishes, and then it's time for bed," Susanna said, her voice firm, "He'll still be here in the morning Lorna."

As soon as the words left her mouth she glanced over at Erik. She'd just taken it for granted that he would still be there. He didn't seem perturbed by the words though. Maybe everything was alright.

"Fine mama," Lorna sighed.

She picked up her plate and headed to the kitchen. Erik reached for his plates, but Susanna picked them up. His fingers brushed up against hers and she could tell he wasn't letting go. She smiled gently at his face, a curious mixture of confusion and mild irritation. Susanna remembered that look well. He'd given it to her often enough.

"You're a guest here," Susanna said, "Let me."

He let go after a minute, giving her a long look. She turned around and put them into the sink. Lorna put her own plates on the counter, boosting herself up on her toes to do so. Susanna leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Go get ready for bed," she said, "I'll tuck you in in a minute."

Lorna nodded and hurried off to her room. She stared at Erik, and he gave her a small smile. Susanna saw that Lorna was still staring at him before her door shut with a click.

Susanna looked down at the dishes again. It was just her and Erik now. She had no idea what to say. What she had told him on the lawn was a mere fraction of her feelings. It wasn't enough.

Her hands began trembling again as she reached out and turned on the water. It took a minute: their pipes were rusty. They hardly ever got hot water, especially in the winter time. However, she started washing the dishes, trying to focus on anything.

A hand rested on her shoulder. She jumped and turned. Erik was standing directly behind her, his eyes boring into her.

"We need to talk," he said.

She swallowed again and turned off the water. Susanna leaned against the counter and wiped her hands on a towel.

"She's six," Erik said.

"Yes," Susanna said.

"You...all by yourself?" he asked.

She looked up at him, forcing a smile and a small shrug.

"I always told you that I was stronger than I looked," she said.

He reached out and took her hands. She breathed in as he brushed his thumbs over the calluses there. Susanna remembered when her hands had been soft. Years of waiting on tables and picking up the odd second job had changed all of that.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be," Susanna said, surprised at how steady her voice was, "You didn't know."

"If I had..." he said.

Susanna waited, her breath bated. Was he going to say what she thought he was going to say? Was he going to tell her that he wouldn't have left? Did it change things now that Lorna was six?

He didn't finish his sentence though. Instead he looked back up at her, his gaze still intense.

"This wasn't what I expected when I came down here," he admitted.

She smiled.

"I don't think anyone could have expected this," she said.

He reached out and brushed some of her hair behind her ear. His fingers stayed on her face a little longer than she thought was necessary. Susanna didn't object.

"All that time," he said, "You didn't...you didn't give her up?"

Susanna laughed. His tone seemed curious. It seemed odd, given the fact that the proof that she hadn't given her up was getting ready for bed in the next room over.

"Plenty of people told me that I should," she said.

His eyes became dark. It was another expression of his that she remembered all too well. It was rarely directed at her, but it often happened when he thought of other people, or when someone said something that he didn't like.

"Who?" he asked.

"Some of the people at the hospital," Susanna said, "Most of them actually."

She gave a small laugh. It was either laugh or cry. She had been eighteen, and everyone had been telling her that she was making the wrong choice. What money did she have to raise Lorna with? What resources? Did she have anything to offer, anything at all?

They were questions that she had wrestled with as her stomach had grown, words that she had cried over silently in the night. No one had been allowed to see her cry though. That was what they had been expecting. If she had mourned the loss of the life she had thought she had, she did it by herself.

"Of course, when Lorna's principal suggested it that was probably the worst," Susanna said.

She immediately regretted her words, but she hadn't been able to stop them.

"He did what?" Erik demanded.

Erik's voice was low and Susanna remembered what that meant too. She did what she had always done when they were younger. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. He looked back at her, the darkness receding a bit. He'd always needed something to ground him.

"It didn't matter," she said, "I wanted to keep her. She's a joy Erik."

"She's very chatty," Erik said, a reluctant smile turning his lips upwards, "She must get that from you."

"Perhaps," Susanna said, "But I think she gets her penchant for getting into fights from you."

"She gets into fights at school?" Erik said, "But...who would...she's too bubbly."

Susanna smiled. Her other laughs had been a little forced, but this one was genuine.

"She has a few temper issues," Susanna said.

"So she does have a black eye," Erik mused, "I thought I was imagining things."

"It's very slight," Susanna said, "The boy was two years older than her."

"Did she win?" Erik said.

"Yes," Susanna said, "It doesn't make it right though."

"Of course not," Erik said.

His tone was amused and light. She remembered this Erik, remembered how tender and kind he could be when he was with her. She knew how cold he could be as well, and she had accepted that. It was this side of him that had made the other side worth it.

"What was she fighting about?" Erik asked.

Susanna hesitated. Lorna had all but said it at the table, although she had the feeling that she had gotten rid of most of Mabel's nouns. Still though.

"One of the children at the playground called her a name that a child shouldn't know," Susanna said.

She hoped that it was vague enough, but Erik turned his head away. He let go of her hands and rubbed his temples. Susanna looked away again, feeling that familiar strange feeling coming back.

Were all their exchanges going to be like this? Awkward over the lost years and things they couldn't take back?

"This wasn't the life I wanted for you you know."

She looked at him and tentatively put her hand on his cheek. He looked up and she wondered if she was being too forward. However, she had already borne his child. She wasn't sure just what was forward anymore.

"Erik, I'm not unhappy," she said.

His eyes burned into her again, and somehow she knew that he knew she was lying. Susanna was happy with Lorna: she loved her daughter dearly. Her life outside of the her daughter was empty though, filled with the long hours necessary to keeping her child clothed and fed.

At one point she had hoped for more. So many of her hopes had proven false though, and she missed the times when she could believe them all without flinching. She missed what it had been like before, when life had been simple and uncomplicated, when she hadn't had to struggle to survive. Somehow she knew that he saw it all in her eyes.

Without warning Erik pulled her close and kissed her. It felt like it had on the lawn, the kiss burning through her blood. He moved back and pushed her up against the counter. One of his hands was digging into her back, pressing her against him, and the other was buried in her hair.

She bit back a moan when his lips moved down to her neck. She wanted to say something, but her words were dying in her throat. The only thing that she could do was continue to hold him, thoughts fleeing from her head.

"Mom?"

Susanna quickly pushed herself away from Erik. She looked for her daughter and saw, to her relief, that Lorna was still in her room. She'd just called for her, that was all. She hadn't seen anything

"I'm coming!" she managed.

She yanked her hair in front of her throat and straightened her shirt. For good measure she pulled her fingers through her hair once. Susanna looked back at Erik, who was still giving her the same burning look. She cleared her throat.

"I um, I need to get going," she said, "I can get some blankets for the couch if you're staying the night."

She could feel her words stumbling over themselves. Erik just continued to look at her.

"If you'll let me, then yes," he said, "I can stay for a few days."

Susanna smiled again. It wasn't the answer she had wanted, but it would have to do for now.


	3. Chapter 3

December 7, 1952

Erik stared at the ceiling, his heart feeling like lead in his chest. True to her word, Susanna had made the couch habitable. He'd laid down hours ago and clasped his hands on top of his chest. He wasn't moving, his breath was steady. It was impossible for him to sleep though. Not while his mind and heart were screaming at him.

He had no idea what he was doing. Why had he agreed to stay for a few days? Why had he even left the station instead of waiting patiently for the next train? Inwardly he snorted. Erik knew why, and he cursed himself for his weakness.

He closed his eyes. He could still see the look on Susanna's face when he stepped onto her lawn. Although the years had changed her, they hadn't changed what had made him fall in love with her. She was still too kind, too understanding for her own good. Susanna had let him speak instead of doing the right thing and yelling at him to go away.

Part of him wanted to smile. He still remembered when she had first offered him her friendship. She'd told him later it had been because he'd been alone, because she had pitied his isolation. It had been amusing in a way: she had lost her parents in an air raid only a month before she met him. Susanna had no other relatives, and there were no friends of the family to take her in. She'd been alone in the world, and she'd felt sorry for him.

Her ability to recover from that loss had shocked him. It had only been later when he'd realized that she'd been in the grips of her own crushing pain and that getting involved in the world around her was the way she dealt with it. He could still remember the nights she spent crying silently over her loss, thinking that no one could hear her, that she wasn't bothering anyone.

Erik, however, had been watching her from the moment that he'd realized she'd sincerely wanted to be friends. It had been shockingly easy to fall in love with her, and at first he'd hated her for it. The hate had grown alongside his fear of what loving someone would mean. To love was to lose, to be in terrible, horrible pain. There were times when he wanted nothing to do with her, wished that she would go away and leave him alone. He'd told her as much.

At first she had been confused and then hurt. Erik had tried to finish shoving her away and, instead of running, she'd stood her ground. There had been a strong defiance in her, a strength showing through a surface of kindness and compassion. He'd been confused until he realized that she knew what he was feeling. Somehow, she understood.

After that realization it was difficult not to feel defeated. In the end he'd given in, let it happen, let her in. It had been a happy time, one that he had enjoyed. For the first time in years, he had loved someone.

Expressing these feelings had been difficult. He was guiltily aware that he had rarely explicitly told her how he felt. The words always got caught in his mouth, the emotion too confused. He'd tried to show her in other ways, tried to be physically affectionate. He'd heard her say she loved him a hundred times before he'd managed to say the words.

Then he had left her. He'd known that leaving her behind would be too difficult for him and painful for him, but he'd done it anyway. He couldn't let Shaw go unpunished for what he'd done. Erik needed to find him, to watch him die like he'd made Erik watch his mother die. It needed to happen. He didn't regret leaving.

He did, however, regret the manner of his leaving. A goodbye would have been appropriate, a letter, a note, anything. He should have done that. Going in person would have been a mistake. He'd told her that he would have asked her to come with him, and that was true. He would have gone in with the best intentions, intentions that would have shattered beneath the pain in her green eyes.

Seeing her had hurt more than he was willing to admit, had ripped open an old wound that he had deliberately forgotten. Coming back was a mistake, and as soon as he realized it he had tried to leave. It was better if he left her angry with him.

Yet, she'd called him back, spoken to him in that voice that got under his skin. And he'd kissed her and remembered what it was like to have her in his life. He'd remembered the peace that he'd experienced, however fleetingly, when she was in his arms. It was why he had gone against what he'd known to be the right thing and asked her to come with him.

Her refusal had prompted jealousy to burn deep inside of him, jealousy that some other man had ties to her, was keeping her with him. He'd remembered the looks she'd gotten from the other boys at the convalescent home, looks that had made him want to hit them. The idea that one of them hadn't monopolized on his absence had made him furious.

Then she'd told him the real reason or, more specifically, called the real reason outside to join them. The real reason had dark brown hair and bright green eyes. She was six and named Lorna. She was beautiful, bright, full of life and joy, and she was his.

It seemed impossible. Lorna had come out and talked to him without a second thought. She'd been interested in him, had taken Susanna's assertion that he was her father at face value. She hadn't accused him of leaving her, hadn't been angry. She was just curious.

How had he managed to have a child like that? The thought made him smile. He knew that he owed it to Susanna. Lorna held the same trust that Susanna had once displayed towards him, a trust that was pure and deep, a beautiful innocence.

He gritted his teeth. Lorna wasn't just innocent though. For all that talk of her fighting at school she was still young and fragile. If he'd thought that taking Susanna with him would be a bad idea in his hunt for Shaw, then how much worse would it be for Lorna? What right did he have to bring a defenseless, innocent child into his quest for revenge?

No. Susanna was right. She couldn't come with him because Lorna couldn't come with him. Lorna needed her mother, and he wasn't about to take Susanna from her. It wasn't even as though he wanted to. As much as Erik wanted Susanna with him, he wanted Lorna too. It made him physically sick to think of leaving Lorna behind. How could he abandon his daughter?

He would have to though. He couldn't take either of them with him. He opened his eyes and glared at the ceiling. They couldn't come with him. He'd been told that he had a family and now he realized that he couldn't keep them.

Erik sat up and sat on the edge of the couch. It creaked as he looked around the house. It was chilly there. He supposed it was poor insulation. There was a lag when he turned on the faucet in the bathroom, and an even longer one when he tried for hot water. Something was definitely wrong with the pipes. The wallpaper was peeling and the paint was flaking.

He narrowed his eyes. The woman he loved and his daughter were living in that house. Realistically he knew that there were worse places to live. He'd lived in a few of them over time. They had never been permanent though: just a place to transition through. From the different items around the house he had a feeling that they had been there for a long time.

Erik got to his feet and looked around the living room. The floorboards creaked. He had to walk softly to make sure that they didn't creak too much. The last thing he wanted to do was wake Susanna and his daughter.

He walked up to the windows and ran his finger along them. Chilly condensation was building there, and he could almost see the cold air coming in. The building wasn't properly insulated. He supposed that it was a problem with the original structure, a poorly constructed building made worse since it was built. By the design an aging he figured it had to have been built around the 20's.

Deep in thought he put his hand under his chin. In the past he'd been employed as a construction worker, both at the convalescent home and on the road. The bounties from the Nazis that he found had solved that particular problem over time, but it did leave him with a skill set. Those skills were telling him that this house was a wreck.

How could he leave them like this? Oh, he was sure that Susanna was probably saving up for a new place. She had always been trying to improve herself back at the convalescent home, a dreamer with big plans and books. It hurt to know that some of that fire had been wiped out because of him, that her plans had been put on hold because she was carrying his child. It looked like there had never been a time to pick those plans up again.

Erik swore to himself. He was getting too involved here. It would probably be best for everyone concerned if he just packed up his bag and left in the dead of night. No goodbyes, no accusatory eyes, no guilt, no attachment. He'd file this away for after he'd found Shaw, whenever that would be.

He almost went back to the living room and grabbed his things, but something stopped him. He'd promised to stay for a few days. After all of the promises he'd broken to Susanna, did he really have the level of cruelty necessary to break this one too?

She'd kissed him back. Both on the lawn and in the kitchen. She still had feelings for him, and not just as the father of her child. How difficult had those feelings been to hold onto when the world was telling her he had used her and left her? Susanna couldn't believe that, and if he left, then he would only be confirming what her critics had said. People had been telling her to give up Lorna since before she was born. How dare he let those people be right?

Then there was Lorna, his sweet little daughter. Susanna had said he'd be there in the morning, and he hadn't corrected her. If he left then Lorna was going to wake up, expecting to find her new father, and instead be disappointed. It would begin to sow the seeds of bitterness inside her, and he couldn't let that happen.

A few more days. That would be all. It would fulfill his promise, Lorna would know his face, and then he could get back to finding Shaw. A few days, and he could help keep Susanna from unnecessary pain and Lorna from having her innocence tarnished.

It would be dangerous for him, he acknowledged that. The temptation would be to stay and revel in his newfound family. He could do it though. He'd left Susanna once in order to find Shaw and, as painful as that had been, he could do it again.

It would be harder this time around though. Last time Lorna hadn't been there.


	4. Chapter 4

December 8, 1952

When Lorna woke up, it took her a moment to remember why she could feel excitement welling up inside her. When she did she threw off her blankets and began rummaging around in the small trunk at the foot of her bed for clothes. She had to get ready as fast as possible. Lorna had never moved so fast on a non-school day.

She could barely contain her excitement. Her father was here. She'd thought that she didn't have a father for so long, and she still wasn't sure just where he'd come from. It didn't really matter though: he was there. That was what mattered.

Already she had a list of things she knew about him. He was serious, but didn't seem to mind that she prattled on. That was good. He liked to listen, and that was good too, and he seemed interested in whatever she was saying. She liked that a lot. Not too many people listened and were interested.

She'd also started looking for a resemblance. He didn't have green eyes like she did, so they were definitely her mother's eyes that she had. She'd hoped that for a long time, and now she knew she was right. She couldn't see too much of a resemblance between her and her father, but he was a boy so it was probably faint, but still there. She probably just wasn't looking hard enough.

Lorna quickly threw on the first dress she could get on. She tossed her pajamas on the bed and began looking around for her hairbrush. She found it on the floor after a moment. Lorna ran it through her hair, ripping it through any snarls and tangles that she could find.

Slowly she began opening the door and peering around. Now that she was paying attention she could hear voices from the kitchen. Of course. Her mother was making breakfast like she did sometimes, and her father was probably helping her. That was what parents did. They helped each other.

She walked out of her room and poked her head in the kitchen to make sure that she could be in there. Her father was kneeling underneath the sink, a few tools scattered on the floor. Her mother was making something, giving her father a few confused glances from time to time.

"They have a kind of crust built up on the inside of them," her father explained, "It makes it difficult for water to flow easily through them. The chemicals I put down the sink should flush it out, as well as a few adjustments."

"I always did try to clean them out though," her mother said.

"Yes, but this has been built up over years," her father said, "Might be as old as the building. Whoever was here before this wasn't taking care of it, and it looks like the landlord didn't bother to try to fix it."

"I can believe that," her mother said, a slight smile on her lips.

"Yeah," Lorna said, feeling like it was time she announced her presence, "He's a meanie."

There was a thump as her father hit his head on the top of the sink. He muttered a few words in another language and Lorna took a step back. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be there. She hadn't thought that she was doing anything wrong.

When her father looked back at her though, she couldn't believe that she had done anything wrong. He seemed genuinely pleased that she was there, although one of his hands was still rubbing the back of his head.

"Morning," he said.

"Morning," Lorna said.

She walked up to the sink and peered under it. There was a complex labyrinth of pipes beneath it.

"Wow," she said, "I've never looked under here."

"And normally you wouldn't have to," her father said, "But I noticed the sink was giving your mother a little bit of trouble last night."

"Does that mean we're gonna have hot water now?" Lorna asked.

A muscle in her father's jaw twitched.

"Not necessarily," he said, "I think that that might be a problem with your heater, and I don't know what I can do about that. Construction skills don't necessarily apply to everything. However, it does mean that you'll get cleaner water, and faster."

Lorna continued to look at the pipes. She ran her hand over one of them. The metal was rippled and worled.

"This one looks funny," she announced.

"It was probably welded at one point," her father said.

"What?" her mother said.

Her mother left the counter and looked under the sink.

"That's funny," she said, "I don't remember any of the pipes looking like that. The metal looks...bent almost."

She cocked her head.

"A few of them look like that," she said.

Her father shrugged, although Lorna thought she noticed a tightness in his jaw.

"Shabby construction materials," he said.

"Most likely," her mother said.

Lorna glanced back at her father, but couldn't see the tightness there anymore. He began to put the tools away, looking thoughtfully at Lorna.

"You're on break, aren't you?" he asked.

"My first one," Lorna proclaimed.

He smiled. She noticed his smiles never quite reached his eyes, even though he seemed happy enough. Maybe she should ask her mother about that, if it wasn't rude. Her mother always said that she was too curious for her own good.

"Your mother says that she has a shift later this afternoon," he said, clearing his throat, "If you don't mind, I was wondering if you would let me be your babysitter for a while."

Lorna couldn't help the squeal of delight that came form her lips. Her mother looked down at her, smiling softly.

"That'd be awesome!" she said, "Really awesome!"

This time the smile did seem to reach his eyes, even if for a moment.

"I'm glad Lorna," he said.

"It's breakfast time," her mother said.

Lorna turned. Her mother was plating something up. She had been so busy paying attention to her father that she hadn't even noticed.

"Get to the table, alright?" her mother said.

Lorna nodded and scurried into the next room. She pulled back her chair just as her mother put a plate in front of her. She licked her lips but waited impatiently until everyone was served. Only when everyone had food did she start tucking in.

She had eaten her toast when she realized that her parents weren't talking. Lorna frowned and began looking at the two of them. They made eye contact briefly but her mother looked away. Lorna finished her mouthful, chewing thoughtfully.

"It hasn't snowed enough," she announced.

Her parents turned and stared at her.

"I like it when it snows a lot, because then I can build a big fort," Lorna said, "Sometimes I get up early and wait hours for kids I don't like from school. Then I pelt them with snowballs."

Her father laughed and but her mother shook her head.

"You know I told you not to do that," she said, "You're going to get yourself in trouble and catch death of cold."

"No I won't," Lorna said.

"You will," her mother said, "And I said no more fighting."

"It's not fighting," Lorna said, "Not really."

"Lorna."

"She'll be fine," her father said.

Her mother turned to her father, something like a frown on her lips. Her father coughed and looked down at his plate a bit.

"She doesn't seem sickly," he said, his voice defensive.

"I'm not," Lorna said, "I can run around all day. Just ask the gym teacher. I'm lots faster than the other kids."

"You certainly have a lot of energy," her father said.

Lorna grinned and filled the rest of the breakfast conversation with whatever she could. She could see her mother smile at her from time to time, and she knew that she must be doing something right.

The rest of the day was filled with her picking up books and things around the house to show her father. He still wasn't saying much, but Lorna could tell that she'd have her chance to ask him questions later. For now she just wanted to talk.

Her mother left later that afternoon, giving the two of them a long look. Her father stared after her as the door shut, his eyes dark.

"Lorna?" he asked.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Is your mother...happy?" he asked.

Lorna bit the inside of her cheek.

"Silly question," her father muttered, "I'm sorry-"

"No."

The word surprised Lorna, as did the forceful way that it left her lips. She'd never said it before. Her father turned and looked at her. She clasped her hands behind her back and stared down at the floorboards.

"I...she loves me," Lorna said, "I know that."

Her father remained silent as Lorna searched for a way to explain.

"But I don't think she's happy," Lorna said, "People are nice to her at her job but...I know...I know it's not that. I just think she might need..."

Lorna looked up at him. His eyes were still dark, but not angry. She wanted him to understand. Maybe he could do something.

"I think she's tired of being lonely," Lorna said.

"She's not alone," her father said, "She has you."

"She'll always have me," Lorna said, clasping and unclasping her hands once, "But mom...I'm not...she doesn't...I'm not-"

"An adult," her father said.

Lorna nodded. She knew that being a child wasn't really that important, but she knew her mother didn't tell her some things. Like that time when Lorna got new shoes even though she noticed her mother's had holes in them. Or the times she'd seen her mother coming home from work with her eyes watery. She didn't tell her about things like that.

"Her friends are friends but not...you know," Lorna said, "Close. I think anyway. I think she needs someone she can really talk to."

Her father looked uncomfortable for a moment, and Lorna wondered what he was thinking. His eyes were distant an his whole stance was rigid. Was she supposed to tell him about what she thought about her mother? Was that supposed to be a secret?

He sighed and relaxed slightly.

"You're very observant for your age," he said.

"Not much else to do," Lorna said.

"Don't you have any friends at school?"

She let her hands fall by her hands and shook her head.

"They're all dumb," Lorna said, "They're such babies."

Her father raised his eyebrows.

"You're only six," he said.

"And they act like they're two," Lorna said.

Her father chuckled and Lorna smiled. He knelt down in front of her.

"When I was a little older than you all the children my age seemed like babies too," her father said.

"Really?" Lorna asked.

He nodded.

"They seemed stupid and immature, naive and clueless," her father said, "I didn't want to be around them, and I didn't understand why people insisted that I be lumped with them. We didn't have anything in common. Those that I shared traits with...I didn't want to be with them for different reasons."

"What reasons?" Lorna asked.

"They reminded me of bad times," her father said.

He flexed his wrists slightly. Lorna thought that she saw the faint shadows of numbers, but she couldn't say for sure. There were a lot of things like that with her father.

"And sometimes that led to conflicts," he said.

She slumped slightly.

"You're gonna tell me that I'm not supposed ta get into fights, aren't you?" she said, "I don't want to, but sometimes I can't help it-"

"No," her father said, "Sometimes fighting is inevitable. I think that it's about time that someone told you that."

He leaned closer.

"And, just so you know," he murmured, "The throat is highly sensitive. Hit it and they won't know what's going on. And if you're fighting a boy, well, there's another place to hit them."

Surprise thrummed through her, and then Lorna smiled.

"How do you think I got Mabel's brother to stop hitting me?" she asked.

Her father threw his head back and laughed.


	5. Chapter 5

December 8, 1952

The sound of the bell went off in the main room. Susanna straightened her uniform and went out. Albert was there, fiddling with one of the cufflinks on his business suit. He was one of her more frequent customers, and generally gave a decent tip. As a manager at one of the few flourishing firms in the area, he told her that he felt it was his duty to tip well. Susanna was just grateful for the extra cash.

She smiled and took out her notepad. Susanna didn't get a chance to speak though.

"You alright?" he said, "You look a little out of it."

"Just a little tired," Susanna said.

It was true enough. She'd had a difficult time sleeping the night before, all things considered. Erik was still at her house, and her daughter was joyful. Susanna couldn't feel the same, not really, and then there had been that kiss.

Albert nodded and looked past her.

"Lorna here today?" he asked, "I know school let out yesterday."

"She has a babysitter today," Susanna said.

Albert was nice, but she wasn't about to discuss her situation with him.

"Oh, well, are they looking after her this evening as well?" he asked.

"I shouldn't think so," Susanna said.

She'd said that she'd be back later after all. Albert made a slightly frustrated noise in the back of his throat, but continued smiling. She cocked her head slightly but he looked down at the menu and ordered. When she brought the food out he reached out and took it.

His hand brushed the back of hers and she withdrew her hand. She smiled and gave him a small nod before gathering the rest of the dishes and walking back to the kitchen. Ruth was still washing dishes, glancing at the clock every now and then.

"You know he's sweet on you, right?" she asked.

"What?" Susanna asked.

Ruth laughed and looked over her shoulder at her.

"You can be rather clueless sometimes," she said, "You should give that poor boy some hope sometime if you're interested."

"I don't have time for that," Susanna said, "Especially not now."

The clink of plates stopped.

"Something wrong Susanna?"

Susanna looked back at her boss and fellow waitress. The older woman was giving her a long look, like she was trying to figure something out. Susanna squirmed uncomfortably as she began to stack the plates near the sink, reminding herself that her boss couldn't read her mind, that no one could.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Honey, you look like you've got the weight of the world pressing down on you. Even more than usual," Ruth said, "Something's wrong."

Susanna hesitated. She was grateful to Ruth: she couldn't not be. When she'd been a pregnant teenager Ruth had given her a job instead of turning up her nose at her. She'd told her to take a break while she struggled with morning sickness and had let her bring Lorna to the back of the diner when there was nowhere else to put her.

In short, Ruth was a kind person, one of the few genuinely kind people that Susanna knew. She was also something of a friend, the only person she knew who wouldn't take no for an answer if she noticed something was wrong.

"It's a slow day today," Ruth said, "We won't have the dinner rush for another hour or so. We've got time."

She bit the inside of her cheek, but nodded quickly and put the rest of the plates in the sink. Ruth folded her arms, waiting.

"Lorna's father came back yesterday," she said.

Ruth gaped, but she quickly changed her expression. The gape was the only confirmation she needed: what was happening was crazy.

"Erik, right?" Ruth asked.

"Erik," Susanna said.

She put her hands on the rim of the sink and leaned on it.

"And?" Ruth asked.

"He's...he's staying with us for the next few days."

Ruth gave her an incredulous look.

"You didn't tell him to pack dirt?" she asked.

"No."

"Even after everything?" she asked.

Susanna let go of the sink and wiped her hands on her apron. It was already wrinkled and stained with coffee from the day, but she couldn't think of anything else to do with her hands. Just standing there felt wrong.

"He didn't know about Lorna," Susanna said.

"I know honey. I've heard your defenses about a million times," Ruth said, "And I know you think that makes him blameless, but it really doesn't. You just let him into your home?"

Susanna hugged herself.

"I didn't...he has a right to know his daughter," she said.

Ruth sighed.

"Is that why you didn't bring Lorna with you today?" she asked.

Susanna continued to look down. Hearing Ruth made her remember all of her thoughts about what an idiot she was.

"She's with her father," Susanna said.

"A father who left her."

"He has a right to know her," Susanna repeated.

"Hmm," Ruth said.

Ruth stood next to Susanna and put a hand on her arm.

"Susanna, you're too trusting," she said.

Susanna shook her head, willing the woman next to her to understand. Things were complicated, and they would always be complicated no matter how much she wished otherwise. She just wished that she could explain it.

"Erik was a good man," Susanna said, looking up at her pleadingly, "He's made some mistakes, but the biggest mistake wasn't really his fault. If you could have seen them last night Ruth, you'd understand! He loves her and she just wants to know him."

Ruth nodded, but she could see something tired on her face.

"I did ask a bit about Erik after you started working for me," Ruth said, "I have a niece who works at the hospital you know. She was there when the two of you were."

She slumped. She knew what was coming.

"He sounded like a cold, unpleasant sort of boy," Ruth said.

"Do you think I don't remember that too?" Susanna said, "But...the way he could be sometimes...it made me realize..."

She let her hands fall to her side.

"It made me realize what a good person he was deep down," Susanna said, "What a good man he could be if given the chance."

"And you thought you could give him that chance?" Ruth said, "That you could change him?"

Ruth's voice was slightly derisive, and she couldn't blame her. Susanna shook her head.

"No," she said, "I gave him my friendship because I thought that he could be better if he wasn't alone. Not to change him, just to help him see that some things were worth living for."

She closed her eyes. She could see him as he'd been as a teenager then, his eyes dark and his face closed off to the world. She remembered what his expression was like when it opened, when he told her he loved her.

"I gave him my love because of his strength and bravery," she said.

Ruth's grip on her arm tightened. Susanna opened her eyes and saw that Ruth was looking at her sadly.

"Susanna, you still love him, don't you?" she asked.

There was nothing left to do but nod.

"I don't think I ever stopped," Susanna said, tears welling in her eyes, "Not really."

Ruth sighed again and handed her a napkin. Susanna wiped her eyes, hating how weak and confused she sounded. She rarely cried in front of other people, knowing just what it was that they'd see when she cried. They'd all thought her weak and defenseless and she'd tried to prove them wrong, standing up to the world and declaring that she was keeping her daughter.

Crying where others could see her, even a little, felt shameful.

"I understand," Ruth said, "I really do. But you have to be careful Susanna."

Susanna finished wiping her eyes and tucked the napkin into her apron.

"What do you mean?" she said.

Ruth shrugged slightly and took her hand off of Susanna's arm. She looked at the dirty dishes in the sink for a minute. Making a face she picked up the sponge and some dish detergent and began scrubbing them.

"Has he told you that he's staying?" she asked.

"For...for a few days," Susanna said.

"Then he's not staying forever," Ruth said.

She turned on the water and Susanna bowed her head in silent acknowledgement.

"I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just saying that he's not staying," Ruth said, "And if he's not staying...then you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak all over again."

She picked up another dish.

"More than that, you're setting your daughter up for heartbreak," Ruth said, "She won't be able to have a father forever Susanna. You have to protect yourself, and you have to protect your daughter."

"She's the most important thing in my life," Susanna said.

"Trust me, I know," Ruth said, "And that's why it's important for you to be careful."

The bell rang from the dining room. Susanna quickly straightened her uniform and walked out. The dinner rush was starting, and the next hour was occupied with her running from table to table, trying to make sure everyone was served. It helped take her mind off things.

There was very little else for her to think about on her way back home though. It was cold and she wrapped her coat closer around her. Ruth hadn't told her anything she didn't already know. Not really. The only thing that she had done was remind her of the stake that Lorna had in the outcome of the situation.

Susanna knew that Erik wouldn't stay for her. She knew that he'd loved her, and judging by what had happened the night before and the straightforward kindness he had showed earlier in the day, he still had some sort of feelings for her.

However, she knew not to count on it. He'd loved her wholeheartedly and left her anyway. She'd been repeating that to herself for so long that it seemed only logical to remind herself of it again. What could happen to change the past? A surprise visit didn't wipe away nearly seven years of being alone and heartbroken.

It was wrong to still have feelings about a situation that had happened so long ago. Susanna knew that she should have let go earlier, but she hadn't known how. It was just another reminder that she was weak, incapable of making the right decision when it came down to it.

She'd let him back in after all. Yet, hadn't he deserved to see Lorna? Hadn't Lorna deserved to see him? The contradictions swirled painfully around in her head. She wished that there was some sort of simple answer, something that she could latch onto.

She rounded the corner and saw her apartment building. A shriek of laughter met her ears and Lorna ran around the corner. Her daughter turned at the last minute and pitched a snowball. It hit Erik in the face just as he came around the side of the building.

Lorna laughed and Erik brushed the snow off his coat. He hurried up and caught her, lifting her into the air. Susanna felt her heart skip a beat. Erik turned and saw her, a smile playing around his lips as he set Lorna down.

She crossed the remaining distance between them, swallowing hard.

"Apparently there's enough snow for a small snowball fight," Erik said, "Or so she tells me."

"You should join us," Lorna said.

Susanna knelt in front of her daughter, brushing some of the snow out of her hair with one hand. The other hand dug into the ground.

"Now Lorna, it's getting late," she said.

Lorna's face fell. Susanna whirled around and threw the snow she had grabbed from the ground into Erik's face. He stumbled back, his eyes wide, and Susanna laughed.

"So not for too much longer," she said.

Lorna grinned and began making another snowball. Erik gave her a look of mock horror and Susanna laughed again. Ruth was probably right: she was probably going to get her heart broken. But it wouldn't be that night.


	6. Chapter 6

December 13, 1952

Lorna held onto her father's hand as he walked her to the diner. She swung it back and forth, occasionally pointing out a building. Her father would tilt his head, always listening. She still hadn't gotten tired of it. Lorna had a father, and he liked to listen to her.

Although he'd been there for a few days, it was the first time that he had come to the diner with her. They were going to pick her mother up from work, and Lorna was excited. She'd never been allowed to do that before.

It seemed natural though, walking with him and showing him around her neighborhood. The first day that had happened a few kids had pointed and she'd gotten some weird looks from adults. She'd asked her parents about it, but they had just given each other looks. Her mother had seemed a little tired, but her father had seemed both angry and sad. Lorna wasn't sure why that was.

"Guess what I want for Christmas?" she asked.

Her father just inclined his head.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I want a new sweater," Lorna said, "One with heart buttons. I think I've been good enough for a sweater. And maybe a new book. I think that I've been good enough for that. Not a watch though."

"A watch?" her father asked.

"I like them," Lorna said.

She had borrowed one from her mother every now and then, but never for very long. Lorna tried to explain to her mother that she loved the way they felt on her wrist and how intricate they were on the inside. It sounded weird when she said it though.

"But I just want the sweater and the book," she said.

"That's not much," he said.

"I'm not greedy. Some of the kids at my school are asking for bikes," Lorna said.

She stuck out her tongue.

"How would Santa even get a bike into the house?" she asked, "I mean, it's tough enough on him where we live for books and stuff since we don't have a chimney, but a bike? A bike?"

Her father nodded and smiled.

"What do you want for Christmas?" she asked, swinging his hand.

He pursed his lips.

"I don't celebrate Christmas," he said.

She frowned, but then she remembered that her mother had told her that her father was Jewish. She'd also told her not to ask about the tattoos on his arm. Lorna felt stupid, but at least she hadn't asked about the tattoos.

"Sorry," she said, "I forgot. You do Chanukah, right? I read a book about that at school. With the candles."

His lips pursed even further.

"Yes."

"When was that?" Lorna said, "Or is it coming up?"

"It starts today actually," her father said.

Her eyes widened.

"I'm sorry!" she said, "I didn't know that was that close! We need to do something for that."

His grip on her hand tightened.

"That's not necessary," he said.

"We need candles," Lorna said, "You do stuff with candles, right? And there are these top things, but you would know more about it than I would, so-"

"Lorna!"

She stopped, shrinking back. Her father's face was dark and he looked away from her, staring at something that she couldn't see. Lorna bit her lip, wondering what it was that she had said. Her mother would be angry at her too, but she wasn't sure what she had said.

"I'm sorry," he said at last, "But I don't celebrate it much anymore."

"Why not?" Lorna asked.

Her father shrugged again.

"I tend to move around a lot," he said, "But I think that you've asked Santa for some good things."

Lorna nodded, uneasy, but she couldn't help but get excited. All thoughts of candles were swept out of her head by the thoughts of Christmas. Besides, her father wasn't mad at her. That was something to be happy about, something to celebrate.

"I think that I've been good enough for it," she said.

"I know you have," he said.

"Really?"

"Really."

She grinned as they approached the diner. The door opened and Lorna saw her father scan the place.

"I go over there when it's not too busy," Lorna said, pointing to a small corner booth, "I go behind the counter otherwise."

Her father gave a short nod and allowed her to steer her over to the booth.

"Mama's gonna be surprised," she said.

"I'd imagine so," her father said.

He looked like he was about to say something else, but a voice cut him off.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while Lorna."

Lorna glanced up and grinned when she saw Albert. He leaned on the side of the booth and she waved at him.

"I've been busy," she said.

Albert nodded and looked over at her father, giving him a quizzical look. Lorna could see that her father was giving him the same kind of look, and Lorna realized that the two of them didn't know each other. She had to introduce him.

"This is my dad Albert," she said.

* * *

Part of Erik winced when Lorna introduced him. He knew exactly what anyone in the diner would think when she said those words. He could imagine that Susanna's reputation had most likely taken another hit now that he was staying with her, but Susanna and Lorna were like a magnet, drawing him in. Erik couldn't bear to leave them.

He was going to have to soon, but that just meant that all the time he spent with them was precious. He wasn't going to waste it by finding a hotel, even if it was driving him crazy. It still meant that he got to see both her and his daughter first thing in the morning.

The other part of him wanted Lorna to speak louder. He was her father, and he gloried in the title. Erik knew the look that he was going to get: he'd gotten it around the neighborhood enough for the past five days. He supposed that he had some sort of reputation himself.

He looked at Albert, waiting for his reaction. To his surprise, instead of the slightly embarrassed and disdainful look that he was used to, a brief flash of anger shot through his eyes, followed by a kind of bitterness. Erik was just able to recognize it as jealousy.

He immediately narrowed his eyes as warning flags went up.

"Albert's one of mama's customers," Lorna said, oblivious, "Mama says he's one of the nicest ones."

More warning flags shot up.

"He's nice to me dad," Lorna said.

"I'll bet he is," Erik said.

He gave Albert a side look before turning back to Lorna, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"You told me you come here often," he said.

"She does," Albert said, his voice slightly more acidic than it had been a moment before, "It's not good for children to stay home alone."

"Which is why you haven't seen her much for the past few days," Erik said.

He lowered his own voice to match Albert's. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lorna furrow her brow. She shrugged and the furrow disappeared. He wished that he had Lorna's approach to life. The ability to move past things that confused her was a rare gift.

He was glad that she didn't understand this. She was so innocent, something he was constantly reminded of. Lorna didn't know that he didn't celebrate Chanukah because he had no home to celebrate it at, no family, that he only had a tenuous connection to the religion of his parents now. Erik couldn't ask them to go out of their way for something that felt distant and strange.

"Can I go and find mama?" Lorna asked, "I need to tell her that we're here. She should be getting ready to go home."

"Go ahead," Erik said.

Lorna grinned and waved before skipping behind the counter. Albert fixed his eyes on Erik.

"So, you're back," he said.

His voice was irritated. Erik cocked an eyebrow and leaned back.

"Yes," he said.

Albert shook his head.

"She lets you babysit?" he asked.

"She lets me spend time with my daughter, yes," Erik said.

Albert gave him another disdainful look. Erik narrowed his eye further.

"Not that it's any of your business," he said.

"Susanna's been a good friend, and Lorna's a good girl," Albert said, "I'd say it is."

Erik gave him a thin-lipped smile in return. So he'd been right. Inwardly he knew that it shouldn't have bothered him. He wasn't staying, and he shouldn't have begrudged Susanna anyone that she could find, anyone who would make her happy.

All the same, he had to fight the urge to throw Albert out the window.

"And I'd say it wasn't," he said, his voice quiet.

There was a pause between the two of them. Erik wasn't worried: he knew that Albert would blink first. He'd stared down men who were three times as dangerous as the business man in front of him.

Albert made a face.

"And you really think that you have that right after leaving her to clean up your mess while you did God knows what?" he asked.

He breathed in, trying to keep himself as calm as possible.

"Lorna is no one's mess," he hissed.

"Oh, she's a great girl," Albert said, "It doesn't change the fact that a teenager was forced to raise her by herself. I doubt you're staying."

Erik bit down on the inside of his cheek. The fork on the table vibrated slightly, and he breathed in to prevent it flying straight into Albert's smug forehead. Perhaps simply punching him would be better, or maybe his idea about the window had been the correct one.

"Erik!"

He looked past Albert and saw Susanna and Lorna. Lorna's hand was safely tucked in Susanna's and Susanna was smiling at him, her eyes bright. He breathed in and ignored the fork. They were watching: he wasn't going to let them see.

Albert looked behind him and Erik saw his face change. Erik got up, wondering just why the smug, irritating man in front of him had changed. It wasn't until he looked back at Susanna that he understood. Susanna's face was lit up because she had seen him. It had nothing to do with Albert.

Erik got up and walked over to her, smiling in return. She waved at Albert briefly before leading Lorna outside. Erik linked his hand with Susanna's in case Albert got any ideas. It was small and worn, but he could still feel its warmth. It felt natural there.

Susanna blinked at him but didn't jerk away. On her other side Lorna jerked her hand to get her mother's attention. Susanna gave him one last look before turning to Lorna. Erik held her hand a little tighter.

He'd forgotten how good this had felt, how good they had felt. Erik could remember her hand in his all those years ago, the way it had caressed the back of his neck in a silent gesture of love and support whenever things had gotten bad.

_You had to leave that behind though_, a treacherous voice whispered, _You know why you had to, why you still have to._

He shook his head, attempting to clear it. As much as he hated the voice, it was right. He had to leave soon, and he couldn't forget that. Erik was just there to see his daughter and Susanna. Anything long-term wasn't going to work.

Susanna unlocked the house and stepped inside. Erik reluctantly let go of her hand. Lorna hopped in immediately, putting her coat on one of the chairs.

"Go wash up for dinner," Susanna said.

"Sure thing!" Lorna said.

She rushed off. She was always rushing off, as though there was something that she was afraid of missing. Erik chuckled and looked back at Susanna, planning on making a comment. What he saw stopped him.

Susanna had placed nine candles on the counter. She gave him an apologetic look.

"I know it's not quite right, but it's all I could come up with on short notice," Susanna said, "Chanukah starts today, doesn't it? I might have gotten the days mixed up. I could never quite figure out when Kislev was."

All he could do was stare. A vague memory flickered to life of his mother guiding him while he lit candles. His father had watched approvingly from the back of the room, back when he'd had a family, back when there had been no bitterness or pain.

Tears welled in his eyes and he tilted his head back to get rid of them. How had he never realized what this meant? How had he never missed having people to be with on that night, to light candles and remember a time when things weren't so bleak?

Susanna shifted nervously.

"It's alright, isn't it?" she asked.

He looked back at her. Erik reached out and touched her cheek, pausing there.

"It's perfect," he said.

She smiled and he felt warmth begin to spread through his chest. He reached out and held her for a moment, basking in her warmth, in the simple act of love that she had displayed. In that moment Erik was reminded of something he should never have forgotten: leaving would be much harder than he'd thought.


	7. Chapter 7

December 17, 1952

Life had settled into a pattern. Susanna wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She would go to work and Erik and Lorna would come and pick her up. While Susanna missed her daughter's presence at her work, she was glad that her daughter wasn't stuck in the kitchen the entire day.

When she came home they would have dinner. Most of the time she would come home and find something fixed. Other times the refrigerator would be filled with groceries. Once or twice he'd already made dinner, although Lorna had loudly said that Susanna's was better.

Sometimes they would play in the snow afterwards, or other times just talk. A different candle would be lit and, at Lorna's insistence, he'd tell her about the holiday. Lorna was almost as eager a listener as she was a talker.

Their scope of activities was limited for the most part. Susanna didn't have a TV, but Lorna had never seemed to be missing out on too much without it. There were nights when they were read together and it was good, home-like.

Susanna also knew that it couldn't go on. She could see Erik begin to look at the calendar, and she knew that he was going to leave soon. Susanna knew that she would have to tell her daughter why her father wasn't going to stay. She would lie awake at night, debating what she could do, the heartache and pain beginning already.

Erik had been there for ten days when Susanna realize that he was going to leave soon. His bag had never been fully unpacked, and she had tried to ignore that. Now though, now the bag was completely zipped up, everything put away. She had noticed it on her way out of the house that morning.

She'd been distracted the entire day, thinking about the bag, and Ruth had noticed. She hadn't said anything, and Susanna appreciated it. She didn't really want to deal with anyone's pity at the moment.

Albert had noticed too, but unlike Ruth, he had actually said something. She had just given him his coffee when he put his hand out, touching her wrist. Susanna had looked up, surprised, and more than just a little uncomfortable.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, "I know things are...complicated at the moment."

She swallowed. News travelled fast. She looked down at the way he was holding her wrist. With every passing second it felt more uncomfortable, more alien. The door to the diner opened and she saw Erik walk in with Lorna.

"Everything's fine," Susanna said.

She gently disentangled her wrist and then went back into the kitchen. Ruth had simply put her hand on her shoulder once as Susanna got ready to leave. She supposed there wasn't anything to say.

Susanna wasn't completely sure whether or not Erik knew that she knew. He just looked at her strangely on the walk home. It was only when Lorna ran ahead a little that he spoke.

"That man at the diner," he said, "Friend of yours?"

"I suppose," Susanna said, "I mean, he tips well and he's nice to me and Lorna."

"You like him?" he asked.

She frowned, unsure about the question.

"I...we get along alright," she said, "I don't really know him."

Lorna had turned back, motioning for them to hurry up. Erik gave Susanna another strange look, one that he continued to give her over dinner. Susanna wasn't sure what that was about, but she knew why she was feeling what she was.

The more she thought about it the more the pain blossomed within her chest. She wouldn't meet his eyes, and more than once she could feel tears trying to push their way through.

Susanna wasn't about to cry though. She remembered the words that Ruth had told her, and she remembered what she had been warned about. While she had forgotten the truth of the situation, forgetting a heartache that hadn't even happened yet, she shouldn't have. She should have known that Erik wasn't the kind to stay, even if there was a daughter.

Lorna. Her daughter hadn't noticed that her father's bag was packed. She just chattered the entire night through, not seeing the tension in the air. She loved Erik, and she believed that he loved her too. In his own way, Susanna supposed he did.

If anything, Susanna should be more concerned for her. Her daughter was the most important thing in her life, and it was time that she remembered that. More than that, it was time that she fight for her.

After Lorna had been put to bed Susanna finished washing up the dishes, trying to figure out what she was going to say. As a teenager she had known exactly what Erik had wanted to do when he'd gotten older. The threats against the people who had stolen his childhood had stuck painfully in her mind.

She'd wanted him to forget, to move past it, but something kept him tethered to his anger. Susanna had quickly learned that he hadn't wanted to let it go or forget. He'd wanted retribution.

She turned around and he was standing right behind her. Susanna had stared at him, unable to stop her gasp. He cocked his head and Susanna gave a nervous laugh. She shouldn't be so jumpy.

"You scared me Erik," she said, "You have to stop sneaking up on me like that."

He gave her another strange look. She was getting a lot of those lately.

"Erik?" she asked, feeling uncertain.

One of his hands went behind her head, pulling in her face to kiss her. She breathed in. The kiss was more chaste than she had expected, and his hands rested on her shoulder and face.

When he pulled away he looked at her, no longer giving her that strange look. Instead, his eyes were burning and intense. His hand slid down her arm, capturing her hand and kissing her fingers.

"Erik-" she said.

He let go of her hand and silenced her with another kiss, this one much fiercer. She put her hands around his neck, her lips parting. Erik eagerly took advantage of the opportunity, pulling her closer and and away from the counter.

One of his hands trailed down her neck, lingering on her collarbone. She bowed her head so it touched his as his lips traced the path of his hand. She let her hands rest at his waist, her sight becoming hazy. His hands were in her hair, her neck, and for a moment all she could do was stare ahead, feeling drugged as heat spread through her.

Her hands wormed their way beneath his shirt, and he moaned into her neck. She could feel scars there, some of which were familiar. She could remember when she saw the scars that Shaw had left on him for the first time, feeling a mixture of sadness and love that he could have come through all of that.

Distantly, Susanna felt the couch beneath her head. She looked up and saw that Erik was staring down at her, that same burning look as he cupped her face. She put her hands over his.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured.

She closed her eyes, waiting for his lips. He kissed her and she let her hands twine around his neck. One of her elbows dug into the sofa cushions, and she wanted to laugh, although all that came out was a breathy gasp of air.

He chuckled into her lips, moving up to kiss her eyelids. Susanna sighed, letting her hands move to his back. There were more scars there beneath her fingers, knots she didn't recognize.

_Wake up!_

She blinked, her mind clearing. They were in the living room. Her daughter was in the next room, even if she was already asleep. More than that, he was leaving. She knew he was.

Susanna needed to stop herself before she did something that she'd regret.

"Erik," she said.

He didn't answer, his teeth skimming her neck. She bit back a moan, forcing herself to stay concentrated.

"Erik stop," she said.

His lips stilled and he pulled away, his eyes still burning but confused now too. She looked away and gently pushed herself away from him. Susanna breathed in, trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry," Erik said.

His words seemed tight, and uncomfortable, like someone who knows they've made a mistake. Susanna looked back at him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but with their current state she knew where that would lead.

"That's not it," Susanna said.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw that he turned to look at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Erik, you're leaving," she said, "Soon."

There was a pause.

"Is that a statement or a demand?" he asked.

She turned to him, feeling desire becoming replaced by rage.

"It's a statement," she said between clenched teeth, "I know you're not staying here. I'm not..."

Susanna shook her head.

"Don't try to pretend otherwise," she said.

He was silent for another moment. When he spoke his voice was irritated.

"You know why I have to," he said.

"You don't have to do anything," Susanna said.

"You think that it's easy?" Erik hissed, "That this choice doesn't hurt?"

A small voice told her to stop, but she coudln't. Her hands fisted in the cloth of the sofa.

"Not when you're not the one getting the most hurt by it," she said.

Erik laughed, his voice bitter.

"Meaning that you have stronger emotions than me?" he asked, "That you care more than I do?"

"I was talking about Lorna," Susanna shot back.

He stiffened and Susanna got up, her hands clenched by her sides.

"Erik, I know why you think that you have to go," she said, "But...he can't matter. Not more than Lorna."

"I need to do this-"

"No, she needs you!" Susanna said.

She glanced at the door to Lorna's room. When she spoke again she lowered her voice. She needed him to understand. His daughter needed him to stay there. Susanna didn't matter in all of this.

"She needs her father. Erik, doesn't she matter?" she asked.

"Yes, she does," Erik said, his words strained, "But...I'm not...no."

Despite the firmness of his 'no,' Susanna shook her head.

"Don't think that you're the only one who can do the difficult thing," she said, "Don't you dare leave your daughter to go be some martyr for revenge."

Erik got up, grabbing her arm.

"I love both of you," he said, "Isn't that enough?"

Susanna looked down at his hand on her arm, her heart pounding. The words made her waver. He loved them. He loved her, loved their daughter. It made her feel weak, and she knew better than to think that she had ever been strong.

"Erik...that's more than I thought I could ask for after all this time," she said, "And maybe...maybe you could convince me that it would be enough now."

She stood up straighter. Susanna might have been weak once, but Lorna had made her strong. She jerked her arm away.

"But not for Lorna Erik," Susanna said, "You can't be half a father to her."

"Susanna-" he said.

"I once trusted in your love to keep you with me," she said, "I know better than to do that anymore. My feelings are immaterial in all of this though. The real question is whether or not you love your daughter enough to stay in her life, or if you're going to leave her with a broken heart."

Susanna turned on her heel and walked to her room, shutting the door behind her. She could feel her breath coming in panting, desperate gasps. She had to ignore it. There wasn't any other choice.

She locked the door before collapsing onto her bed. It creaked beneath her weight and she cried quietly into her pillow, pain flooding through her. It was hours before she was finally able to get to sleep.

When she did wake up, she wished that she was still asleep. There was too much she wanted to ignore, to pretend hadn't happened. She had to get up to go to work though. Susanna ventured towards the door to the living room, bracing herself before she opened it.

Erik was gone, and so was his bag. Lorna was sitting on the floor, her legs tucked up underneath her. She was still in her nightgown, and her arms were hugging herself.

"You're...you're up early," Susanna managed.

Lorna looked up at her mother, tears in her eyes.

"I heard the door slam a little bit ago," she said.

She bowed her head.

"He left...didn't he?"

Susanna knelt by her daughter, ignoring the stabbing pain inside of her. She put her arms around Lorna, holding her close.

"Yes," she said.

All she could do was hold her daughter while Lorna wept.


	8. Chapter 8

December 18, 1952

Erik could feel his heart pounding away in his chest as he walked to the train station. His bag had always been light in the past: he'd learned at an early age that it was wiser to travel light. This time it felt as though he had packed it with bricks.

Every step moved him further away from Susanna, from the child who was safely tucked in her bed. He closed his eyes against the winter dark and cold, willing and forcing his feet to trudge through the snow as December 17th became the 18th.

_You're doing the right thing,_ he thought, _They can't come with you Erik. You can't take them with you into your world. They might not have the best life here, but they're safe. You owe them that safety. _

He remembered what Susanna had told him as she had asked him not to leave. The memory of the submissive girl who had always waited for him and greeted him with a smile disappeared. Instead she had been replaced with someone much stronger. She still had that compassion that had drawn him to her, but there was a thread of iron running through her now. Maybe that was what motherhood had done to her, or what the cold years relying on herself had forged. Maybe it had been there all along, and he just hadn't seen it until now.

It made him love her all the more, made him want her in his arms. But she had made her terms perfectly clear: he couldn't have her if he didn't stay. From that conversation he wasn't even sure if she did want him. Any love she still held for him would surely evaporate after he left this time. Before she could make an excuse. He hadn't known about Lorna then. Now he did know, and he was leaving anyway.

He closed his eyes. Half a father. The more the phrase echoed in his head the more ashamed he felt of it. He couldn't just pop in and out of Lorna's life whenever the fancy took him. His daughter deserved so much more than that.

By implication he was also half a lover. Again, he was sure that Susanna would only look back on him with anger. It was possible that, given her forgiving and kind nature, she would look back at some of the things they had done together with fondness. She would never trust him again though.

He walked by the school. It had long since closed, but Lorna had once pointed out where she had beaten up the boy the day he came to see them. There were other, more benign revelations, though she had stayed very firmly on the sidewalk with him. She hadn't wanted to get too close to it. He didn't blame her. It was a bleak place.

His mind went to his own parents. What would his father say if he saw him walking away from his daughter? He would be angry, there was no doubt about that. Erik's father had been a family man, a respected member of the community. He wasn't a leader, but he was the type of man whose quiet dignity would ultimately be forgotten in the world, but it had been appreciated by his family.

As for his mother, he felt genuine pain thinking about that. She wouldn't be angry. She would be sad. He could almost hear her voice pleading for Lorna. She had teased him once, before the world had gone to hell, that she imagined him giving her many grandchildren. His mother would have loved her.

She would have loved Susanna too. Susanna was so compassionate and loving that anyone would love her. While Erik hated Albert with every fiber of his being for looking at Susanna the way he did, he couldn't blame him. Erik knew exactly what that pull felt like, a pull that he still felt.

He rubbed his temples as he approached the train station. This was the right thing, and he had to keep reminding himself of this. He had made his decision when Susanna had walked out of the room, before that to be honest. He had never intended to stay. He'd known that it would be harder to leave the longer he stayed, but what choice did he have?

Schmidt was still out there. For all of the things his mother would have said about Susanna and Lorna, the reason that she never had a chance to do so was still at large. Schmidt was out there, living his life penalty-free because of what he had done. He had tortured Erik, sliced and tested in order to find out what made him control metal, killed his mother to find it out. He needed to find him.

He bought his ticket, barely seeing the price, and getting on the train as soon as possible. He leaned against the window, feeling tired. No one else was in the compartment, and he doubted that anyone was going to be there. The town didn't exactly have a lot of bustling traffic.

His eyes continued to sweep the platform, finally resting on the clock that hung from the station wall. There were only fifteen minutes before the train left. More importantly though, Susanna would have woken up by now, would have noticed he was gone.

Erik clenched his fist. Would she cry because of what he had done? Would Lorna cry? If Lorna did, then he doubted Susanna would. At least not where her daughter could see her. She loved her daughter too much to let her see her own pain. It was that iron that he had glimpsed inside her.

As he sat he wondered what she would do next. He had no doubt that she would move on. She deserved to move on. If her feelings for him had been holding her back from any new relationships, then surely she would be released from them now. People might still whisper about her, but he knew that not everyone did.

He wondered who she would find now, a man who would love her and stay with her. He'd be a model sort of person. Albert's face floated in front of his mind. Bile filled his throat. Even though Susanna had told Erik that she had never seen him as anything other than a friend, he could imagine that Albert was persistent. Before long he would have found a way into her heart, or maybe she would say yes to be kind.

The idea of her loving another man made him grit his teeth together. He pressed his head further against the cold glass. She would get married, the last name Dane replaced by someone else's. She would call another man 'love,' call another man 'husband.'

And Lorna? Susanna wouldn't marry a man who didn't treat Lorna well. He would be the kind of man who would accept Lorna as his daughter, brush away any resentment he might feel at raising another man's child. In time she would call that man 'father.' After a while there might be other children to join her, siblings to make her smile and forget any pain that had been caused in the past.

Next to him he could feel the metal armrest begin to bend. Love. Husband. Father. Those were his titles, not anyone else's. How could he sit by idly and watch another man take them away from him? They were his.

The train lurched forward. It wasn't too late. He reached for his bag.

_And Schmidt?_ a voice whispered, _You're going to let him get away after everything that he's done? _

His hand faltered and his fingers trembled. Erik closed his eyes. The images of his mother's death mixed with images of Susanna marrying another man, of forgetting him, of Lorna forgetting him. They traded places in his mind, his determination wavering between the two.

He couldn't let go of either of them. A cold sweat broke out on his brow as two different futures played out before him. In one, he found Schmidt. He made him suffer for what he'd done, and he sent him to hell in agony.

In another, he went back, married Susanna, and became a father to Lorna. In time there was another child, a full sibling for Lorna. He could help them, could ease the burden that he had brought on Susanna. He could help preserve Lorna's innocence. He could know love again.

It sounded like a distant dream.

_You're going to give up now? After he hurt you? You're going to let him get off scott-free?_

A hissing noise escaped from between his teeth. The train was moving in earnest now. The motion seemed distant, as though it were all happening to someone else. It might as well have. The battle in his mind blocked out most of his other senses.

Schmidt. He could remember the pain, the camps, the smell of ash and soot. His parents' bodies, as his father had eventually joined his mother. He remembered Susanna's soothing touch, Lorna's bright and innocent laughter. The two stood at opposite ends of a chasm, each beckoning him with a sweet siren call.

It felt as though he were being torn in half.

_You'd let him escape when he ripped your soul into so many pieces that you may never find it again?_

Erik breathed in. How much longer could he continue to chase a phantom, a man whose leads were running out? How could he continue following slender lead after slender lead on the hope that one day he would be able to complete his vengeance?

Maybe before he could, but now that he knew? Now that he had been back, that his attachment to Susanna had been rekindled, that he knew he had a daughter? What was more selfish? Staying with them and letting Schmidt escape justice, or leaving them to chase a ghost?

It wasn't a choice that he had ever thought that he would have to make. He had never imagined that Susanna had become pregnant. He had never imagined that there was another future for him. Could he stay with them in good conscience though?

_ After he took away your family?_

Erik's eyes flew open. Yes, Schmidt had taken his family. He had directly killed his mother, and had made Erik watch as the cruel conditions of the camp eventually killed his father. It was something that he would never forget, never forgive.

But he had another family now, a loving woman and a sweet daughter. And he wasn't going to let Schmidt take this one away from him too.

"God damn it all," he hissed.

He grabbed his bag and ran to the other end of the compartment. The train was picking up speed, but it wouldn't be the first train that he had jumped off of. He bent his knees and jumped onto the ground, rolling a few feet before getting back on his feet.

He began running, his arms and legs pumping. His lungs weren't burning: he'd gotten used to running fast over long distances. He needed to get back to the apartment as soon as possible. He needed to prevent any more damage from being done, to undo the damage that had already been caused.

Erik passed the main street, ignoring the school. No one else was up yet. Susanna would be up for work, but what about Lorna? Would Lorna know that he had gone? Could he possibly make up his weakness to the two of them?

Pushing aside his doubts he jumped up the steps to the house. He considered knocking on the door, but he couldn't wait for them to answer it. He waved his hand over the doorknob and he heard a click. Not pausing for breath he opened the door.

Susanna and Lorna were on the floor. Susanna had her arms wrapped around Lorna, who was crying. She raised her tear-stained face up and her eyes widened with surprise. Erik let his bag drop from his hand and, for a moment, just stared back.

Lorna moved out of her mother's arms and ran up to him. He knelt so she could run into his arms and held her tightly. Lorna was still crying, and with every tear he hated himself a little more. How could he have done this to her?

"I thought you'd left," she sobbed.

"I did, but I won't," Erik vowed, "Never again."

He took a deep breath before looking up. Susanna's green eyes were riveted on him, but she hadn't moved since he came in. She was just looking at him like she'd seen a ghost, and in that moment he saw all the pain that he had caused.

No matter. Her pain, Lorna's pain, they didn't matter. He had the rest of his life to make it up to them.


	9. Chapter 9

December 18, 1952

Susanna watched as Lorna wept into Erik's shirt, watched as he patted her head and told her that it was going to be okay. It was apparent that her daughter was calming down, secure in the knowledge that everything was indeed going to be alright.

She didn't feel that way. She felt as though someone had reached into her chest and grabbed her heart, slowly squeezing it. Susanna could only stare at the apparition that had come back into her life and, now, had vowed that he wasn't going to leave them.

Every now and then he looked up at Susanna, almost as though he were trying to get some sort of confirmation in her eyes. Susanna felt her hands trembling by her sides, and she hated herself for her weakness. She needed to get out of that room, away from him, away from the questions that swirled relentlessly around her head.

"I'm glad you're back," she said, forcing her voice to be calm, "But I need to go into work now."

He gave her a puzzled look. Susanna knelt in front of him and kissed Lorna on her forehead. Erik gave her a surprised look, but she moved past him, grabbing her coat and walking out of the door.

She stuck her hands into her pockets, looking around at the neighborhood. It looked like it had changed drastically from when she had last seen it, and that had only been a few hours ago.

Why was she hurting this bad? She should be happy. Lorna had her father back and, by his own admission, he was going to be staying with them. That was more than she had expected the previous night, more than she had expected an hour before.

She walked into the diner and immediately began waiting on tables. Ruth gave her more than one funny look, and she asked her if something had gone wrong. She could always count on Ruth to ask.

"I can't talk about it right now," Susanna said.

"Not talking about it doesn't make it go away," Ruth said.

"I know," Susanna said, "But I can't."

Ruth had glanced at her and nodded. She'd let Susanna get back to waiting on tables without comment. She was glad that Albert wasn't there that day. She didn't nee someone else asking if everything was alright.

As usual, Erik and Lorna came to pick her up. Lorna's face was bright and happy, all traces of her tears long gone. Susanna was grateful, but she could still feel Erik's eyes on hers. They would need to talk, and soon.

The thought ran through her head throughout dinner. Every minute that she couldn't say what she wanted to was agony. She had to remain silent though. Lorna didn't need to get caught up in whatever was about to happen. Whatever Susanna did or said, she would have to take into account that Lorna couldn't be hurt by it. Susanna had always known that her daughter's feelings were more important than her own.

At long last Lorna began to yawn. Susanna ushered her off to bed, tucking her in. Instead of going directly out she stayed by her daughter's bedside. She waited until she could hear Lorna's soft snoring before walking back to the living room.

Erik was sitting on the couch. He looked up when she came back in.

"Is she asleep?" he asked.

"Yes," Susanna said.

He folded his hands in front of him.

"I know you want an explanation," he said, "And I don't blame you. But...you might want to sit down."

"I'd prefer to stand," she said.

He nodded once before looking back at his hands.

"I couldn't do it Susanna," he said at last, "When it came down to it, I couldn't do it."

She looked up at him, knowing that her eyes were angry.

"Why?" she asked.

He stared at his hands.

"Susanna," he said, "You have every right to hate me. I've made mistakes in my life. Big ones. I've hurt people that I didn't mean to, and, well, not looking back is a mistake in and of itself."

Erik shook his head.

"But whether or not I've acknowledged it, I've received a second chance in coming here," he said, "I wasted my first chance with foolish dreams, and I nearly wasted my second one this morning."

He tapped his fingers against his knee.

"And I know that, if you hate me for that, that's alright," he said.

She stared at him, nameless emotions welling up inside of her.

"But I'd ask that you let me continue to see Lorna," Erik said.

"What are you saying?" Susanna asked.

He bowed his head.

"If you say it's alright, I'll move in somewhere close by. I'll get a job, stay there," he said, "And I'll see Lorna as often as I can, as often as you'll let me. That's all. No more secrets, just honesty."

A small part of her heart cracked. He was going to stay for Lorna, doing what any good man would do. That was fine, perfect even. Lorna needed her father, and it meant that Susanna had been right. He loved Lorna enough to stay.

Part of Susanna just felt broken at the thought that she hadn't figured into his thinking. She had no right to figure any thinking though, not when there was a chance at securing her daughter's happiness. Who cared about her?

She was about to tell him that that made her happy, but he continued speaking.

"And all the while, I'll try to win your love back," Erik said, "Win it back from the pain that I've caused you."

Her eyes widened. She could feel tears filling them, as well as a caution not to forgive him too fast. It was a distant voice though.

"Because I'm willing to fight for you," Erik said, "And I'll continue until one day you say that you'll marry me. I'll wait as long as I have to."

Susanna knew that he was going to say something else, but she didn't let him finish. She sat down on the couch before wrapping her arms around his face and kissing him. Tears were coursing down her cheeks, but it didn't matter.

She'd been right again, the victory bittersweet. All this time, and she'd been right about the man she'd loved all that time ago, the man she still loved. Erik was a good man, someone who cared about others, was willing to change. He didn't have to live his life in rage anymore, and he understood it. More than that, he didn't want to live his life like that.

She pulled away briefly.

"You don't have to wait," she whispered, "I'd marry you right now."

His hands gripped her shoulders, digging into her skin.

"I want you to be sure," he said, "Because when you say right now, I'll take you at your word. I want...I want you to be sure."

His voice was strained. Susanna put a hand on his face. He closed his eyes at her touch, and she let her fingers linger there.

"I'm sure," she said.

Without another word he pulled her into his arms, kissing her again. This time though, there was no question. She felt reassurance for the first time in years that she was making a good choice.

Susanna put her arms around his neck again, closing her eyes.

* * *

Hours later Erik stared at the ceiling. Susanna was curled up in his arms, still soundly asleep. The bed was narrow: just a twin with creaky springs that she had most likely purchased at a discount store. They had to sleep pressed flush up against one another to ensure that they had enough room.

He didn't mind. Erik ran a hand absently over her shoulder, and she breathed out, her breath tickling the skin of his chest. Although the light that filtered in from the street outside was dim, he could see that she was resting peacefully.

He smiled to himself and looked at the hand resting on his heart. He would have to find a ring for that soon. Erik didn't know where to get one, but he wouldn't let that finger stay naked for too long. Now that she had said yes, he didn't want to waste any time proclaiming his claim to the world.

It wasn't as simple as just going to the courthouse and getting married. Erik knew that. There was a waiting period and paperwork involved. He also knew that there would be more paperwork to give Lorna his last name, but he could get through it. He would sign as many forms as necessary to make them both Lensherrs.

Erik would also have to find a job soon. He wasn't going to continue to let Susanna work all those long hours alone if he could help. There were a few stashes of Nazi gold that he could melt down and cash, discreetly of course. That would certainly help things along.

Susanna made another noise. He bent down and kissed her brow, pulling her a little closer. He would make this work. He could be a good husband, a good father. Erik could have a family again.

There was, of course, a small voice chiding him for giving up his quest. He had given up revenging his family, of knowing just what had happened to Schmidt, of letting him know that the monster he made was coming for him.

It was a sacrifice, and one that he wasn't entirely pleased with. He realized that he couldn't have both, and he was still convinced that he had chosen the better option. No other man was going to get the privilege of being Susanna's husband or Lorna's father. That was his right, and he wasn't going to relinquish it. Revenge wasn't going to get in that way in the way either. He couldn't let Schmidt or, rather, his phantom, take this from him.

Erik had spent the entire day figuring out what he was going to say to Susanna. The wording had been very carefully chosen. He'd wanted to let her know that he knew he didn't deserve her. That was true enough. Erik recognized that she should be with someone better, but he couldn't bear to let her go.

He'd hoped that she would accept him immediately, but he'd meant it when he'd said that he was willing to fight for her. He was still willing to fight for her. Erik had been banking, or rather hoping, that her loving, forgiving nature was too strong to turn him away when he apologized. Otherwise he hadn't had a prayer in hell. He had been right, and he couldn't help but feel like someone was watching out for him.

No, he hadn't been entirely honest with Susanna. He hadn't let her know just how great the struggle to give up his quest was. To some extent he knew she understood, but not entirely. How could she? Her world wasn't as dark as his, and she had no idea about all the terrible things he had done over the years. He doubted that she would understand his reasons or how he felt. That was alright. The less people there were out there like him, the safer the world would be.

She had said that she would marry him though. He was glad, and it filled him with deep satisfaction and contentment. Erik could fall asleep next to her at night, wake up to her in the morning. He could help her walk Lorna to school, watch his child grow up, watch a good, normal, happy life unfurl for them though.

He could be good to them. He could make them happy to make up for all of the pain he had caused them. One day he could prove himself worthy of the love, compassion, and trust that Susanna had showed him. He could be worthy of the way that Lorna ran into his arms. He knew that he could.

More than anything Erik wanted them to truly be his family, and he wanted them to be happy. It was a simple wish, but one he knew often got complicated in the world that they lived in now.

He'd meant it when he said that there would be no more secrets. None, except one. He flexed his fingers. Erik couldn't risk scaring Susanna away with his ability. It was likely that it would become useful in the next few years, especially if the world was as black a place as he knew it to be.

No matter what, he couldn't let anyone take them from him. He had given up his life's work to be with them. Now that he had them, he wasn't going to let them go ever again. No one was going to take them away, or hurt them, and God help whoever tried to do so.


	10. Chapter 10

December 24, 1952

"Stay still," Susanna said.

Lorna nodded, jerking her body and causing Susanna to lose her grip on the buttons of her daughter's dress. Her continuous squirming had allowed her pigtails to get caught up in the buttons, and she could only whimper every time she tried to move her head. The fact that she was still moving her head said something about how excited she was.

Susanna just sighed, but at the same time she couldn't help but smile. Her daughter's green eyes were almost glowing, and she couldn't stop smiling. Susanna supposed that not many children got to participate in their parents' weddings.

She finished buttoning up Lorna's best dress. It wasn't perfect: it had been patched once in the back where the buttons were done up. However, the light green fabric really made her eyes seem darker. Green was Lorna's favorite color.

As for herself, Susanna had picked out her own best dress. It was a dark blue color, and it was one of the few dresses that she hadn't gotten secondhand. There had been no real time to buy anything new, and no real money to buy it with, but she was happy enough as it was.

She'd spent ages fussing over her own hair, feeling nervous. She'd ended up putting it in a simple upsweep, a little fancier than what she did to her hair for work at the diner. Ruth had agreed to come down and be the witness, the only other person besides Lorna that they were inviting.

"Are you sure about this honey?" Ruth had asked.

"Yes, of course I am," Susanna replied.

Her friend had shaken her head, looking more than a little rueful.

"As long as he treats you right," she'd said, "I wish you luck."

She'd rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"By the by, need someone to look after Lorna that night?" she'd asked.

"Oh, no," Susanna had answered, "We're not doing anything too fancy, and...well..."

She'd closed her eyes.

"I just want us all to be a family right now," she'd said, "Nothing fancy. Just the three of us, perhaps going home to eat something special and play a board game."

When she'd looked Ruth had given her a look caught between wonder and pity.

"Alright then," she'd said, "I hope you're all very happy."

Susanna's thoughts drifted back to the present. Lorna was looking up at her with expecting eyes. A moment later Susanna remembered that she was supposed to give her flowers. Her daughter was standing in both as a maid of honor and a flower girl, although she'd been admonished against actually throwing flowers during the ceremony. It wasn't going to last more than fifteen minutes.

She looked over at the counter and found the small bouquet of flowers. They had been a last minute surprise from Erik, and she knew that they had been expensive. Flowers in the winter were hard to find. She picked out a few and gave them to Lorna, who began grinning again.

The wedding was finally happening. She was glad that they had already sorted out the paperwork. Erik had been getting a little irritated with it. She'd tried to say that this was just the way things went, but he'd countered her by saying that he had, whether or not he'd known it, been waiting to marry her for years. He'd said that he was getting tired of waiting.

Susanna hadn't been able to say anything to that. The idea of being married on Christmas Eve was, in its own right, magical. She was being given the greatest Christmas gift she had ever received, a love that she had thought would never be hers. She couldn't change the past, but the future certainly looked brighter.

It was almost complete. They had already turned in their license and any other information that the judge had decided they needed. She'd turned it in and signed everything. Now all they needed to do was complete the actual ceremony.

Ruth walked into the waiting room, looking a little tired. She'd dressed nicely too, although Susanna had seen her giving Erik a level look more than once. She hoped that Ruth hadn't said anything to him. Ruth might be opinionated, but Erik had a short fuse when it came to lectures.

"All ready?" Ruth asked.

Susanna nodded, smiling. She looked down at Lorna.

"Ready?" she asked.

Lorna gave her a thumbs up. She took her daughter's spare hand and walked into the courtroom.

* * *

It had taken longer than Erik had wanted to sort everything out. He'd been a little frustrated, but it had ultimately ended with the two of them in a small courtroom on Christmas Eve. He supposed that, as long as they ended up married, he didn't quite care how it happened.

He stood next to the judge. The man had given him a funny look when he realized that Lorna was his daughter. Perhaps the man had thought that it was a little late for a wedding. He hadn't said anything though, which was the reason why Erik had yet to punch him.

The door opened. Susanna walked in, hand in hand with Lorna. Ruth walked in behind them, but he barely saw her at all. The older woman had already given her opinion on him with her eyes, and he had to admit that it wasn't very flattering. She had barely spoken a word to him since she'd gotten there. It didn't matter.

His mind and eyes were fixed on Susanna, her beautiful face filled with excitement. She was going to be his wife soon, the final formalities done and dispensed with. There were only a few more forms to fill out before Lorna would be officially his too. Everything would go perfectly.

She let go of Lorna's hand and stood by Erik. Her hands slipped into his. She smiled at him again and glanced back at Lorna. He followed her eyes and Lorna gave a small thumbs-up. He winked at her before turning his attention to the judge.

"We are gathered together here in the presence of this witness to join this man and this woman in matrimony, which is an honorable estate, and is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and discreetly," the judge said, "If anyone can show just cause why this man and this woman may not lawfully be joined together, let them speak now or hereafter remain silent."

No one said anything, which was good, since he didn't want to start his marriage with a brawl.

"Erik and Susanna, I require and charge you both that if either of you know any reason why you may not lawfully be joined together in matrimony, you do now confess," the judge said, "If any persons are joined together otherwise than as prescribed by law, their marriage is not lawful."

There was more silence. Erik wished he would just hurry up and get to the part when Susanna became his wife. It felt like each second was agony, and he already mourned the formalities which meant that he had to perform a ceremony that announced his claim to the world.

The rings, purchased quickly at a small store a few blocks away from the courthouse, were already heavy in his pocket.

"Erik Michael Lensherr, will you take this woman to be your wedded wife,to live together in the estate of matrimony?" the judge asked, "Will you love, honor and keep her; in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, as long as you both shall live?"

He didn't hesitate.

"I will."

The judge nodded and looked at Susanna. Erik had the feeling that he looked a bit more nervous about asking her permission. He wasn't sure why it was, but he did know that he gripped Susanna's hands a little tighter.

"Susanna Rose Dane, will you take this man to be your wedded husband, to live together in the estate of matrimony?" the judge asked, "Will you love, honor and keep him; in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only until him, so long as you both shall live?"

"I will."

The judge nodded and turned to Erik.

"Erik, repeat after me."

Erik nodded, being sure to look Susanna in the eye as he spoke. She needed to understand.

"I, Erik, take thee Susanna, to be my wedded wife," the judge said.

"I, Erik, take thee Susanna, to be my wedded wife," Erik repeated.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part," the judge said.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part," Erik said.

Tears welled in Susanna's eyes and she smiled, a soft, kind expression that made him ache. How could he have almost left her? How could he have almost let this opportunity pass him by without looking back?

He took the ring out of his pocket and placed it on her finger. He'd made sure that he'd gotten the correct sizes on the rings before he came. Erik wasn't going to risk it falling off halfway through the ceremony.

Erik looked down at the ring. It looked right there.

"Susanna, repeat after me," the judge said.

She breathed in, the unshed tears still shining in her eyes.

"I, Susanna, take thee Erik, to be my wedded husband."

"I, Susanna, take thee Erik, to be my wedded husband," she repeated.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part."

Her smile became broader, and a tear escaped her eye. He slipped her the ring through his hand. Her fingers encircled his and put the ring onto his finger. It felt heavy there, reminding him of the weighty responsibility of the union.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part," she said.

There was no hesitation in her voice, only honest sincerity. There was nothing insincere about her love. He found himself wondering yet again how he had managed to win her love, how he had the sheer nerve to claim such purity for his own.

It didn't really matter whether or not he deserved her, or whether or not she would be better without him. She was giving herself to him voluntarily and vowing to stand next to him. The vows should have been made a long time ago, and he was only angry that he hadn't had the courage to keep her then.

She turned her head towards the judge who, for the first time that Erik had seen him, smiled.

"For as much as Erik and Susanna have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and have declared the same by joining hands," he said, "Now, by the authority vested in me by the State of Michigan and the Office of the Court, I pronounce you to be husband and wife and extend to you my best wishes for a successful and happy married life together. You may kiss the bride."

Erik let go of Susanna's hands and cupped her face. He leaned in and kissed her. She was his second chance at life, a chance to do things over, to have something approaching peace. It was impossible not to want to hold onto that.

He let go of her face and let his hands enfold hers again. Next to him he heard the judge shut his book.

"Also, a personal thanks for granting me the honor and privilege of extending the marriage vows," he said.

Erik wanted to raise his eyebrows, but he decided against it. He supposed that the statement was just part of the official ceremony.

"Now, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Lensherr?" he asked.

Lorna let out a little squeak of excitement. Susanna smiled too. Finally, they were officially his.

* * *

_**A/N: **Most of the weddings I do in my stories are ceremonies based on online transcripts. For this one I'd like to thank The Civil Marriage Ceremony Handbook for Mayors from Michigan. Happy Easter everyone!_


	11. Chapter 11

March 30, 1953

"Erik, could you hand me the knife?" Susanna asked.

Erik did so and Susanna began frosting the small cake. She'd saved some cocoa to make some chocolate frosting, since she knew how much Lorna loved it. Just because they had a little extra money didn't mean that she was going to go crazy spending it though. She'd planned and budgeted to make sure that everything worked out just so.

They were living in a new apartment, one that was a few streets down from where they had originally lived. It was better: there was hot water most of the time, and the pipes never creaked. Very few things creaked, and the house was often silent. There were the same number of rooms, but she didn't have to worry about insulating them.

The money for the new apartment had come as a surprise. Erik had told her that he'd been saving money for a long time, never having much need of it. Susanna wasn't sure if she was being told all there was to do with that story, mostly because the numbers didn't quite add up. Still, at the time she had just marveled at the idea of being able to sleep in some place that she wasn't worried would fall apart. If she asked again later then it would seem like she didn't trust him.

Just because she didn't ask didn't mean that she didn't have her own ideas though. Susanna couldn't forget the threats he'd uttered against the people who had hurt him when they were younger. Every time he'd spoken Susanna had begged him to leave it behind him, to focus on his present, on his future. After a while he had stopped talking about it.

Susanna had known better than to think that he'd forgotten his cause entirely. The very fact that he had run away without saying goodbye spoke to it. He'd told her he'd travelled since then, and that he'd dabbled in construction a bit. She highly doubted if that was all.

Sometimes Susanna wondered if the hands that had caressed her face had ever strangled or stabbed anyone. She wondered how many lives her husband had taken, and she found herself wondering if the money that bought their new apartment had been bounty or blood money.

It wasn't as though this was new information to her. She had suspected it since he'd left and, now that he had come back, it was still something of a doubt in her mind. He'd promised her that he wouldn't keep any secrets from her though, and she had to trust that. She had to, at least for now, trust that he had told her exactly where the money had come from: he hadn't needed it.

Most of that reserve money had gone towards the apartment, the rent was a little higher, and they were feeding three instead of two, but there was some spare cash too now. She had never been in a position to throw around money, although having the extra ten or twenty dollars at the end of the week with Erik's paycheck was making things much better. It was why, instead of another book or a sweater for Lorna, she was getting something a little special this year.

"Do you think it will fit her?" Susanna asked, looking over at the small parcel next to her.

Erik picked up the box. It contained a watch, something that she knew Lorna would enjoy. She'd often looked enviously at her mother's watch. Susanna wasn't sure why her daughter was so fascinated with time pieces, but if she liked them then she wasn't going to ask too many questions.

She finished icing the small cake and put the knife down. She gathered up the candles and Erik set down the box. He reached out, swiping his finger along the knife's frosted edge. He sucked on his finger and Susanna gave him a disapproving look.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't do that," she said, her voice reproving.

He grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. His head leaned up against hers and, when he spoke, his voice was amused.

"And what happened to that girl who helped me sneak cookies from the kitchen?" he asked.

"She grew up," Susanna said.

"That she did," Erik said.

He kissed the side of her face and let go.

"And now she's my wife and lecturing me," he said, his voice raising slightly in mock-annoyance.

She had to stifle a giggle. It was so rare to see this playful side of him.

"You'll set a bad example for Lorna," Susanna said, imitating his tone.

"She's not here," he said.

"I told her to meet us in the dining room," Susanna said, "If we're not there in a few minutes, then she's going to start wondering just where we are."

She looked at the door.

"I'm surprised that she hasn't already broken the door down asking about the cake," Susanna said.

She picked up the candles and positioned them around the cake. There were seven in total, and she had a little bit of trouble fitting them all on it. However, she managed it and struck a match.

A moment later all of the candles were lit.

"We should take it in soon," Susanna said.

She looked over her shoulder and saw Erik staring at the cake. She frowned as she waved the match back and forth, putting out the flame.

"Is something wrong Erik?" she asked.

* * *

Was something wrong? Yes, something was very wrong. He wasn't sure how to tell her though, which was a problem that he was finding cropped up more and more. She wouldn't understand, not when her life had been filled with Lorna.

"She's seven," he said.

Susanna frowned at him for a moment, putting the match into the sink.

"Yes," she said.

He stared at her, willing her to somehow understand the jumble of thoughts that went back and forth in his head.

"She's seven," he repeated.

His wife continued to look at him, and he sighed. Of course. He should have known that she wouldn't understand.

"You know that...it doesn't matter that much," Susanna said after a time.

Erik's eyes swiveled. Susanna was looking at the ground.

"You're here now Erik," she said, "And, yes, seven years is a long time."

She let her eyes reach his now, and she gave him a small shrug.

"What you did...Erik, that meant a lot to her," Susanna said, "She'll be telling her own children about her father's return home, about all the things that you did for her as she grew up. You missed around seven years, yes, but you've gained the rest of her life."

Tentatively she reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Just like you've got mine," Susanna said.

Erik held her back. He knew that Susanna's words should comfort him and, in some ways, then did. He had years rolled out in front of him, years that could contain anything and everything. However, an unpleasant, sneaking suspicion was beginning to make its way across his mind. He had them, and now he would have to protect them if he wanted to keep them.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. This wasn't surprising information. It just proved that he was going to have to make sure that nothing ever happened to them. There was an uneasy feeling in his mind that, maybe, there wasn't anything to fear in this small, slightly rundown town. He shoved it away.

He'd been caught unawares once. He wasn't going to let it happen again.

* * *

Lorna had heard the raised voices from the kitchen, but she hadn't heard what they were saying. She'd stood awkwardly in the living room, her hands clasped behind her roof. She really hoped that they weren't fighting. They couldn't be making each other unhappy.

She thought she heard her mother sigh. Feeling bold and curious Lorna walked to the door to the kitchen and peeked in. Her father was kissing her mother's forehead, and her mother looked happy enough. She stepped away from the door as soon as she saw: kissy stuff was kind of gross.

However, it did mean that everything was alright. She waited for another minute before going to the dining room table, clambering up into a chair. Her mother came out a moment later with the cake, each candle lit. Her father followed her and Lorna grinned at both of them.

Her mother set the cake in front of her, and Lorna could feel her mouth watering.

"Happy birthday Lorna," her mother said, kissing her forehead.

Lorna looked up and beamed. Her father was standing a few feet away, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed. He did that a lot, but he was smiling, so she knew that it wasn't because he was upset this time. A lot of his happy and sad mannerisms were the same, and Lorna hadn't quite figured out how to tell which was which.

However, she knew enough to know that he wasn't angry at the moment. The smile was reaching his eyes. They couldn't have really been fighting then. It was just further confirmation of what she already knew.

Satisfied she turned back to the task at hand. Her mother had placed a small package in front of her.

"From your father and I," she said.

Lorna picked it up and ripped the brown paper off of it. Inside she saw a watch, silvery and pretty. Lorna's eyes grew even bigger. Only grown-up people got watches. Perhaps seven was grown up enough.

It was more than just something grown-ups had though. There were intricate little gears in it: she'd seen a picture in a book. For some reason all those little clicking pieces of metal seemed amazing, and it felt cool to wear it whenever her mother had let her borrow hers.

She wouldn't have to ask to borrow her mother's anymore now though. Now she had her own.

"Thank you!" Lorna said, grinning.

She clasped it around her wrist. It was a little big, but from experience Lorna knew that that just meant that she was going to be able to wear it for longer. Lorna stared at the hands ticking by for a few minutes before her father cleared his throat.

Surprised, Lorna turned and looked at him.

"Isn't it a bit of a tradition to blow out the candles now?" he asked.

"Oh, right," Lorna said.

She looked down at the small cake in front of her and sucked in a deep breath. She let it go and the flames on the seven candles flickered before dying. Lorna jumped up and clapped her hands.

"I did it! I get a wish!" she said.

"Yes, but don't tell us," her mother said.

Lorna bit her lip for a moment, wondering what it was that she should wish for. In the past she had always vaguely hoped for specific things, and she'd probably overused her wish limits. Lorna had wished that the leak in the roof be fixed since it had let in the cold. She'd wished for hot water, her mother to be happy and, one year when she'd been particularly vindictive, for Mabel to fall into a mud puddle.

Now though, now she wasn't sure what it was that she was supposed to do. She had a father now as well as a mother. They had moved out of that creaky little apartment. She was even doing well in school, besides the usual jerks. Lorna didn't even feel that belligerent towards Mabel anymore.

After a moment she was struck by inspiration. She slid her eyes closed and smiled. Silently, she wished that things would always be this good.


	12. Chapter 12

February 17, 1954

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?" Lorna asked.

Erik looked over from the dishes. Susanna ha already left for work, an he'd volunteered to clean things up an get Lorna ready for school. There had been a problem with some of the construction plans and they had halted all work for three days. While he knew that he should mourn the loss of income, and in a way he did, he did appreciate the extra time with Lorna.

Even though he had been there for a year, he still found it hard to believe that the sweet little girl in front of him was his daughter, called him her father. He wiped off his hands and walked over to her.

"You're going to be going to school in half an hour," he said, "And you're just now starting on your homework?"

"I had trouble with it last night," Lorna said.

"Then why didn't you say anything then?" Erik asked, rubbing his temples.

She shrugged.

"I didn't wanna."

He took his hand away from his temples.

"Next time, say something," he said.

"Yes dad," Lorna said.

She didn't sound completely sincere, but he didn't have the time to give her more of a lecture. Besides, he wasn't very good at lengthy speeches. They bored him, and he knew that the more he talked the more frustrated he was going to get.

He wasn't about to get frustrated at his daughter over something he himself had done as a child.

"What's giving you trouble?" he asked.

"This history lesson," she said, "I don't get it."

He raised his eyebrows before taking a seat.

"What don't you get?" he asked.

She pointed at a paragraph. He saw that she was studying early American history. Erik sighed. Of course it was American history, one of the subjects he knew little about. It had never seemed particularly important, and they hardly taught it in the small school he'd grown up with in Poland. It had taught him good German and a smattering of English. They had both come in handy in different ways.

History though? While he'd done some reading, there wasn't much else to do on trains, he couldn't say that he had a lot of knowledge about it.

"So it says that Columbus discovered America," Lorna said, "And I'm supposed to write an essay on that."

"How long?" he asked.

"Three paragraphs."

He steepled his fingers.

"And how much do you have?" he asked.

She looked down at her paper. Erik saw that she had written her name in the corner. Other than that, the paper was blank.

"I'm not writing your essay for you," he said.

"I don't want you to," Lorna said, "I just wanna know if you can explain something."

Erik frowned.

"I'll try, but you do understand that I'm not American, don't you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Lorna said, "You're...Polish."

"Right," Erik said.

Lorna gave a short nod and then looked at the book in front of her.

"So, they said that he discovered America," Lorna said, "But they also say that he found Indians there."

He squinted. There was a picture of several men with reddish-brown skin pointing to three ships on the horizon. Erik raised his eyebrows again. He'd seen a few Native Americans in his travels, and they certainly didn't look like that.

However, he decided that he'd stay concentrated on the problem at hand and discuss such things later. Lorna already looked confused enough.

"It does say that, yes," Erik said.

She looked up at him, biting her lip in concentration. He knew she did this when she was trying to think, to find a way to express the million thoughts that coursed through her head. She'd been doing that a little more lately, which meant that she was saying things that were a bit more thoughtful instead of her usual stream of chatter.

It was both a blessing and a curse. She could take a while sometimes. Still, he waited patiently.

"But if there were people there, then he couldn't have discovered it," Lorna said at last, "It makes no sense."

Erik rested his head on his hand.

"You should probably explain," he said.

"Well, I don't mean that there's no way that he discovered America, or that he didn't discover anything," Lorna said, "But it doesn't make sense. I mean, I guess he found America and told everyone about it, but he couldn't have discovered a place that already had people on it, right? They would've been the ones who discovered it, and then he would've just been passing the information along."

He gave her a long look.

"You're very clever Lorna," he said.

"Really?" Lorna asked.

"Yes," Erik said, "I doubt that anyone else would have said it that way, so simply and yet so perfectly. No one your age in any case."

"So, should I say that in my essay?" Lorna said, "Just like that?"

"No," Erik said.

Her eyes widened. He tapped his chin, looking for a way to get her to understand. What he was going to say was something that was a little old for her, but he figured that she would have to find out sooner or later.

"Lorna, why do you think people write these books?" he asked.

She put her pencil down.

"So I can learn what I need to know?" Lorna ventured.

"Close, but not quite," Erik said, "They write these books so you can learn what they want you to know."

She crossed her arms.

"I don't get it," she said.

"No, I don't suppose you would," Erik said.

Lorna stuck out her tongue.

"I'm plenty smart," she said.

"I just told you that you were clever," Erik said, "I'm just saying that it's not something I would expect someone your age would know."

He spread out his hands. While he hadn't been to the same type of school Lorna was attending, he knew plenty about the kind of people who liked to put things in neat little packages. Perhaps it was time that Lorna was aware of this too.

More than ever, he knew he needed to tell her. Once she knew about this, she could protect herself from it.

"You see, the people who write these books want to give you history the way they see it," Erik said, "They want to simplify things and say that Columbus was a brave explorer who discovered a new land, because that makes for a better story. Do you see?"

She stared at her paper.

"So...it's like when Jason said that I was the one who threw the first punch to the teacher even when he's the one that did," Lorna said.

He narrowed his eyes.

"When did this happen?" he asked.

The notion of finding the snot-face bully and teaching him a lesson floated into his mind. He pushed it away: he couldn't go about beating up children. Erik could, however, find a way to scare the little shit into telling the truth.

"Ages and ages ago," Lorna said dismissively, "I kicked him again when he said that."

Erik smiled at the thought. He could just imagine Lorna teaching the filthy liar never to mess with her again.

"But that's just a lie," Lorna said.

"It's never that easy though," Erik said, "There were elements of truth in that story that they printed for you."

"But it wasn't true, so it's a lie," Lorna said.

He rubbed his temples again. How was he supposed to get through to his daughter? She'd been raised by Susanna in a safe, sheltered place. She had no idea about the vagaries of life, the fact that there was a gray in between the black and white. Of course there had been bad things and difficulties in Lorna's life, but she had been loved. More than that, she had been loved by Susanna.

She'd told Erik once that her parents had had strict beliefs in what was right and what was wrong. Those beliefs had been passed onto her. They had shaped her, helped her to become the person who had loved selflessly and defended tirelessly. She had stood up for what she believed in, which had caused many arguments when he'd told her what he intended to do when he got old enough to leave the town.

If only he could get Lorna to understand.

"It's a half-truth," Erik corrected.

"A lie," Lorna repeated.

He lifted his head off of his hand. His daughter was looking at him with defiant eyes.

"If it's not the complete truth, then it's a lie," Lorna said, "And lying's wrong."

Erik shifted uncomfortably. He thought about where he'd told Susanna he'd gotten the money for the new apartment. Yes, some of it had been investments. Most of it had been a stash of Nazi gold he'd kept as a way to find people that he'd reshaped so it didn't bare a swatstika.

There was blood on that gold, in more ways than one. He knew just how they had gotten that gold, and he'd killed the men who had originally possessed it. The bars that he used for money weren't the ones that he knew was pulled from the very bones of his people. Those bars were used when he wanted to let the men he killed know just why he was doing what he was doing.

More importantly he thought about the ability that had allowed him to reshape the metal. He'd been cautious when he'd first met Susanna, cautious of anyone and everything. As they'd become closer he'd put off telling her about it before finally deciding not to tell her. It was a secret he was unwilling to share, and she hadn't needed to know. He'd been leaving.

Now that he was definitely staying, he knew better than to think it was time to tell her. How could she understand what he could do? How could he reveal the strange, freakish ability that he possessed? It would scare her, and he wasn't about to let his wife get scared over something that wasn't going to matter.

No, it was best that it stay a secret. As uncomfortable as Lorna's words were making him, he knew what he had done was the right thing. It wasn't a lie, not really. Susanna and Lorna didn't need to know about the Nazi gold or his powers.

They were half-truths. Not lies.

"Right," he said, deciding not to press the issue yet, "But you need to write something for your teacher to grade. And you can't write what you were talking about."

"Why not?" Lorna asked.

"Because your teacher is going to be too stupid to think that a child your age is that smart," Erik said, not feeling in the mood to bandy words, "She'll accuse you of cheating, or me or your mother of writing it for you."

He expected her to protest, but once more he was pleasantly surprised.

"She is pretty dumb," Lorna muttered.

"Right," Erik said, "For now just tell them the story they told you right back to them."

Lorna chewed her lip in concentration.

"But that's a lie," she said.

"Not really," Erik said, "The assignment is to parrot their story right back to them. That's all they want you to do."

"But-"

"You asked how to finish an assignment right now," Erik said, "That's the way. When you're older, go ahead and shock them, but for now, bide your time."

He looked back at the clock.

"And you'd best get going," he said, "You have fifteen minutes now."

Lorna sighed and began scribbling on the page. Erik nodded to himself. His daughter was clever, but she had to find out how to work the world. She had the mind for it. Right now she had to write the essays that the teachers wanted her to write. In a few years, she'd be telling them what she wanted them to write.


	13. Chapter 13

September 29, 1955

Susanna went into the bathroom and let her hair down. It was past her shoulders now, and she considered cutting it. The ends were getting a little fuzzy, and if it was shorter then it would be easier to put up.

She picked up her hair brush and began to comb out her hair. There were few snarls in it: it was why she kept it up when she was at work. Her hair was getting thicker though, and she wasn't quite sure why that was. Maybe it was a better diet or environment. They were the only things that had really changed in the past few years.

She put her hair into a ponytail and then splashed water on her face. When she was done washing it she walked into the living room, digging out her tips from her pockets. She'd gotten five dollars that day, and it was pretty good. Not many people gave generous tips and Albert hadn't been there that day.

He'd given her odd looks for months after she got married. He'd noticed the ring immediately: everyone in the town had. It had made her highly uncomfortable, but he had never raised the subject. He'd spoken in clipped tones and he hadn't come in as often as he once had. After another few months his conversation was a little less tight though, and he became more frequent.

Susanna was simultaneously relieved and embarrassed about the situation. On the one hand it was nice to have a customer who wasn't constantly barking at her to get them their coffee faster. On the other hand it meant that Ruth had been right and Albert had felt something towards her. She wished he hadn't, since she had never seen him that way, and that made it awkward just to think about.

She glanced at the clock. Lorna and Erik would be coming home any minute now. She had switched with one of the other waitresses and taken the afternoon shift, but she had arrived too late to pick up Lorna from the schoolyard. It had been a last minute switch and, originally, she'd been hoping she'd get out a little early and meet Erik and Lorna on their walk home. No such luck.

At least Erik was able to bring Lorna home from school on most days. He usually took the early morning shifts at work, and that gave him most of his afternoons free. Sometimes they even came to the diner to pick her up, and that always put a smile on her face. Now it was her turn to surprise them.

She heard footsteps and turned to the door, hastily putting her tips back in her pocket. She'd put it in their emergency fund jar when she went into the kitchen. She could just hear their voices as they began to approach the apartment.

"-you know what you did wrong, don't you?"

Erik's voice sounded stern, and Susanna paused. What had Lorna done? Immediately Susanna knew the answer, and she sighed. She'd been fighting again. Susanna had hoped that Lorna would grow out of the habit, but it seemed that things hadn't calmed down in the past few years.

She wished that Erik would have waited for her before lecturing Lorna. Still, she couldn't blame him for wanting to give his daughter advice as soon as possible, or at least let her know that he was displeased.

"I hit him in the stomach instead of in the face?" Lorna asked.

Susanna put a hand to her mouth. She would really have to have a talk with Lorna.

"That's right."

She froze just as she heard the key turn in the lock.

"You need to hit there first. Not shutting him down immediately allowed him get back up, which is why he got a few hits in," Erik said, "That's where you went wrong. You should have disoriented him first."

He opened the door. Upon seeing Susanna he smiled, but he must have seen the shock and anger on her face. He furrowed his brow, but Susanna wasn't going to let him get a word in. She had to try to undo any damage that had been done.

"Lorna," she said, "You got into a fight at school today, didn't you?"

Lorna gulped and nodded. Susanna walked up to her daughter and knelt in front of her. She took her hands in hers.

"What did I teach you about fighting?" she asked.

"That I shouldn't," Lorna said.

Erik stiffened next to her. Susanna looked down at her daughter's hands. There were bloody scrapes across her knuckles and Susanna wanted to cry. She swallowed her feelings and looked into Lorna's eyes again.

"Lorna, I don't want you doing this," she said.

"He hit me first!" Lorna said.

"And you're smarter than he is. You didn't have to hit him back," Susanna said.

"You don't even know who I'm talking about," Lorna said.

Her voice was sullen, defiant even. Susanna took a deep breath.

"I don't have to," Susanna said, "You outsmarted him, said something that made him feel as silly as he was being, and that made him mad. So, because he wasn't smart enough to say something smart back, he hit you."

Lorna looked up at her mother, biting her lip.

"I wanted him to stop," she said.

"And you can make him," Susanna said, "But one day you're going to get into trouble for fighting, more trouble than just having your teacher yell at you. And I don't want to see that happen to you Lorna. There's a world outside of the schoolyard, and fists won't help you that much there."

"You'd be surprised."

The sound of her husband's voice made Susanna look up. His whole stance was tense, and she could see a muscle twitch in his jaw. She turned her attention back to Lorna, feeling her anger at the man next to her rise.

"Remember what I said Lorna," she said, "Now wash up and I'll see you at dinner."

Lorna nodded and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. When she was satisfied that her daughter was gone, she glared at her husband. She was angry, but she could keep it hidden for awhile, push it down, have a reasonable conversation.

"What have you been teaching her?" she asked.

"How to defend herself," Erik said.

"You're encouraging her," she said.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I am teaching her how to fight back so she isn't steamrolled when older kids decide to bully her," Erik said, "That's not a bad thing Susanna. She needs to know this."

"If you're so sure that you're doing the right thing then how come you didn't tell me about it?" Susanna demanded.

"Because I knew you'd react like this!" Erik said.

His voice had become irritated. Susanna got to her feet, brushing off her dress to give her a moment to think.

"Erik, if you knew I'd be upset about it, then you should have talked to me about it first," she said.

"It's not like I did anything wrong," he said, his voice still irritated, "Lorna can't afford to go around being weak."

A spark of anger flared brightly inside her.

"And I was teaching her to be weak?" she asked.

He gave her a level look before his voice became soothing.

"Of course not," Erik said, "You were teaching her to be kind and gentle, but unfortunately that's the kind of person mean children like to go after. I need to make sure that she lets them know that she isn't going to be an easy target."

"Erik, having her beat them up will make them remember her," Susanna said, "Most of the people who go after her are boys. They will remember a girl who beats them up, and that will make them angrier."

Erik pursed his lips, almost as though he was thinking. It was a habit that he shared with Lorna, although Lorna chewed her lip instead.

"And not doing anything will just make them come back," Erik said.

"They'll just use their words though," Susanna said, "Lorna doesn't care about anything they say about her."

He sighed.

"But she does care about what they say about you," Erik said.

Susanna turned away.

"I told her not to," she said.

"She cares anyway," Erik said, "Of course she would. She loves you."

He walked up and put his hand on her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"And you know that they do say those things," he said, "because their parents are close-minded, self righteous, disgusting creatures."

Erik's voice was so calm that Susanna did a double take. He continued looking at her square in the eye.

"I won't pretend that that's what I think of them," he said, "Not to you."

Susanna shook her head.

"You can't go through life being so angry," she said.

"I can't quite forgive them when they're not sorry either," Erik said.

She wanted to tell him that, yes, you could, but her mind went back to the problem at hand.

"Erik...I understand you're angry...but what happened with Lorna," she said, "you can't do that. Do you know what they do to children who fight in school?"

Erik rolled his eyes.

"They suspend them or give them a slap on the wrist-"

"They call child services!" Susanna snapped.

Erik stared at her, temporarily mute. Susanna hugged herself.

"That's what they told me they'd do when all this started. Her principal, her teacher," she said, "And I know things are different now, circumstances are different now..."

"Meaning that they're the type of bastards who will threaten a single mother but not someone who has the 'protection' of a husband," Erik said, his voice a hiss.

She nodded, feeling miserable. Erik's hand tightened on her shoulder.

"I would never let anyone take Lorna away," he said.

"And I wouldn't either," Susanna said, "I'd leave here before that happened. Run away, change my name...there were times when I'd thought about it."

He moved closer to her and hugged her. She sighed.

"But we need to be careful Erik," she said, "And...as parents...we can't tell her different things."

"We aren't," Erik said, his voice quiet, "I'm not telling her to start fights. I'm just telling her to make sure that she doesn't get hurt more than necessary when some fat, stupid boy decides to use her as his personal punching bag. Susanna, there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. Now I'll just have to tell her to be cautious. "

She looked down.

"I understand, but it only encourages them," she said.

There was a moment when there was silence, and then Erik tilted her chin up so that she was looking at him.

"How many fights did you get into when you were young?" he asked, "Before I met you?"

"None," Susanna said.

"And why was that?" he asked.

"I just...they got bored when I didn't give them any attention," Susanna said, her voice thick.

She thought of her daughter, fire in her eyes and pride in her stance. Worry gnawed deep inside her, just like it had every day she had been called to the principal's office, every day she saw a black eye gracing her daughter's face.

"Lorna's too prideful to let anything they say go," Susanna said, "She doesn't understand that people like that are small-minded children, children who feel like what they're doing makes them feel big when they're really nothing."

"I know what you're trying to say, but these aren't those children," Erik said, "They don't give up when they don't get a response. They use fists."

"Erik, they'll only hit her once if they want to start something," she said, "But if she fights back then they'll keep hitting her and hitting her and..."

She put a hand to her mouth and closed her eyes.

"The teachers never get there in time to keep her safe, and if they do they might decide to take her away," she said, "And we can't protect her from everything and..."

Erik sighed. He buried his hand in her hair and leaned down to her ear.

"I want to keep her safe too. More than anything. But if I teach her how to protect herself," he whispered, "then we won't need to. As I said, we'll just have to make sure that she knows when enough is enough and how to be cautious."

Susanna blinked back her tears and pulled her head back. She took a deep breath.

"If you'd told me that before you started," she said, "Then I would have agreed with you. If we make sure that she's taught not to do it unless it's necessary...then...just to be careful with everything..."

She trailed off. She'd done that too many times during this conversation.

"Do you agree with me now?" he asked.

"Yes," Susanna said.

The word felt heavy. She took another deep breath.

"But don't make these decisions without me Erik," she said, "We're both Lorna's parents Erik."

"I understand," he said.

He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"We're in this together," Erik said.


	14. Chapter 14

May 19, 1956

Lorna ran out of school, her hair flying freely behind her. It was the last day of school and her teacher had just given her her report card. All A's. Her parents were going to be proud. She could almost see their smiling faces, her mother proud of her academic achievements, her father nodding to her with a grin, knowing that she'd learned to beat them at their own game.

She ran past Mabel's older brother. He gave her a sour look, but didn't do anything else. The last time that he'd tried to hit her she'd seen it coming and sidestepped it. Lorna had hit him in the face to disorient him and then run away. He still had a bruise on his forehead.

The sidewalk ended and Lorna stopped running, catching her breath and looking at the intersection. Lorna looked at her watch. Her father would be getting out of work soon. She looked down at the sidewalk to the diner, and then at the sidewalk that led to his work. She grinned and headed towards her father's workplace. They could pick up her mother together. Lorna loved it when they did that.

She was sweating by the time she got to the construction site. There had been an awful lot of construction in the past few years. Some money had finally began trickling into the town, and that meant work for her father. There were so few construction companies in the area, and he worked for the preferred one. It kept him busy, and he told her that it was work that he was used to.

Lorna wiped her sweaty hands on her dress and stood on the sidewalk outside of the site. There was a chain link fence there, and the sign told her very clearly that she wasn't allowed inside. She'd waited outside on the sidewalk before though: her father always saw her immediately.

Once she was done with her hands she tried to wipe some of the sweat off her face. She wished that it wasn't so hot out: Lorna felt nasty and sticky. Maybe she had some time to clean up before her parents saw her. Her mother never liked it when she got herself too messy, and her father would laugh and shake his head, but he would agree with her mother.

A machine rumbled from the other side of the fence. She looked curiously at the forklift as it churned the ground, moving slowly from one side of the site to the other. She shifted her backpack, and looked at her watch. As soon as she was done she looked back at the forklift, wondering how many gears it had.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here."

Lorna looked next to her. Albert was standing there, wearing a suit and holding a briefcase. She wondered just how hot he was wearing that.

"Hi," she said.

She didn't know what else to say really. Lorna hadn't seen him too often in the past few years: she knew that he had stopped coming to the diner so often after her parents had gotten married. It hadn't meant much to her when she was six, but now that she was older she had a feeling that there might be more to that story.

Then again, she might just be letting her imagination run away. Her teacher said she did that too often. Then again, she wasn't sure how much she agreed. Her mother had always encouraged her to read and discussed things with Lorna, even from an early age, so it was just more evidence to Lorna that the teachers at the school were dumb.

He nodded at her and looked from her to the construction site. His eyes narrowed in thought.

"Your father works here, doesn't he?" Albert asked.

"Yes," Lorna said.

He nodded again, looking beyond the chain link fence. She shifted her feet and looked at the sign again. It wasn't as though she was doing anything wrong, but she had the feeling that she knew what he was thinking.

"I've never been beyond the fence," Lorna said.

"You come here often then?" Albert said.

Lorna pursed her lips. She didn't like his tone.

"Why do you wanna know?" she asked.

He chuckled.

"Now Lorna," he said, "I'm just curious. My firm is a major contributor to the town's refurbishment. I'm merely curious as to what the construction sites are like."

"Oh," Lorna said.

It made enough sense, even the bigger words. Her teacher had always told her that she was good at her vocabulary lessons and knew what words meant. It was one of the few things that they agreed on.

All the same, she still couldn't forget the tone. It made her feel uneasy, like when some of the kids at school would ask her questions that would later result in insults.

"So, do you?" he asked.

"Do what?" Lorna asked.

"Come here often."

Lorna shrugged.

"Not really," she lied.

The lie made her feel strange, but she couldn't find anything about the situation that didn't make her feel strange.

"I see," Albert said, "I'm surprised that your parents would let you get this close to dangerous machinery at all."

"I'm on this side of the fence though," Lorna said.

She was starting to get the feeling that, despite how nice he'd been to her when she was younger, Lorna didn't like Albert very much. The vague feeling of discomfort was growing every second that she talked to him, and she found herself looking for her father.

"It's still close, wouldn't you say?" he said.

"No," Lorna said.

She crossed her arms.

"I'm not dumb," she said.

"Of course not."

His voice was patronizing. Lorna decided that she really didn't like Albert now.

"At least I'm not wearing all that when it's this hot out," she said, "You're gonna drown in your own sweat."

Albert raised his eyebrows before laughing. It was a natural sound, and it made Lorna feel embarrassed about her feelings of dislike. Perhaps she had just been reading his tone wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Lorna."

She turned her head. Her father had joined them on the sidewalk, a satchel slung over his shoulder. Lorna saw that one of his hands was wrapped in bandages and, like her, he was sweating. He was dirtier too, and he looked irritated.

"I thought you were going to wait for your mother at the diner," he said.

She frowned.

"I thought we could go there together," Lorna said.

Her father nodded, his jaw tight. Lorna was pretty sure that she hadn't done anything wrong, so she wasn't sure why he was looking at her like that. However, a moment later, she followed his gaze to Albert.

"Mr. Norton," he said.

"Lensherr," Albert said.

The words were formal and tight. Lorna shifted her backpack and walked over to her father. He was still looking at Albert, and his eyes were becoming darker by the second. It was a little scary.

"You probably shouldn't let your children hang out around construction sites," Albert said.

Lorna's uncomfortable feeling grew in her stomach again. The tone was back. Her father put a hand on her shoulder.

"She doesn't come here often," he said, "And when she does she stays outside of the property."

"I'd hope so," Albert said.

He nodded to the two of them.

"Have a good day," he said, "Lensherr, Lorna."

He opened the gate and walked in. Lorna looked after him, but her father was already moving her along. They got a block away before he spoke.

"Did he...ask you any questions?" Erik asked.

"Um, a couple," Lorna said.

"What about?"

Her father's eyes were still dark. Lorna swallowed.

"Just if I came there often, that kind of thing," Lorna said, "I told him that I didn't, and that I always stayed outside the fence. I know I lied and I know that it's wrong-"

"Half-truths Lorna," her father said, "Your mother and I don't exactly see eye to eye when it comes to telling the truth, remember?"

His voice was almost amused, and she could see some of the darkness leaving his eyes.

"Right," Lorna said.

She wiped some more sweat off her forehead.

"It might be better if you didn't visit me there for a while," her father said.

"Why not?"

"Today's why not," her father said, his voice dry, "I don't like that he was asking those questions. Did you?"

"No..." Lorna said.

"Then that's why."

There were a few minutes of silence as Lorna thought.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

Lorna bit her lip.

"Was something wrong back there?" she asked, "I mean...Albert seemed kind of weird and you're not happy about it. I'm not really happy about it. It was just weird."

Her father's grip on her shoulder tightened. Lorna winced, but didn't say anything. In a moment she could see that her father's eyes had become dark again, and she wished that she hadn't asked anything.

"Lorna, you know that this world isn't always going to be sunshine and roses," her father said, "I know you do."

She nodded, wondering what her father was going to tell her. It was a little scary when he talked to her like this. Sometimes she wished that he would just stop talking about it all. She didn't want to know about just how bad the world could be. She had already had enough experience with that.

However, it was rude to interrupt. So she stayed silent and hoped that it wouldn't last too long.

"And sometimes there are people who want things that other people have," he said.

She frowned. She hadn't really expected him to be so specific.

"It's not enough that they have other things, or even that the things in question that they want will never be theirs," her father said, "People can be greedy, try to grasp what isn't theirs to take, what doesn't belong to them. Because they're jealous."

Lorna's frown deepened. She thought of the way that Albert had looked at her father and her. Her curiosity overrode the powerful urge to find a way to stop him talking about the subject, to just stop listening.

"How can he be jealous of us?" Lorna asked, "He's super rich. Well, super rich for here. But he has lots of stuff."

Her father laughed, but it wasn't particularly humorous. Her desire to have the conversation over with crashed over her again.

"As I said Lorna, some people want what they can't have."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Her father paused and she saws the lines on his face disappear. His eyes became normal, but there was still some darkness there.

"Nothing Lorna," he said, "Nothing."

She chewed her lip and looked over her shoulder. She couldn't see the construction site anymore, but just thinking about it made her want to keep moving.

"I won't go back there," she said, "I promise."

"Good," her father said, "And don't tell your mother about today?"

"Why not?" Lorna asked.

"Because it's not important," her father said, "No point in worrying her over nothing."

Lorna nodded.

"I promise," she said.

He looked a little relieved and loosened his grip on her shoulder.

"Now then," he said, "What's the first thing that you want to do now that it's summer break?"

Lorna smiled. This was better. She pushed the memory of what had happened at the construction zone as far out of her mind as she possibly could. School was over, and summer had begun. One year had ended, and another was beginning. It was going to be a good one, and she wasn't going to let what happened at the construction zone ruin that.


	15. Chapter 15

June 3, 1956

"It's fine Susanna," Erik said.

She made a small noise in the back of her throat and pushed the warm cloth to his shoulder. The gash there stung and he winced. His grip on the edge of the bed increased slightly, and he cursed himself for the weakness. A few years ago this wouldn't have bothered him at all.

His wife continued to clean the gash out, her lips tight and her eyes narrowed. He sighed and glanced at the clock. It was getting late, and he knew that Susanna was angry with him. He'd taken a few later shifts now that Lorna was home from school. Susanna was able to watch over her in the afternoon, and he took the morning. It had seemed like the perfect plan.

Then the idiot before him hadn't fastened the roofing shingles properly and Erik had come home sporting a deep cut on his shoulder. He knew that Albert was waiting for him to slip up somehow: he'd seen it in his eyes. So he'd kept quiet about it during the day, slapping a bandage on it and fixing the damage as quickly as he could. He'd thought that he could get away with it entirely, but it appeared that Susanna had waited up for him.

Due to their busy schedule she was usually asleep when he came home. She would always wake up for him and they would talk for a while, but he'd thought that he woudl have some time to cover his injury. However, it appeared that she had decided to ignore him for that particular night.

It was just his luck really.

"It wasn't bad," Erik said, "I only fell a few feet. Two minutes later I was able to get back to work."

"Somehow that makes it worse," Susanna said.

He felt something else sting his shoulder and he saw Susanna put down a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

"I could have done this myself you know," he said.

"But you wouldn't have," Susanna said.

He didn't respond. He wanted to tell her that he had a full and healthy appreciation for how important it was to properly clean his wounds. Erik had taken a gunshot wound that had once turned gangrenous. He'd managed to get to a hospital before the infection fully took hold. He'd understood he was lucky, but it had been incredibly painful and he had no wish to repeat the experience.

Erik didn't think it was necessary to tell her that though.

"Alright, all done," Susanna said.

She put her things down and sighed. Erik looked back at her and saw her put away the small kit, leaning down so she could slide it under the bed. She leaned back on the bed, her hands clasped tightly in front of her.

"It was an accident," Erik said.

"One you wouldn't have told me about," Susanna said.

He didn't answer. Susanna sighed again.

"Erik, I love you," she said, "When you get hurt, I want to know about it."

"It wasn't much," Erik said, leaning over and brushing the hair from her face, "Just a scratch really."

Her face hardened.

"I don't call that a scratch," she said.

Erik could feel his frustration mounting. Susanna was a wonderful woman, but she worried too much. He wanted to remind her that he had been perfectly capable of working through injuries, many serious, without her help or anyone else's for over six years.

Then again, the last thing he wanted to do was remind her of the years spent hunting Schmidt. She was the type of person who worried over others, even when they didn't need it. Susanna, for all of her frailty, was very protective and fierce in the defense of those she loved.

While Erik considered himself blessed to be one of those people, he didn't need her protection. She wouldn't be able to help him against those who could do him harm. She'd just get herself hurt in the process. Erik couldn't allow her to think anything otherwise: she would just end up getting hurt that way.

Those people weren't there that night though, and a small voice kept telling him that they weren't ever going to be there. He wasn't on the warpath anymore. He'd been living a simple life for years. If something was going to happen, then it would have already done so.

He shook the feeling off and reached for Susanna's face. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him.

"Next time this happens, I'll tell you," he said.

"I don't want there to be a next time," Susanna said.

"I know, but I can't control everything that happens at the construction sites," Erik said, "And I can't quit my job. Besides-"

His hand moved from her face to her hands. There were a few small burns on her hands from earlier in the week when a coffee pot had boiled over.

"-every job has its hazards," he said.

Before Susanna could say anything he brought her free hand up to his lips and kissed the burns.

"I don't like you getting hurt either," he said.

Susanna just sighed and cupped his face with her hand.

"Erik, it's not exactly the same," she said.

"The principle is similar," Erik said, "You can't protect me from everything, and I can't do the same for you."

The words felt like bile in his throat, and he knew that they sounded rueful from the way Susanna looked at him. He should be able to protect her from everything, but logically he knew he couldn't be there for ever second of the day. Despite everything he knew about her, she just seemed so fragile. She bruised easily, and her face didn't have a single harsh line on it.

He worried about Lorna as well, but at least Lorna seemed to be a little less naive than her mother. Susanna's optimistic outlook on the world was brilliant, filled with light and hope, but he knew that that could easily get her into bad situations. She'd had to raise their daughter alone for several years after all.

She laughed and kissed his cheek.

"I'm not helpless," she said.

Erik just looked at her, taking in her features. The slope of her jaw and neck were delicate. Erik was uncomfortably aware of just how easy those would be easy to snap. Physically he was well aware of her limitations. Her arms were strong from carrying trays, but it wasn't the type of strength that was necessary to fight. He still remembered bitterly the way that Albert looked at her from time to time. Beautiful, kind, and innocent. Not many people could resist that kind of draw. He knew he couldn't. It made her easy prey to the crueler aspects of the world.

Yet, there was truth in her words. She had proven her strength too many times to count. The closest thing he had felt to peace had been when he was with her, with the child she had given him. It was no mean feat to find a man on the edge of darkness, to hold his hand and stare it down, unafraid. She had a courage that was beautiful in its simplicity. It was the kind of thing that people should write songs about and praise, but was also made all the more perfect for its humble and unassuming nature.

Yes, he was aware and grateful for her strength.

"You've certainly given me a run for my money a few times," Erik said.

She laughed and leaned back. Erik moved a little closer to her, resting his hand on her stomach. Her warmth filtered through the soft cloth of her gown and he kissed the side of her head. Her breathing slowed and she put her hands over his.

"It's been an interesting few years," she said.

"It has," Erik agreed.

Susanna gripped his hands.

"I know that things are a little difficult," she said, "Just with everything. I just...I wanted to know..."

She looked down at his hand.

"Erik, I don't think I've been this happy in a long time," Susanna said, "I know how that sounds, but I haven't. I'm looking forward to the future now."

He smiled.

"I am too," he said.

The words were truthful. It was hard to believe that, a few years ago, he had almost left, never to return. He had almost lost out on a good life. While he doubted that really relaxing was an option, he was as close to it as he would ever be.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you with gray hair, to growing old with you," he murmured, "I'm looking forward to watching Lorna grow up, to have you by my side every step of the way."

Her grip on his hands tightened. He could feel her fingers worming their way between his, lacing with them.

"She's a good child," Susanna said.

"She's perfect," Erik said.

He looked ruefully at his wife.

"I just wish she had more friends," he said, "She says that the other children are babies, and they probably are-"

"Erik," Susanna laughed.

"-but I wish she would find someone she could talk to," Erik said, "Someone who's a little closer to her own age."

"Me too," Susanna said, "They just don't understand her."

He couldn't help but nod. While he had no real desire to share his family more than necessary, he didn't like that his little girl was alone. She needed friends, but he highly doubted that there were any children who were on the same level as her at the school. They were too far beneath her in understanding, in strength and will.

"Perhaps her siblings will understand her," Erik said.

The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. Susanna turned her head towards him, her expression quizzical.

"Erik?" she asked.

He coughed.

"It's getting late-"

One of her hands touched his face again.

"Erik," Susanna said.

Giving a frustrated sigh he looked back at Susanna. She didn't look angry, which was a good start.

"You want more children?" she asked, "You never said."

"Because it's not my place to ask for them," Erik said.

"What?"

He ran a hand through his hair. Susanna caught it before it could get too tangled though.

"Susanna, you already gave me one child," he said, "That's more than I could have asked for. But...ever since I married you, I knew it was a possibility. One that I favored."

Erik waved a hand in a vague gesture.

"I don't think that it's an unrealistic desire, maybe sometime in the future," he said, "Our financial situation is a bit more secure, of course it is, but I know the idea might be a new one for you. Besides, no matter what our situation is, it doesn't mean that I can go around asking for...well, I can imagine it was painful enough the first time."

"It was," Susanna murmured, "But it was worth it. I got Lorna."

She began rubbing circles on his hand. He bit the inside of his cheek.

"Susanna, I do want more children," he said, "But only if you want them."

A smile spread over her face.

"I do Erik," she said.

He smiled in return, kissing her gently on the lips once.

"I really like the idea," she murmured.

Erik smiled again before cocking his head and smirking.

"Is that an invitation?" he asked.

"Not exactly," Susanna said.

She guided his hands back to her stomach.

"More like an announcement," she said.

He stared at her, his mind going blank.

"Do you...do you mean-?"

Susanna gave him another one of her gentle smiles.

"I found out earlier today for sure," she said, "I wanted to tell you tonight before you went to sleep but...I'm pregnant."

A flicker of joy sparked in his heart. It was shocking how sharp and warm it was. It seemed to touch him to his core as it grew, a feeling that he hadn't experienced in its full intensity since he married Susanna, legally became Lorna's father.

Words failed him for a minute as he held his wife, kissing her forehead, her eyelids, anywhere on her face he could find.

"You've given me everything," he said, "Everything."


	16. Chapter 16

September 13, 1956

"How much longer?"

Lorna watched her mother smile as she rested a hand on her swollen stomach. Her mother looked both happy and proud. Her father wasn't back from work yet, but Ruth was making her mother's shifts flexible now that she was pregnant. Ruth was nice like that.

"Only a few more months," her mother said.

Lorna rolled her eyes.

"That's what you said last month," she said.

"I can't tell you the day Lorna," her mother laughed, "It doesn't work that way."

"It should," Lorna muttered.

She looked over at her mother again. Her mother had apparently kept a few of the uniforms she'd had from when she was pregnant with Lorna. She never threw anything out. It was allowing her to continue to wait on tables, although she knew she wasn't working as many shifts as she'd used to.

Lorna's parents had acted as though her mother's pregnancy was a wonderful thing. There had been talk of setting up a crib, of what clothes they would get for the new baby. They had both been smiling when they'd told her about it, so Lorna had smiled too and waited curiously to see if she was getting a brother or sister. She wouldn't know for another few months, but it was still something to think about.

However, she was starting to wonder if it was such a good thing after all. Sure, her mother still smiled when she talked about it. There were other things though. Her mother's skin seemed pasty and Lorna noticed dark circles underneath her eyes. Lorna wasn't sure, but she thought her mother was losing weight. It was an odd thought, given the way her stomach was getting bigger, but her arms looked thinner.

She was sick a lot too. Lorna had woken up several mornings to the sound of her mother throwing up down the hall. She'd walked past the bathroom once, worried. Lorna had seen her father kneeling by her mother, holding her hair back and murmuring things to her in another language.

Lorna hadn't spoken up then. It seemed wrong since her father was already tending to things. It didn't mean that she didn't think of the baby suspiciously. Was the baby making her mother sick? Was that supposed to happen, or was it something else?

Besides, now that her mother was getting bigger, Lorna was really starting to think about having someone else in the house. She hadn't thought too much of the idea of having a sibling, but now she had to. There was even the half-hidden hope that the baby would be like her. They might not judge her for not wanting to play games like the other kids, and they might not get into fights with her. They wouldn't whisper nasty things about her and her mother that they'd heard from their parents.

The idea had cheered her, right up until she'd thought that they might find her weird. Everyone else did, so why shouldn't the new baby? She could just imagine another kid at school staring at her with her own green eyes and giving her a dismissive sniff.

Lorna had stayed awake at night thinking about these things until it hurt. She wanted to stop, telling herself that these fears were stupid, but she couldn't. It was possible that the baby would be the kind of child that everyone wanted. The baby might be peaceful and kind like her mother, but still tough like her father.

They would love their new child. Of course they would. Would they love them more than her? Her father would be there for all of the child's life. He wouldn't have missed the first six years. And her mother loved everyone. Would they even love her at all anymore?

At least Lorna was able to know that the last fear was foolishness. Of course they would. The idea that they would love the new child more was dumb. While Lorna could see that this child wouldn't be as strange as she was, as difficult to manage, she knew that it wouldn't make her parents stop loving her. She wasn't as stupid as all that.

No, those were just strange fears bred by the fact that she was going to have a sibling. As young as Lorna was, she could recognize that. They were just worries that came from the fact that she wasn't the best daughter. She wasn't pretty and neat, and she wasn't as bold as her father. She was mix of both her parents, and it hadn't quite worked somehow.

The new child would find her weird: she knew it deep inside her. Before she'd tossed her head at the other children, not caring what they said. Her parents loved her: she didn't need any of them to like her. A new sibling was different. Lorna didn't need them to like her. Not really. She just really, really wanted them to.

She could feel a heaviness about her, and Lorna hated herself for her insecurity and fears. She hated herself for not being excited like her parents were, for not just being happy that she was going to have a sibling.

Her mother began coughing and Lorna looked over at her, worried. Her mother just smiled at her.

"It's alright," she said, "I'm just feeling a little nauseous. It was like this when I was pregnant with you."

"Really?" Lorna asked.

"Yes," her mother said.

She rubbed her stomach lovingly.

"But the end product is always worth it," her mother said.

Lorna felt the twinge of anxiety deep inside her again. Would the child be pretty? Would it be smarter than her, make fun of her too? Somehow the idea of her unborn sibling hating her like all the other kids at school was too much.

"Yeah," Lorna said, forcing her voice to be bright.

Her mother gave her an odd look. Lorna slid off the couch.

"I'm gonna go work on my homework," she said.

"Alright," her mother said, frowning.

Lorna walked towards her room, but went to the bathroom instead. She closed the door and stood on the stool. When she did that she was able to look straight into the mirror, her green eyes reflecting back at her.

"My parents love me," she said.

It was good to start out with things she knew for a fact. It made her feel confident.

"And they'll still love me," Lorna said.

Her words still held no uncertainty. Lorna stuck out her tongue at herself. She'd known that she was dumb for thinking that. It was just good to hear it. Lorna smiled brightly and began to think about what to say next.

The baby. She had to think about the baby, what the baby would feel, having her as its older sister. Her vision blurred a little, but she wasn't about to cry. Not about something as dumb as this. She could do this.

"And the new baby's going to love me," she said.

Her vision swam in front of her. Her words had come out weak and pitiful. She bit her lip.

"They're going to love me," she said.

At least, that was what she had tried to say. Her words continued to waver so that they were almost incomprehensible. Her throat was getting clogged and she could feel the tears threatening to choke her.

What was wrong with her? She was braver than this, smarter. Lorna knew that it wasn't her fault that the other kids at school didn't like her. They were narrow-minded and idiots. Her father said so. The new baby wouldn't be an idiot, would it?

"The new...the new baby is going to love me," Lorna said.

"Of course they are."

Lorna looked over. Her mother was standing in the doorway. Lorna hadn't even heard the door opened. She hurried to try and push away her tears.

"Mom...I...I was just..." she stammered.

Her mother didn't say anything. She just walked up to Lorna and wrapped her arms around her, shifting slightly because of her stomach. New tears welled up in Lorna's eyes and she held her mother back, feeling weaker than she'd ever felt.

"Lorna, I want to tell you something," her mother said.

She released her and knelt on the ground. It was a little difficult for her, Lorna could tell. She moved to follow her, but her mother shook her head.

"It's alright. I just want to make sure that you can see my face fully when I say this," Susanna said.

She rubbed the back of Lorna's hands with her thumbs.

"You are a remarkable child," her mother said, "You've been through so much and faced it bravely, even if we haven't wanted that for you."

Lorna looked down. She couldn't meet her mother's eyes.

"Mom, I'm not...other kids don't like me," she said, "And I don't care about them, I really don't. They're stupid-"

"That's not nice," her mother said, smiling slightly.

"But it's true," Lorna said stubbornly, "They're stupid and they're mean and they don't like me. And I don't think...I don't think that my sibling's gonna be stupid or mean but..."

She bit her lip.

"Mom, they can't all be wrong," she said, her voice a plea, "They aren't all mean, and I could like people if they just aren't mean, but they all don't like me. That's the one thing they all have in common."

Her mother's hand appeared beneath her chin, tilting her head up slightly. That way Lorna could see her own green eyes looking back at her.

"Mom, I know I should have friends right now," Lorna said, "I'm not...I know I shouldn't feel so different. I know I should feel like them, shouldn't give them a reason not to like me, should have met someone I can be friends with..."

The tears were starting up again.

"I hate crying," Lorna said.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," her mother said.

Lorna wondered if her father would say something different if he was there. She swallowed.

"Mom, I want them to like me," she said, "The new baby, I mean. But they won't-"

"They will," her mother said.

She sounded earnest. Lorna opened her mouth to protest, but her mother kept talking.

"Do you know why?" her mother asked.

She shook her head.

"Because I love you," her mother said, "I love everything about you: the way you bite your lip when you're thinking, how curious and kind you are, how brave, how tough, how strong."

"Even when you're mad at me?" Lorna asked.

Her mother laughed. It was a beautiful sound.

"Of course," she said, "Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't love you. I love that you're so independent, even if I wish you were more cautious. And I know your father feels the same."

Lorna felt a growing warmth in her heart, but she couldn't forget why she'd been crying in the first place.

"But that doesn't mean that the baby-" she began.

"Yes, it does," her mother said, "Because, like you, this baby is part me and part your father. And we both love you more than anything. And Lorna, do you want to know something else?"

Her mother didn't wait for her to answer. She just kissed her hands.

"Anyone would be proud to have an older sister like you," her mother said.

The tears were trickling down Lorna's cheeks, but they didn't feel so sad anymore. She jumped off the stool and hugged her mother around her neck. Her mother laughed and hugged her back, leaning in so she could whisper to her.

"You'll see," her mother said, "In a few months, you'll see."


	17. Chapter 17

November 10, 1956

_Cold filled his bones. The blindfold was ripped off his eyes again and Schmidt stood at the other side of the room, his face calm with a hint of amusement. Erik had learned early on that that was never a good sign. _

_From the other side of the room two pairs of frightened green eyes stared at him. Lorna was crying, and Susanna was holding her as close as possible. Her eyes were pleading, but she wasn't speaking. Silent, frightened, and so far away. _

_He tried to move, but something was holding him back. He strained, but he still couldn't move. Schmidt gave him a brief nod and the corners of his lips began to turn up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar, silver object. _

_In the other hand he held a gun. _

_"Now I'm going to count to three Erik," he said, "And you're going to move the coin. Or I'm going to shoot them both."_

_He held up the coin even further. Erik tried to move it, but something was wrong. _

_"One."_

_He couldn't move it. Why couldn't he? This was the first thing that he had learned, a skill branded into his memory by pain. The metal wasn't moving though. He couldn't even see the slightest twitch, even though he was concentrating. _

_"Two."_

_Susanna folded Lorna tightly into her arms. His daughter's quiet sobs filled the air. Susanna wasn't crying though. She was just looking at him with a silent resignation, all traces of fear long gone. It was almost more terrifying than Lorna's cries. _

_From somewhere in the distance, he heard the wail of a baby. Schmidt smiled. _

_"I love you," Susanna murmured. _

_"Three."_

"No!"

"Erik!"

His arm flailed out, and his hand hit the bed. he looked to the side and saw Susanna, her eyes wide. He pushed himself up and cupped her face.

"I...I'm sorry," he said, "Are you alright?"

She rested her hands on his chest.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked, turning her face back and forth.

"You didn't touch me Erik," she said, "It's okay."

He nodded, but he didn't take his hands away. Susanna didn't seem to be in any pain, and it was clear that he hadn't struck her in the throes of his nightmare. Erik was glad of it. He wasn't supposed to be hurting her, he was supposed to be protecting her and their unborn child, and the idea that he could have done so by accident made him angry. Erik should have more control.

Even if it didn't hurt her or the baby, there were other unpleasant things to think about as well. He knew what Ruth or anyone would think if his wife came into work with a bruise on her face. A split lip could be explained easily: she had just bitten down on her lip after jamming her thumb or hearing a loud noise. A bruise was another thing entirely.

He'd already brought her enough embarrassment and snide comments for a lifetime. His job at the local construction company, while it paid well, had brought him into better contact with the kinds of people she'd been dealing with. They all knew who he was, and they didn't let him think otherwise. Rumors travelled fast in their town, and every sneer that he saw made him want to hurt them.

So far he'd gotten away by creating situations where tools or screws went missing. He used his powers sparingly. Erik wasn't going to destroy his life by letting anyone know about his powers over some name-calling.

It wasn't really the name-calling that got under his skin though. Erik didn't give a damn what people thought of him for the most part, but he wouldn't have them thinking that he was the type of man to hit his pregnant wife. More than that, he didn't want people thinking that Susanna would marry a man like that.

They all assumed that she'd made a mistake with him. He wouldn't let them believe that they were right, let them shake their heads at her behind her back. One of his hands trailed down to rest on her stomach. The baby was still asleep, not kicking at the moment.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," Susanna said.

Her eyes met his, filled with questions. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He let his lips linger there. Her skin was warm, banishing any lingering chill of the dream. She was here, in his arms, alive and well. His child was growing safely inside her. Schmidt was nowhere to be found, and Lorna was asleep down the hall. There was nothing more he could ask for.

However, he did wish that he could erase the past few minutes.

"I'm still sorry," Erik said, "I shouldn't have woken you."

"Nightmare?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, "I didn't mean to hurt you though. I swear to God that I didn't mean to."

She smiled.

"Like I said, you didn't hurt me," she said.

Although she had already said so, relief still coursed through him.

"What was it about?" she asked.

His eyes widened.

"What?" he asked.

"Your nightmare," Susanna said, "What was it about?"

Erik breathed out, feeling a deep knot of reluctance inside him. It had been bad enough that he'd admitted that he had nightmares. He'd never spoken to her about his nightmares before they were married. Now wasn't the time, not if she knew what they were about.

He'd never wanted to discuss his experiences with her. Susanna had pulled information from him in the past. There was one night in particular that sparked his memory. She'd been in his arms, her thumb running absently over the numbers on his forearm. He'd watched her warily, knowing that she was going to ask, knowing that she'd been steeling her courage to do so.

"I'm sorry for your pain," she'd said.

Her fingers had left his forearm and her eyes had locked with his. Erik remembered his jumbled feelings as he'd looked into her face. He'd given her slivers of information there, enough to explain the scars that she'd felt on his chest, some of the scars she'd seen on his soul.

Erik hadn't wanted to share more than that and, at the time, Susanna had been satisfied. Why should she know this? He didn't even want to know this. It was better to protect her from his fears, keep her from pitying him. He didn't need her pity.

More than that, he needed to keep her from ever knowing what he was willing to do to prevent his nightmares from becoming real. Erik knew that Susanna was aware that there was darkness inside of him. She believed that he was a good man though, more light than dark. Erik was in no hurry to prove her wrong.

At the same time, he was carrying their second child together. He pulled her close to him, sighing. She tucked her head beneath his chin, laying a gentle kiss to his chest. He leaned back then, bringing her with him. Erik stroked her hair, staring upwards at the ceiling.

"Old fears mixed with new ones," he said at last.

She turned her eyes up to his.

"New ones?" she asked.

He absently reached out and buried his fingers in her hair.

"Before...when I was travelling," he said, "I didn't...I didn't think of you. I tried to put all of that behind me. But now that you're my wife, now that I know that I have a daughter...another child on the way..."

Erik paused, trying to figure out a way to tell her what was in his mind without frightening her. A half-truth would work.

"I've lost a family before."

Her hand slid from his chest to his face.

"So have I," she whispered, "Not like you...but I know what it's like to lose people."

Susanna titled her head up and kissed the underside of his chin.

"You're not going to lose any of us Erik," she said, "You're staying here with us."

She breathed out, her breath warming his neck. He closed his eyes at the sensation.

"You won't lose us."

He clasped her hand in his.

"I know," Erik said, "I won't let that happen."

"And it won't," Susanna said, "It's alright. We're not...we're not in that world anymore."

He tightened his grip on her wrist. Erik's mind went back to the convalescent home where loneliness and a sense of despair had pressed down on them. They would always be in that world, one that she didn't understand. Susanna hadn't seen the violence. She couldn't know what she was talking about.

However, another, more disturbing thought occurred to him. Just how much did she know about what he'd been doing? He knew she knew about his hunt for Schmidt. Did she know the other things that he'd done too?

She met his questioning gaze with a steady look. It chilled him.

"Erik, I know that you've been through a lot," she whispered, "I know that you won't be...that things are difficult. That they may always be difficult."

She pushed herself up. His hand followed her movement, keeping it on the side of her face. Her hair tickled his face.

"I know you've done some terrible things," she said, "I know."

He clutched the side of her face. How had she found out? He had no evidence of any of his kills on his person. Nothing that she could have discovered by accident, no smoking gun. He'd never been that stupid.

Now that she knew, she would leave. Erik would have to convince her not to. They needed to stay together. He needed her now, needed her smile, her support, her quiet, brave love. He opened his mouth, but Susanna pressed her finger to his lips.

"I've known since the moment I realized you left me behind," she said, "And when you came back, I knew that too."

His eyes widened. His sweet Susanna had married him knowing that he had done those things? Was willing to have another child with him?

"And I know that you think that what you did was the right thing," she said, "And that there isn't anything to feel sorry for. But, in time, I think you will."

"Why?" he asked.

She smiled and kissed the inside of his wrist where it touched her face.

"Because, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you're a good man," she said, "And you're away from all of that. You're here with us now."

Susanna laid down on his chest again.

"Just enjoy it," she said, "Enjoy this moment, enjoy the time that we have. I will never..."

She took a deep breath as she moved his hands to her stomach.

"I will never leave you," she said, "And we have a beautiful future together."

He rolled onto his side, still clutching her close. Somehow those words, coming from her lips, seemed even more solid than her wedding vows.

"And I won't leave you," he said.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around him. After a few minutes she fell asleep again, but Erik didn't. Her words had struck something deep inside him, and it wouldn't let him rest. Not yet.

He was happy, happier than he had been in years. Erik had everything that he could have wanted. A beautiful, normal life had been giftwrapped in love and given to him. He should be able to be normal, to begin letting go.

Instead he held onto what he had all the tighter. It was secure. Susanna wouldn't leave him, and he wouldn't leave her. Their daughter and future child cemented what they were to each other, a bond forged from pain and love. He should have been able to relax.

Erik doubted that he would be able to though. Despite having everything he wanted, he knew that there were, despite what Susanna had said, things that could change that. He knew that, because of that, he would never fully be able to let his guard down.


	18. Chapter 18

December 16, 1956

"Susanna, are you sure that you have that?" Ruth asked.

Susanna smiled and finished putting the last plate on the tray. Her arms were wobbling a bit, but the table was near to the kitchen. Despite her advanced stage of pregnancy, she knew that she could finish clearing away the last of the plates on the night shift.

So she nodded and picked up the tray. Ruth watched her with concern, but Susanna managed to carry it all back to the kitchen. Her friend had always tried to help her, and she'd once more proffered advice throughout Susanna's pregnancy.

Despite this Susanna had lost more weight than she'd expected. Erik had noticed and commented. Susanna never seemed to get enough sleep, and she thought that her skin was a different hue than normal. She'd asked the doctor about it, but he'd waved away her concerns. As such, she'd done the same with her husband's worries.

She began putting the plates in the sink. Ruth just shook her head, coming in behind her with her own tray.

"You don't have to work quite so long," Ruth murmured, putting the tray down on the counter, "I'm not a slave driver you know."

Susanna just laughed and rested her free hand on her stomach.

"I'm not some wilting flower either," she said, "I'm quite strong."

"I know that," Ruth said, gesturing to the plates by the sink.

She turned on the water as Susanna moved to the register. While Susanna had insisted on pulling her weight at the diner, Ruth had shifted her to more clerical duties. She had gone without complaint. Even though everyone seemed to think her delicate, especially Erik, she wasn't going to prove anything by getting herself exhausted to the point of collapse.

Despite what the doctor had told her, she was getting tired more often. More so than she had when she was pregnant with Lorna. Then again, necessity had been her driving force then. Maybe it was different now that she had some sort of stability in her life.

Susanna winced slightly as she moved. Ruth noticed.

"Baby kicking again?" she asked.

"Yes," Susanna said, "They're not kicking nearly as hard or often as Lorna did though."

"Girl was a spitfire, even before she was born," Ruth said, "Knew we'd never have to worry about her too much. She always seemed to be able to take care of herself."

"I worry about her just because of that," Susanna said, "She's just so...headstrong. Lorna never lets anyone get away with anything, never takes anything lying down. It's why she gets into so many fights."

Ruth just shrugged.

"She'll figure things out for herself," Ruth said.

"Maybe. It's certainly gotten easier now that Erik's here," Susanna said, "Sometimes I think that he understands Lorna more than I do. He's such a good father."

There was a pause. Susanna looked over her shoulder and saw Ruth looking at the wall, her lips in a thin line. She sighed.

"Ruth, I know that you don't like Erik," Susanna said.

"I never said that," Ruth said.

"But I know it," Susanna said, "I can see things. I'm not completely naïve."

Ruth didn't say anything.

"And I know how he comes off," Susanna continued, "And I know that...when you first met me, you felt sorry for me. Trust me, I was only a few steps from feeling sorry for myself too. But you gave me a job and a chance when there was nowhere else I can go. It's because of you that I was able to keep Lorna."

The words had been bottled up inside her for a long time, but they needed to be said. Ruth looked at her, and Susanna remembered how she'd looked over ten years ago. At first her face had been harsh as Susanna had started the interview as calmly as she knew how. The harsh lines had softened until Ruth had told her she was hired.

It had seemed like a miracle back then. Her employer's continued kindness had turned her into a friend. Her love for the small child that Susanna had given birth to and was forced to bring into the diner had made her Lorna's godmother.

"And I don't know what I did to deserve your kindness, or your continued advice," Susanna said.

"One day you're going to wake up and realize just what it is that makes people care about you," Ruth said.

Susanna just smiled and shrugged.

"Whatever it is you see, Erik sees it too. Just differently," Susanna said.

Once again Ruth fell silent.

"Listen, I know that you think that he probably isn't worth much because he left all those years ago," Susanna said, "But it's been four years. He married me. This is our second child. He's been the model of dependability."

The baby kicked again, almost as though they wanted to emphasize her words. It was uncomfortable, and more than just a little painful, and Susanna made a face. Still, she wasn't finished talking yet.

"He loves me," Susanna said, "And he loves Lorna. People are capable of making mistakes, but it's not so bad if they come back to correct them. Everyone deserves a second chance Ruth."

Her boss and friend looked at her, almost as though she was debating saying something. A sharp pain began in Susanna's stomach though, and she gripped the side of the counter. The baby wasn't kicking anymore.

"Ruth, I think-" Susanna winced.

Ruth rushed to her side.

"I'll get you into the car," she said, "I can telephone your husband from the hospital."

"It might be false labor," Susanna said, "I don't think-"

Another wave of pain washed through her and Susanna had to fight to keep herself from falling to the floor. Ruth grabbed her arm and lowered her gently to the floor. Susanna's head was hurting from the pain and she glanced around her.

Smears of blood streaked the tile. Susanna felt her world begin to spin.

"Ruth, it's not...this isn't like last time-"

"We're getting to the hospital, and we're getting there now," Ruth said.

Susanna didn't argue. It was all she could do to breathe.

* * *

Erik raced down the hall of the hospital. Lorna was in his arms, clutching his jacket. She was too big for this, but she hadn't been able to run fast enough. He had barely noticed her weight over the pounding of his own heart.

He'd barely gotten home when one of the dishwashers from the diner told him what happened. Susanna was giving birth, and it was going wrong. He had scooped up Lorna and gone, desperate to be by his wife's side, to help her if he could.

One of the doctor's stopped him. Erik could barely hear his questions, and he answered in short, clipped tones. Couldn't the man see that he didn't want to be slowed down? That he needed to be with Susanna?

The doctor gave him a pitying look and stepped aside. Erik moved to go in, but the doctor shook his head.

"They're going to prep her for surgery soon," he said, "She's chosen a cesarean."

Erik could feel panic thread through him. Why did she need a cesarean? He shook it off. No matter. He had to see her. Erik moved to go inside again.

"Your daughter should wait out here," the doctor said.

Erik glared at him, rage boiling in his veins. The doctor shrank back.

"Her mother is in there," Erik hissed.

"Sir, she's...she's very young," the doctor said.

"So?" Erik demanded.

"I'll take care of her."

He turned over his shoulder. Ruth was standing there, her eyes red. He could feel his heart sink and his eyes met Lorna's. Her green eyes were wide and terrified. Her small hands gripped his shirt tighter for a moment.

"I'll be fine," Lorna said, "Just...let me see mom soon."

Gritting his teeth he turned to the doctor. He cowered under his gaze.

"You will let her in soon," he commanded.

"Of course," the doctor managed, "If you think it's a good idea."

Erik gave a sharp nod and then opened the door. Immediately he understood why the doctor hadn't wanted to let Lorna in immediately. Susanna looked as though she had been through hell, as though something was still tormenting her.

Her face was sallow and coated in sweat. Her beautiful eyes had become dull with pain, and her hair hung in ragged strings around her face. Pain was etched in every curve of her face, and she looked so small and fragile.

She looked up when she saw him and something like a smile played at the corner of her lips. Erik moved to sit beside her and took her hand in his. It was sweaty and cold. He could feel her pulse racing against his flesh and he kissed her fingers.

"Erik..." she said.

"Shhhh..." he said, "It's going to be alright."

Susanna opened her mouth, her face contorted. She tilted her head back and her hand gripped his tightly. A moment later she was able to focus on him again.

"They say that I'm...that something's going wrong," she said.

"Yes," Erik said.

Admitting the problem cost him everything, and it was all he could do not to scream. He had done this to her. If he had been more careful than the child wouldn't be growing inside her, wouldn't be causing this damage.

She reached out with her other hand, her cold fingers absently tracing his jaw.

"They said that the baby was tangled inside of me," she said, "I didn't...they were all talking so fast."

"They'll do that," Erik said.

Susanna faltered on his face for a moment. She seemed so weak, and she hadn't been in labor for very long.

"They told me a cesarean would help," she said.

"I heard something about that," Erik said.

Her fingers continued tracing his face, almost absently.

"They that it's the best chance for the baby," she said.

"Of course."

Susanna's eyes became a little duller.

"They said I might not make it," she said.

Fear shot into his mind. He gripped her hand tighter.

"No," he said.

"It's going to be alright," Susanna said.

"You're not going to leave us," Erik said, "That's not an option."

His wife's face contorted again. He wrapped his hands around her face, cupping it. Her eyes were having difficulty focusing, but he could still see her determination there, the strength shining through.

Somewhere between hearing the news and seeing him she'd decided she was willing to die for their unborn child. He couldn't let that happen.

"No," he said.

"It's alright," Susanna said, "The decision's already been made."

The words were spoken with such stubbornness, such finality, that it was all he could do not to gather her in his arms, hold her and never let her go.

"You can't leave me," he begged, "I can't do this without you. Any of this-"

"Yes you can Erik," she whispered, "You're a strong man, a good man..."

He shook his head.

"I'm not a good man," he said, "Not without you."

"One day...I hope you'll understand that you are," Susanna said.

Her hand rested on his forearm. He looked at her again, desperate for her to understand. She just smiled weakly back at him, her eyes swimming. The doctor opened the door, looking nervously at Erik.

"They say that they should start soon," he said.

"Let Lorna in first," Erik demanded.

Lorna had to see her mother. He gripped his wife's hand tighter as he glared at the doctor. The doctor cowered and scurried out. A moment later Lorna burst in, her face worried. Her eyes widened at the site of her mother, who just smiled that same weak smile.

His daughter approached slowly, and Susanna put a hand on her head.

"It's going to be okay Lorna," she said.

Lorna just stared, her lips moving wordlessly. Erik wondered if she understood.

"Remember what I said?" her mother murmured, "The baby's going to love you with my love. And that's quite a lot."

Tears filled Lorna's eyes. Erik felt like screaming himself. His daughter understood. They could very well lose her that day, lose her to something that he had wanted so badly. Lorna swallowed and took her mother's hand.

"Like how I love you," Lorna managed.

The door opened, and the doctor came back in.

"You need to leave now," he said.

Erik snarled at him, and the doctor cowered. He didn't leave though.

"They need to act fast," he said.

Reluctantly, Erik tore himself away from his wife's side. He picked up Lorna, and they both looked back at Susanna. Her eyes were becoming less and less focused.

"I love you," Erik said.

"Me too," Lorna wept.

Susanna just smiled at them, but it came out as more of a twitch of the lips.

"It's...going to be alright," she said.

Erik gripped Lorna tighter, tempted to forget the doctor's orders and run straight back to her. The moment passed and the doctors came in, swarming around her and pushing them out. He turned and walked out of the room, sitting down on a nearby bench.

Lorna gripped the front of his shirt.

"Dad," she said.

"I know," Erik replied.

His daughter cried into his shirt, but Erik didn't shed a tear. It felt as though the lights in the room were flickering out, as though something bright and beautiful inside of his soul was slowly fading.


	19. Chapter 19

December 16, 1956

Dimly he thought that he should be saying something to her, but he didn't have it in him. He had never been good at telling convenient lies, and he couldn't even force a non-convincing one past his lips. Not with the pure anguish he could feel racing through his very blood, coupled with the anger over the situation.

He couldn't lose Susanna now. He'd only really had her for four years, six if he counted their years together as teenagers. However, back then he'd known he was going to leave her one day, a dark shadow in the back of his young mine.

Even so, they had been precious times. Erik thought of those years spent together as children, her attempts to keep him with her as his anger at the world grew. He remembered the winters when the snow caught in her hair, the first time he had let himself kiss her, leaving her without a note as the shame and guilt pressed down on him.

He'd forgotten those moments many times over the following years, but they had crashed down on him when he saw her again. Finding her again had been an act of providence. While he was never fully happy in his new life, he was happier than he had thought it was possible. He had someone who trusted him, believed that he was a good person despite everything. How could he go back to life without that?

Erik held Lorna tighter as his daughter's tears dwindled. Even after four years, it was a strange title. Their daughter, the daughter that she had raised by herself for so long. Was that going to be his fate now, a cruel joke played by an uncaring, harsh world?

Then there was the child. He found himself wondering if it was a boy or a girl. It didn't really matter. It would have been another beautiful, laughing presence in his world. He would have been able to be there from the beginning to the end with this child.

Erik loved Lorna more than anything, but he wished that he had been able to help raise her as a baby. The child didn't make up for those lost years, but it did make him happy to think that he wouldn't make the same mistake for two children. Now he might never get the chance.

He could only feel like he was being punished for something. It couldn't have been anything that Susanna had done. She hadn't done anything to deserve this besides love him, and that seemed like such a small sin for this to be the punishment. It wasn't fair, wasn't right, and it couldn't be happening.

The minutes continued to tick by, unrelenting, terrible minutes. He was still living in a fog, a haze with no clear escape. Somewhere, only a few feet away from him, his wife was fighting for the life of their unborn child. He could only hope that she had enough strength left to fight for her own life.

The cry of a newborn jolted him up. Lorna stiffened in his arms, and she looked around his shoulder. Her eyes were hopeful, her lips moving silently. Erik had no idea if she was praying or something else. All he could think about was what that small cry signified.

"The baby," Lorna said.

She turned to her father, her face joyous.

"That mean's mom's okay too, right?" she asked.

Erik didn't say anything. Lorna's lower lip began to tremble.

"Right?" she begged.

The door to the room opened and a nurse walked out. Erik turned around and Ruth materialized next to them. He wondered if she had just come out of nowhere, or she had been near them the whole time. He found that he didn't care.

"What's happening?" Erik demanded.

The nurse started, and he saw a flicker of fear in her eyes. Perhaps the doctor he'd shouted at had spread the word about him. Good.

"Congratulations," she said, stumbling over her words, "It's a healthy little girl."

Lorna's face lit up again. She thought that everything was going to be alright. For a moment his own heart lit up. He had another little girl. The child had been born safely, and nothing was wrong with their health.

He wanted to think that everything would be fine, but Erik knew better.

"A sister," she murmured.

Letting go of his shirt slightly, Lorna looked back at the doors.

"And my mom?"

The nurse hesitated. Erik growled. He was getting sick and tired of waiting on these people.

"Is she alright?" Erik snapped.

Once again, the nurse hesitated. She glanced at Lorna.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea-" she said.

"It's her mother in there," Erik snarled, "I think that she deserves to know."

The nurse took a step back, wringing her hands at her side. He knew that Ruth was staring at him, but once more, he didn't care.

"She's not doing so well," the nurse managed, "The doctors...they're working with her right now. They'll know in a few hours."

Erik gave her a hard look.

"That's all I know," the nurse said, her voice trembling.

Erik snorted and looked back down at Lorna. Her eyes were watery again, and she hugged him. Erik bowed his head and rested his chin on top of her head. When he looked back, the nurse had run off. It wasn't as though she had been particularly useful.

He held his daughter closer for a minute, his mind whirring away. They weren't going to let him see Susanna. He knew that they wouldn't. He could barge into the room, it was always an option, and demand to see her. It wouldn't do anything besides possibly hurt his wife more though. She needed the doctors' undivided attention.

There was someone that he could see though. He stared straight ahead for a minute before he fixed his gaze on the door. He only had to wait a few minutes before he saw two orderlies wheel out a small bassinet. A small cooing noise was coming from it, its occupant no doubt pleading for her mother.

"Let me see her," Erik said.

The two orderlies stared at him. He got up, taking Lorna with him. She looked over her shoulder at the small bassinet. The child inside was tiny and pink, her face scrunched up from crying. She was wrinkled and weak-looking.

An irrational stab of anger blossomed inside of him. His wife could die because of this child. Erik's anger dwindled down as soon as it had flared though. How was she supposed to have fixed that, or even known that it was happening? No, if it was anyone's fault, it was his.

She cooed again, and Lorna looked down at her. She loosened her grip on his shirt, and he lowered her to the floor. Lorna grasped the edge of the bassinet.

"Hi," she said, her voice thin and scared, "I'm your sister."

The little girl didn't respond. Erik felt his throat clog. So much could be lost that day, and they could celebrate her birthday on the day that her mother died. The child would never know the bright, beautiful creature that her mother had been. She would never know what her father had been like when he had begun to feel the beauty of life again.

He didn't know how he was supposed to keep going. How could he take care of Lorna and his new daughter by himself? he had no idea what he was supposed to do, what would heal or hurt her. He'd end up doing something foolish and hurting her somehow. He didn't want this little girl, this reminder of his failure to protect his wife. Then her eyes blinked open.

Erik had expected to see Susanna's green eyes on their newest daughter. Lorna had, after all, inherited them. Instead he saw his chocolate brown eyes. There was a depth and a question in there, a quiet query as to who these new people were.

She already had Lorna's answer. She just needed his.

"I'm your father," he murmured.

One of his hands reached out and touched her forehead. An orderly cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, but we need to put her with the rest of the babies," he said, "You'll be able to see her soon."

Erik nodded and put his hand on Lorna's shoulder. He was reluctant to watch her go, but she probably needed medical attention. He could see that Lorna understood. It was almost as though he never needed to say anything to his daughter: she always understood.

She nodded as well and, together, they watched the two of them wheel off the new member of the Lensherr family. Erik stared after her, his heart swelling. Part of him still knew that he couldn't raise her without Susanna. The other part knew that he would do it anyway, because she was his, because she would have a piece of her mother living inside her.

He sat down. Lorna clambered up and let him put his arm around her. Ruth looked after the child as well, before looking over her shoulder at Erik.

"Susanna told me you were naming the child Anya if it was a girl," she said.

Erik jerked his head. Ruth swallowed.

"It's a good name," she said.

He nodded, although he had no idea why she was talking. Maybe it was her way of trying to comprehend what was happening. He didn't know. She sat down afterwards and remained quiet as the minutes continued to tick by.

The doors opened to the room. He looked up again and saw the first doctor from earlier. He flinched slightly, but stood up straighter. Erik could hear his own heartbeat, could feel the world slow and his very being contract.

"How is she?" Erik asked.

The doctor smiled.

"Very weak, but she'll pull through," he said, "You can see her now."

Lorna let out a small cry of joy in his arms. Erik felt something in him lift, as though something dark that had once grown inside him had been banished.

"Your wife is stronger than she looks," the doctor said.

"She keeps telling me that," Erik said.

He got to his feet. Lorna was practically jumping up and down as the doctor pushed open the door. Erik walked inside, Lorna's hand clasped tightly in his own. There were a few doctors still in the room, but they moved quickly.

Susanna looked groggy. Her face was still pulled and worn. There were a few IV's in her, and her eyes were still unfocused. Everything about her spoke of exhaustion and pain, even her skin seemed stretched too tight.

But she was alive. As such, he had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life.

"Mom!" Lorna said.

Susanna turned her head towards them. Lorna clasped her mother's hand and held it close, her tired eyes closing slightly. Susanna smiled at her daughter, and then her eyes met Erik's. A brief flash of worry burst across her face.

"The baby-"

"Is fine," Erik said, "She's a trooper. Like her mother."

He reached out and touched her face. It was cool to the touch.

"Don't scare me like that again," he murmured.

Susanna just laughed.

"Don't be...like that," she said, "I told you it would be alright."

Erik only smiled at that. His heart was beating loudly, but it beat with something else. He had been given a miracle. Only a few hours ago he had fully expected to lose both mother and child. Now he had them both.

Lorna had looked up from her mother's hand and Susanna's other hand brushed hair out of her face. His precious family was growing, and he'd almost lost two members. He'd been helpless. Not even the joy of the moment could make him forget that.

However, that just meant that he would have to protect them better. No matter what happened, he would never let anything threaten them again.


	20. Chapter 20

May 7, 1958

Lorna loved the way that her baby sister's nose crinkled. Anya was just starting to walk, and her nose crinkled every time she started to lose her balance or she became confused. She wasn't going to fall though. Lorna was holding her hands, and she wasn't going to let anything happen to her sister.

The sidewalk in front of their house wasn't the perfect place to practice walking with her sister, but she knew that Anya needed to get out of the house every now and then. Her mother and father were working at the moment, and she'd gotten old enough for her mother to let her take care of Anya by herself.

It was never for very long: just three hour stretches. Her mother usually got off at six, and she got to the diner at three. It meant that she got to spend some time with her sister before her parents got home. It was special, just the two of them.

It still made her feel important. School was becoming increasingly irritating, so it was nice to have something fun to come home too. Her baby sister always clapped her hands together whenever she saw her coming. It was a new sensation, having someone who wasn't her parents or Ruth getting excited to see her.

Anya looked up at Lorna, her nose still crinkled.

"Tired," she said.

"You didn't go very far," Lorna said.

Anya's nose crinkled even more and her frown deepened.

"Tired," she said.

"Just a little further," Lorna said.

Anya's lower lip stuck out, but she didn't argue. She took a few toddling steps forwards. She nearly tripped at the end of them, but Lorna's grip on her hands was strong.

"Okay," Lorna said, "We can stop for tonight."

Anya grinned and began giving Lorna puppy dog eyes.

"What?" Lorna asked.

There was a pause, Anya still looking at her with her big eyes.

"You wanna be picked up?" Lorna asked at last.

At the words "picked up," Anya smiled.

"Yes Orna, yes," Anya said.

Lorna laughed and hoisted her sister into her arms. Anya giggled, her wispy brown hair touching Lorna's cheek. Her sister wrapped her chubby arms around Lorna's neck as they walked back to the house.

"You're getting heavy," Lorna said.

"Orna," Anya sang.

Lorna grinned and unlocked the door. She locked it behind her and she sat her sister down on the rug of the carpet. There were a few blocks there and Anya reached for them, banging them on the floor a few times in curiosity. She was in the stage where she loved banging things on the floor a lot.

Her mother had said that they had been Lorna's when she was younger. Anya was wearing a lot of her hand-me-downs, so Lorna didn't doubt that her mother was telling the truth. There were a few new things, but Anya was smaller than Lorna had been at that age. At least, that was what her mother had told her.

Anya looked a lot better in them than Lorna had. Her sister was the kind of baby that looked good in little frilly dresses. She wasn't very active: but she was sweet and cute. She might have had their father's eyes, but she reminded Lorna a lot of their mother. It wasn't something she minded.

Lorna started setting up her things. She needed to get some homework done. It was hard sometimes, between everything that was going on at the house and school, to make everything work. Sometimes she wasn't just alright with not having friends: she was glad. They would have just gotten in the way.

That was what she kept telling herself anyway. At least she had Anya now.

"Orna!"

Lorna frowned and Anya flopped back onto the carpet.

"Tired Orna," she said.

"Okay, okay," Lorna said, "I'll put you to bed."

Anya made a little mewling noise. Lorna picked her up again.

"You're getting fat," Lorna said.

"Fat," Anya repeated.

"Yeah," Lorna said, shifting her sister's weight, "Fat. Now let's get you to bed."

She opened the door to their room with her foot. There weren't any other rooms in the house, so when Anya got a little bigger Lorna had offered to share her room with her sister. Now there was a little bed, not too far away from where Lorna slept.

She laid her sister down on the bed and tucked her in.

"Now be quiet in here for a few minutes," Lorna said.

"Orna," Anya yawned.

She curled up, the blanket pooling around her. Lorna just smiled and kissed her forehead.

"That's right," Lorna said.

She walked away from the room and sat down at the table. Math was getting a little harder, and she still had ten problems left to do. Lorna wished that she never had to learn anything other than science and English, but for some reason you needed math to do science.

She had hardly gotten through her first math problem when Anya started crying. Lorna made a face and tossed her pencil onto the table. She was never going to get her homework done.

"Coming!" Lorna said.

She stormed back into the room. Anya was kneeling in her crib, wailing. Lorna walked up and picked her sister up.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Ugly face!" Anya cried.

Lorna looked around the room. There wasn't anything there that could have scared Anya. She looked at the window, wondering if someone might have walked by. No one was there.

"There's nothing there Anya," Lorna said.

Anya shook her head.

"Ugly face!" she repeated.

"You were dreaming," Lorna said.

Anya just kept crying. Lorna sighed and carried her into the living room. Anya's wails dissolved into quiet sobs. She stroked her sister's hair once before setting her down on the couch. She went back to the table.

"Orna!" Anya cried.

"I'm coming back," Lorna said.

She grabbed her book and sat down on the couch. Lorna settled the book onto her lap and Anya pushed herself so that she was right next to Lorna. Lorna put her hand over her sister's shoulders.

"Nothing here's gonna hurt you," Lorna said, "Got it?"

Anya nodded, her eyes wide.

"Dad taught me how to beat the daylights out of people who hurt people we care about," Lorna said, "If anything ever scares you, tell me. I'll beat them up. Then I'll call Dad, and he'll beat them up again."

She tickled Anya, and she giggled.

"Got it?" Lorna asked, "Anything scares you, it gets a knuckle sandwich."

Lorna held up a fist to demonstrate. Anya nodded again, although Lorna wasn't one hundred percent sure she understood. Still, there was going to be time to make sure she understood when she got older.

"Good girl," Lorna said.

She looked back at her homework and got to work on some of the problems. Anya began drifting off next to her, and by the time Lorna had finished three problems, her sister was fast asleep. Good. She hadn't taken her nap yet, and Lorna knew that her sister needed her rest.

She had just finished with the third problem when she heard a small noise outside the apartment building. Lorna paused and frowned. It seemed like footsteps, and she shrugged it off. Someone was taking a shortcut through the back. It happened enough in the neighborhood. She'd done it enough times herself.

Lorna finished another problem when she heard the noise continue. Lorna put her pencil down and looked towards the back window. She caught a glimpse of a figure, but she couldn't make out just who it was.

Whoever it was though, she knew that the shortcut they were using should have ended by then. They should have moved on by this point, but it sounded like they were still exactly where they had been a moment ago. The uncomfortable thought that they were just circling the apartment building manifested in her head, as well as the realization that Anya might not have been dreaming after all.

Her breathing slowed and her heart rate increased. Part of her wanted to pick up Anya and hide under the bed. However, it wasn't what her father had taught her. He'd always said that she had to protect the people she loved. It was why she had told Anya that she would hurt anyone who scared her. This person had scared her.

Making deliberate movements, Lorna lifted Anya off her lap and onto the couch. Her sister remained asleep, her mouth open. Lorna picked up her text book. It was heavy enough, and she held it in front of her as she snuck towards the back door. There were scuffling noises near it.

She knew that the door to the back was locked, and she wasn't going to do anything as stupid as unlock it. She knew that, despite everything, she was only twelve, even if she was going on thirteen. A twelve-year-old would have a hard time taking an adult in a fight.

It was one of the reasons that she had the book. She didn't want to come in contact with whoever this was, but she wanted to have something with her in case she did. Her breath hitched and she snuck further towards the door.

The scuffling noises got louder. She moved quietly towards the door, as close as she could. There was a window next to the door, but it was taller than she was. There was a small table next to it that she could climb on. Lorna found herself putting her book down and boosting herself up on it. She needed to see what was going on.

Just as she got ready to go to the window, she saw the door begin to give a little. Lorna felt her blood run cold. Someone was picking the lock. Her hand shot out and she put the chain on the door. It would give her a few minutes.

The door was still moving though. She jumped off the table and looked around the room for something heavy to put against the door. She looked over at the table. It was made of cheap, heavy wood, with metal legs. It would work.

She ran to it and began pushing it towards the door. Lorna knew that she was strong for her age, but she wasn't sure if she had the strength to push it in front of the door. Lorna had to try though. She had to do something.

Lorna got behind it and began shoving it across the floor. She could hear scraping sounds, and her arms ached. Lorna felt sweat trickle down her brow as the chain on the door rattled. It was almost open and, soon, whoever was out there would be able to see into the room.

Panic began to well inside of her. She thought of Anya in the main room, asleep. She had to keep her sister safe. It was what her father had told her to do. She continued to push and, to her surprise, the table slid in front of her.

The door started to open a crack as the table slammed onto the other side. Combined with the chain, the door wasn't able to open more than an inch. Lorna thought someone swore and there was the sound of footprints scurrying away.

Lorna ran to the living room. The door there was locked with three locks. She slotted the chain into place and began tugging an armchair in front of the door. Panting and scared, Lorna took a step back. The footsteps were still outside the house.

Although her lungs were burning, Lorna ran back to the kitchen. She bypassed her text book and looked around the kitchen for something she could use. Her eyes briefly rested on the frying pan. That might do some damage.

It wouldn't do enough though. Not if she had to protect her sister. Lorna pulled one of the drawers open and pulled out the knife that her mother used to cut bread. It was long and serrated. It might work.

Lorna ran back to the living room. The door was banging slightly against the arm chair. Lorna waited there, her breath catching in her throat as she stood with the knife. She saw Anya begin to stir on the couch, and Lorna gripped the knife tighter.

The footsteps began again, but this time it seemed like they were getting further away. She waited, swallowing nervously. There were other footsteps now, heavier, slower ones. There was a scrabbling at the door, and a grunt of surprise when it hit the arm chair.

"Lorna, Anya?"

Her father. Lorna dropped the bread knife and ran to the door. She pushed away the arm chair and undid the chain. Her father looked at her in surprise.

"Lorna, what's going on?" he asked.

Lorna didn't say anything. She just flung herself into her father's arms.


	21. Chapter 21

January 28, 1959

"Mama, tired," Anya yawned.

Susanna nodded and shifted her daughter in her arms. Lorna walked by them, her hands clutched around the straps of her backpack. Her oldest daughter was looking around nonchalantly, kicking up the snow with her boots.

Ever since Erik had come home to find that Lorna had pushed furniture up in front of the doors they had decided not to leave them home alone anymore. Lorna was certainly old and trustworthy enough, but someone had nearly broken in. She didn't care if they robbed them. Not as long as her daughters were safe, and she wasn't going to let anyone hurt her children.

There hadn't been any repeated incidents, but one was more than enough. Anya, like Lorna, was now growing up in the back of the diner. Lorna came over after school to help keep an eye on her. It wasn't perfect, but it did help.

As they approached the door Susanna saw that the flag on their mailbox was up. She passed Anya off to Lorna, who took her sister without a word. Anya immediately cuddled up in her sister's arms. She was almost too big for Lorna to hold, but Lorna always made the perfect effort.

It always did Susanna a world of good to see just how much the two sisters loved each other. Lorna's fears had proved groundless. Susanna knew that Anya was still very young, but Susanna was confident that the two sisters would continue to be close.

Lorna walked up to the door and began to unlock it. Susanna picked up the mail and they went into the house. She locked the door behind her and began to look through the mail. Her daughters sat down on the couch and Lorna began to help Anya take off her shoes.

Most of the letters were mostly just bills, but there was an unfamiliar envelope. It was thick and official looking, and Susanna frowned. She looked it over, wondering why she was getting mail from the government.

She opened it and began to read. Her heart stopped and, for a moment, Susanna couldn't breathe. She couldn't think, and her knees began to shake. Her vision was beginning to blur, and an unbidden scream was growing in her throat.

"Mom?" Lorna asked.

Susanna swallowed her scream and focused on her daughter.

"Get Anya's shoes back on," Susanna said, "And get your coat on."

"Huh?" Lorna asked.

"Listen, we have to go back out again," Susanna said, "So I need you to get your sister's shoes on and you to get your coat on."

Lorna nodded and quickly put her sister's shoes back on.

"Mama, don't wanna go," Anya said.

Susanna swooped over to the couch and kissed her daughter's forehead. Tears were swelling behind her eyes, but she fought them.

"Honey, I need you to do a favor for me," she said, "Please?"

Anya mewled and put out her hands to be held. She picked up her daughter and looked over at Lorna. Her oldest daughter was ready, and Susanna ushered her out. After she locked the door she began to walk down the sidewalk. Susanna was going fast, and it felt like she was running.

"Mom, what's going on?" Lorna asked, "You're scaring me."

Susanna looked at her. She was thirteen, and more mature than any child her age should have to be. Susanna couldn't tell her this though. She could barely believe what was happening herself. Telling it to Lorna would make it too real.

"It's alright Lorna," she said.

Her daughter didn't ask her any more questions on the way to the office. Susanna walked to the front desk and gave her name. The secretary took down her name and Susanna sat down on the chair. Her heart was pounding as she looked around the room.

A horrible feeling was starting in the pit of her stomach. Susanna felt as though the clock had been wound back and she was a teenager, alone and holding a baby. The look in people's eyes had frightened her, as had the comments they'd made. Her daughter was all she'd had.

The feelings forced to overwhelm her. She took Lorna's hand. Susanna squeezed her daughter's hand tightly, wanting to remind herself that both of her daughters were still there. She wasn't a teenager anymore.

Her daughter squeezed back. Susanna looked into Lorna's eyes. She was scared, although she was trying to fight it. A sense of serenity stole over Susanna, as well as strength. Anya was cuddled in her arms and Lorna was sitting right next to her. That was what was important.

"Mrs. Lensherr?"

Susanna got up, still holding her children with her. The secretary shook her head.

"You're going to have to leave them in here," she said.

Susanna looked back at her daughters before looking at the secretary.

"It's alright," the secretary said, giving her a gentle and understanding smile, "I'll look after them for a few minutes. You can get them when you come out."

She gave her a grateful look before kissing each of her daughters on the forehead. She set Anya down and walked into the office. The public service officer was working on paperwork, and only glanced up briefly as she came in.

"Yes Mrs. Lensherr?" he asked.

Susanna put the letter down on the desk.

"What is this?" Susanna asked.

He barely glanced at it.

"It's a subpoena," he said.

"I understand that," Susanna said, "It says that you are considering taking my children away from me and my husband."

The officer put his pen on his desk and gave her a frank look.

"Yes, that is what we do."

Susanna clasped her hands in front of her.

"Why?" she asked.

"I suppose you'll find out when you come to the trial," the officer said.

He continued to look away from her, and Susanna had the feeling that he was dismissing her. She jutted her chin out and put her lips into a thin line.

"As a mother, I'd like to know the charges," she said.

The officer still didn't look up.

"I've heard that your eldest daughter is creating a stir at her school. This is a continuing trend," the officer said, "The children are left at home for long periods of time, though the youngest is barely more than a baby. They have been seen several times around dangerous construction sites as well."

"Bullies have attacked my daughter and she's defended herself," Susanna said, "Lorna and Anya have only ever been left at home for three hours. Once it was four, but that was a solitary event. Lorna went to meet her father at his workplace a few times. She doesn't do it anymore, and-"

"Then you should have nothing to worry about," the officer said.

"If I had nothing to worry about, then people wouldn't be spreading these lies," Susanna said.

He almost looked up to her, but he stopped.

"You're very young Mrs. Lensherr," he said, "Who knows? It might be good to be away from your children for a while."

"What?" Susanna said.

Anger rose within her.

"Are you saying that I-?" she began.

"Mrs. Lensherr, we're closing soon," the officer said, "We are closing soon and I'm very busy. I would ask that you leave now. I'll see you on the day of the hearing, and we can discuss things further then."

Susanna took a deep breath.

"Sir, for a long time all I had was my eldest daughter," she said, her voice steady, "She was my life. She's still my life. Her and her sister. They mean everything to me, more than my life. I can't lose them."

For a minute, she thought she saw the officer waver. Then he stared at his forms.

"Have a good night Mrs. Lensherr," he said.

Susanna continued to stare at him, willing this not to happen.

"I can have security remove you," he said.

Feeling numb, she turned and walked away from the office. Shame and fear built up inside her. This couldn't happen. Not now, not when things were so perfect. Not when, despite a few things, life had been going so well.

She looked at the lobby. Her daughters were sitting quietly next to each other. Susanna stopped by the receptionist's desk, and she felt like she wanted to cry.

"Mrs. Lensherr?"

She turned her head. The receptionist was looking timidly at her, and her voice was low.

"You look like you have a nice family," she murmured.

The tears in Susanna's eyes grew. She had to tilt her head to keep them back.

"Thank you," she managed.

"Someone came in here earlier," the receptionist said, her voice still quiet, "And he gave the officer a thick manila envelope. It looked heavy. Really heavy."

Susanna's heart sank. She suddenly realized what it was that the receptionist was trying to say.

"There's no hope they'll let me keep them," she said.

The receptionist didn't say anything. Susanna steeled herself and straightened her back.

"Thank you," she said.

Without looking back Susanna walked over to her daughters. She picked up Anya and took Lorna by the hand again. Although her daughter was getting older, she still had yet to protest taking her mother's hand. It helped her focus.

Erik had arrived home by the time they returned.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"I'll tell you in a minute," Susanna said.

She passed Anya over to Lorna. Anya had fallen asleep long ago. She always got so sleepy later in the night. Lorna took her without question and walked into their room. Once the door was closed Susanna handed Erik the letter.

"They're going to take away Lorna and Anya," she said.

Erik's face drained of color. He began reading the letter, and his face hardened. His eyes became pitch black.

"I'm going to go see the public service officer," he said.

"I was just there," Susanna said, "The receptionist said...it looks like he took a bribe to do this Erik."

"He did what?" Erik demanded.

His voice was harsh and disgusted. Susanna barely noticed.

"Who was it from?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," Susanna said, "They're going to take away our children Erik. Our little girls."

She put her hands in front of her mouth.

"That's why we need to leave," she said, "Tonight."

She closed her eyes.

"I know you think I'm frail, weak," Susanna said, "But they're a part of my soul Erik. I'm not just going to stand idly by while-"

Her husband's arms encircled her and he crushed her to him.

"You're not weak," he murmured, "Just because I've worried about your health, about your safety, doesn't mean I think you are. You're the strongest woman I have ever known. And I would die a thousand times before I let anyone take our children."

Susanna began crying then, letting out the tears that she had struggled to keep in. Erik continued to hold her, his own face buried in her neck. She clutched him tighter, the two of them keeping each other standing.

"We can leave tonight," Susanna whispered at last.

"Yes," Erik said, "But if we wait until tomorrow, I can have my last paycheck. It will get us further."

She bit her lip.

"I want to leave now Erik," she said, "I want to get away from the people who would take them away."

"Just one more day," Erik murmured, "We'll have a little more time to get things together. Then we can leave."

She dug her fingernails into his back. Everything he was saying made sense. Who knew when they were going to have work again? They would need everything they could get to give them a hope of survival.

"Just one more day," Susanna mumbled.

"Just one more day," Erik agreed, "That's all it will take."


	22. Chapter 22

January 29, 1959

Erik's mind had been boiling ever since Susanna had first told him that people were plotting to take away his daughters. At first there had just been blinding rage, rage that someone would dare try to take what was his, rage at the fact that a man had been bribed to do so, but it had cooled and hardened into something much more subtle.

It was the kind of rage that he had carried with him for most of his life. He was sharpening it though. It was keeping him calm as he held his wife, his mind thinking back over everything he knew about the area. He knew what was going on, even though his wife didn't.

There were very few people that he had met who hated him enough to bribe someone to take away his children. It wasn't an act that a normal, rational mind would come up with. It was, however, a plan that someone would come up with who wanted to cut him to the core.

Susanna had come up with a plan to leave. It was a good plan. If they managed to get fairly far away then they would be untouchable. Erik highly doubted that their reach would be able to follow them there.

However, it was the dead of winter. There would be no safe place where they could hole up, at least no planned one. There would probably be several motels that they could stay in, but work wouldn't be as plentiful and their funds would probably run out before spring came. Even if they got a car, which would be a necessity, they would quickly run out of gas and food

Erik had lived that life before. It was difficult, but not impossible. He'd holed himself up in those trashy rooms for several weeks beforehand, wrapped himself in extra coats. There had been times when he'd been in a car too. He could do it again.

Susanna could even do it again. She was physically rather frail, and she had never completely recovered after Anya's difficult birth. He could take care of her though. He could make sacrifices to make sure that she stayed healthy. It was doable with two adults.

Two small children though? It was almost impossible. Lorna was strong, but she was thirteen and growing like a weed. She needed good, strong food, and she would be hungry more of the time. And Anya? Anya was only three. She was small and delicate like her mother. He couldn't imagine the effect that that sort of life would have on her.

It was possible that they could find a way. However, Erik was not going to risk his daughters' health. Not when there was a better way. So he agreed with Susanna and made quiet plans. He even helped her pack a few things and come up with a surreptitious way to leave the house.

They went to sleep, or at least Susanna did. From experience he knew that she was a heavy sleeper. When he was satisfied that she was fast asleep he untangled himself from her arms and quietly got dressed. He slipped his wallet, as well as a few screws from the apartment's toolbox, and left the house.

Erik pulled up his hood and walked down the street. It was so late that it was nearly the next morning. Still, he wanted to take some precautions. He walked down the road to the construction office and took a quick look around.

There were several people looking around on the landing. He narrowed his eyes and then walked around the back. There was a light on in the window, as he knew there would be. The bastard worked late nights.

He put on a pair of gloves and climbed the railings until he got to the right floor. The window was shut and locked, but he waved his hand in front of it. The window unlocked and he climbed in. Erik locked the window behind him and he moved down the hall.

None of the other offices were lit up. He kept his hood over his head as he walked into the office, closing the door behind him. Albert looked up as Erik took the hood off, narrowing his eyes. There was a pause, and then Albert put his pen down on the desk.

"Rather late, isn't it Lensherr?" Albert said.

"I think we both know why I'm here," Erik said.

"Enlighten me," Albert said.

Erik gave him a thin-lipped smile.

"A certain manila envelope ring any bells?" he asked.

There as a slight pause and Albert nodded. He swayed slightly in his metal swivel chair.

"Ah, that," he said.

Albert folded his hands on his desk.

"Have a seat," he said.

"I'd like to stand," Erik said.

Albert raised an eyebrow.

"Well, if you're going to be uncivil about it," he said.

"Uncivil?" Erik asked, "You're going to steal my daughters, and you're talking about being civil?"

There was another pause, and Albert laid his hands flat.

"You stole something from me once," he said, "It seems that some sort of exchange should be made."

"Exchange?" Erik hissed.

Albert just laughed.

"I know your type Lensherr," Albert said, "You're the type who comes in, ruins everything, but still gets everything in the end. You just get to keep taking."

Erik narrowed his eyes further.

"She gave me her heart willingly, and Lorna was my daughter to begin with," he said, "They were my family, are my family."

"Well, your family will be less two members in a few weeks," Albert said, "What will your wife think of you then? She does seem to love her daughters so very much."

Flames were dancing in front of Erik's eyes.

"Perhaps I can get her in for some special visits," Albert said, "I am very special friends with the public services officer."

Erik sucked in a deep breath. Albert laughed again.

"What did you expect when you came in tonight?" he asked, "Did you just expect to blunder and bluster about and get your way? Or did you expect to threaten me into submission?"

He shook his head.

"I've planned this very carefully, and for a long time," Albert said, "I had to think of something that would really hurt, but you can't touch me Lensherr. I have people on the stairwell. People saw you come in. Lay a finger on me, and you won't be able to get away with it. I'll have you arrested and your daughters labeled the children of a criminal. Then Susanna really will have no one."

He gave Erik a condescending smile.

"You don't understand what kind of a man you're dealing with," Albert said.

Erik leaned on the back of one of the chairs.

"Oh no," he said, "I know exactly what kind of man I'm dealing with."

He tilted his head towards the wall.

"It's why I came in through the back window," he said.

A slier of uncertainty crossed Albert's face. Erik leaned forwards.

"But, to be frank, you're not a man. You're a monster, plain and simple," he said, "And I know how to deal with monsters. I am one."

For the first time in hours, Erik smiled.

"And I am a much, much crueler monster than you," he said.

Albert opened his mouth to speak, but Erik waved his hand. The chair armrests contorted, bands of metal twisting upwards and tying his arms to the chair. Another two bands from the back of the chair. One wrapped around Albert's throat, and the other around his mouth.

Albert's eyes popped. Erik supposed that he was trying to scream, but the gag was too tight.

"Now that we understand each other," Erik said, sitting on the table, "I think that you need to be fully aware of what is going to happen. You are going to go to the officer tomorrow morning, tell him you made a mistake, and rescind the order. I am going to go home and find my wife delirious with joy that this nightmare is over. She'll find out about this no later than two in the afternoon. I'll ask."

He crossed his arms.

"Any later than that, and I will come and find you," Erik said, "And then, I will kill you. Slowly, but without ever laying a finger on you. No DNA. In fact, I chose these clothes specifically so that I wouldn't leave any prints here tonight."

Erik raised his hand and wiggled his fingers, letting him see that he was wearing gloves.

"And, once you're dead, I'm going to pay the public officer a quick little visit," Erik said, "And then I'm going to keep my daughters. Or maybe he'll try to be bold, or defiant. Then I'll kill him too. Someone may be able to make the link, but there will never be any evidence. And I'll get my money together and move."

He tightened the bonds on Albert's arms, and he slightly tightened the one around his throat. It wasn't enough to really hurt: just enough to make him uncomfortable.

"The bottom line is, I keep my daughters," Erik said, "I keep my wife. I keep everything. And, if you play your hands right, you get to live. Trust me, I'm sacrificing quite a lot in offering you the option of living. Nothing would make me happier than to murder you right here and now."

With a grin he got off his desk and stood up.

"Now, I'm going to remove the gag," Erik said, "And when I do, you're not going to scream. If you do, I'm going to make your fillings burrow into your jaw. Or just snap your neck. I'm not sure yet."

He waved his hand and the metal band around Albert's face rolled back. He also loosened the one around his throat: Erik wanted to hear the fear in his voice.

"You...you're...what are you?" Albert warbled.

"I told you: a monster," Erik said, "But a monster who cares about his family. Now, tell me you agree to my terms."

Albert swallowed.

"I can tell," he said, "I can tell about what you can do."

"Yes, and they would completely believe you when you say that Erik Lensherr can control metal," Erik said, "Very clever Albert. I think there are institutions for people who say that sort of thing."

He folded his arms again.

"Now then, Albert," he said, "You are never going to come near my family again. You will never look at my wife ever again, and you will stay the hell away from the diner. If I ever see you near them ever again, if the government or any other agency threatens them, if they are ever harmed under strange circumstances, I will kill you. And I will enjoy it."

Erik smirked.

"And, to let you know that I'm serious-" he said.

He flicked his wrist. The metal band around Albert's mouth came back and one of Albert's fillings sank back into his jaw. Albert let out a scream, but it was muffled by the band. Erik continued to smirk, and waited until Albert's whimpers had died down. Erik flicked his wrist again, and the bands disappeared. Albert clutched his face.

"Now, by two tomorrow, I want my wife to hear the good news," Erik said, "Understand?"

Albert looked up, rage in his eyes. He launched himself at Erik, but Erik grabbed him by the arm. He twisted his arm behind his back. As he did so, some of the blood from Albert's mouth flew into Erik's face and onto his coat. It pissed him off to have his blood touch him.

"I can kill you right now, if you prefer," Erik hissed, twisting his arm, "Do you understand?"

Albert nodded, blood dribbling from his mouth. Erik released him.

"Tell your men whatever you want about your filling. It's going to sound crazy no matter what you say, but I'd recommend you cracked the tooth," he said, "But understand, I will never let you, or anyone else, touch my family."

Erik pulled up his hood and stormed out of the hallway.

* * *

To say that Lorna was scared was an understatement. She'd been scared ever since her mother had taken her to the strange office. Lorna had seen the way her mother had looked at her father, the fear in her mother's eyes.

So, instead of just going to her room, she had listened at the door. Lorna had heard every word. People were going to try to take her away. Her own tears of despair had been tempered by the knowledge that her parents were going to take her away, save her. It was going to be alright, and she continued to remind herself of that

She was still scared when it was time to go to bed though. After a while she'd been able to fall into an uneasy sleep. A few hours later Lorna heard the door open. She rubbed her eyes and padded towards the door to her room.

Lorna opened the door a crack and peered out. In the dim light from the street she saw her father walk in. He looked tired, and she wondered why he'd gone out. The he turned. Blood was flecked across his face and on his jacket.

Lorna's breath caught and her eyes widened. What on earth was going on? It took her a moment to realize that her father wasn't injured: it was definitely someone else's blood. Her fingers clenched the door frame as her father disappeared into the bathroom. She wanted to call out and ask him, but her voice caught.

As her breathing slowed, Lorna closed the door. She climbed back into bed, not knowing what else she was supposed to do. Hours passed as she stared at the ceiling, falling again into an uneasy sleep, one where she dreamed of street lights, blood, and strange men coming to take her and her sister away.

When she woke up, her father was gone. Lorna sat through the school day in a daze, expecting her mother to come and pull her out at any minute. Then they could come home, pack up, and leave. She fidgeted throughout her entire day, making it difficult to concentrate.

After school let out, she headed towards the diner. Her mother greeted her with a big smile. She wrapped her arms around Lorna and kissed her on the forehead. Lorna had frowned, but gone to the back to wait with her sister. Her mother had seemed so sad the day before, and they were leaving, so she didn't understand.

That night, when her father arrived, Lorna went into her room with her sister to clean up their room. She stayed by the door though, listening.

"Erik, they took it back," her mother said, "They said it was a mistake, that the complaints were withdrawn-"

"It's over?"

"It's over," her mother said, her voice thick with tears, "They're not coming after our girls. Erik-"

There was a silence, and Lorna wondered if her parents were doing kissy things. Her heart felt light though. Things were going to be alright.

"Erik, I don't know how this happened," her mother said, "But I'm thankful. So thankful."

Lorna's mind went back to the vision of her blood-speckled father walking into the living room. She closed her eyes for a moment. Her mother might not know why the complaints were withdrawn, but she did.

"Thank you dad," Lorna whispered.


	23. Chapter 23

November 15, 1961

"The border between East Berlin and West Berlin is currently being solidified. The barbed wire has become a wall, and rumors are growing that expansion will-"

Susanna turned off the radio. She usually listened to news when she was preparing dinner, but lately it had been quite a bit of bad news. Tensions were building between the Soviet Union and America. Tensions had been there before Susanna had even been born, but lately they had taken on a much more sinister turn.

At the moment, however, she couldn't worry about it. She turned away from where she was finishing up with dinner to where Anya was seated next to her. She smiled and picked up a spoon so she could get some of the stew in it.

Careful not to spill any, Susanna fed her daughter the spoonful. Anya smacked her lips.

"Well?" Susanna asked.

"I think it needs pepper," Anya said.

Susanna smiled and added a shake of pepper. Her daughter had been her co-chef ever since she turned four. Anya loved different flavors, and she was helping out a bit at the diner now. It wasn't anything complicated, and Lorna had done similar tasks when she had been younger.

The only difference was that Anya was interested in learning how to cook. She loved to help with any tasks, and seemed to have a real knack for flavors. At least, Susanna thought she did. In a year or two she'd let her create her own simple recipes.

Susanna stirred the stew and gave Anya another spoonful. Anya grinned and gave her a thumbs-up. It was a gesture that she'd learned from her sister, but the cockiness that usually accompanied Lorna's gestures wasn't presence. She was energetic and loved to run, but Anya was also shy around strangers where her sister had been brash and bold.

"Great mama," Anya said.

Susanna turned down the heat on the stew and gestured to the pile of plates.

"Can you help me set the table Anya?" she asked.

"Sure thing," Anya piped up.

She took a few of the plates and then ran off to the kitchen.

"Be careful sweetheart!" Susanna called.

"I will," Anya sang.

Susanna gathered up the rest of the utensils and began setting the table. Her daughter was smiling and humming to herself, her small braids swinging behind her. She was rather tall for her age, but still very small. Susanna couldn't believe that she was already five.

She had just set the last plate down when Erik came home. Lorna was chattering next to him, waving her hand in the air. She'd sent them to the grocery store to go get some bread to go along with the stew, as well as some milk.

"-and then I said that he needed to recheck the answer," Lorna said, "And I was right!"

"You're going to get into trouble talking back to your teachers one day," Susanna said.

Her oldest daughter just shrugged.

"They need better teachers at my school," Lorna said.

"They do need better teachers at your school," Erik agreed, shaking his head.

Anya looked at her mother, her lower lip stuck out in worry. She hadn't begun to attend school yet, and Susanna knew that she had been looking forward to it.

"Am I gonna have any fun at school if the teachers are terrible?" she asked.

"Of course you are," Lorna said, putting a loaf of bread on the table, "You're smart, and cute, and you'll make friends. You'll have fun."

Her daughter's confident voice made Susanna smile, but she could still feel a little trepidation. At fifteen Lorna still didn't have any friends. Susanna knew that there were other teens who Lorna could talk to, but no one that she brought home or even considered friends.

She'd asked Lorna about it once, but her daughter had just grinned.

"I have two best friends," she'd replied, "You and Anya."

It had touched her, but it did worry her a little bit. She couldn't help but worry. However, like the crisis in Berlin, Susanna wasn't going to think about it that day.

"Alright," Erik said, "Why don't you all sit down for dinner? I'm sure that your mother cooked up something good."

"It's real delicious," Anya said.

Susanna ducked her head and walked into the kitchen. It took her a moment to realize that Erik had followed her.

"Missing something?" she asked.

He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I was," he murmured, "I have it now."

"Erik," she said.

She leaned back so that she could meet his eyes.

"Long day?" she asked.

"Yes," Erik said, "Just long hours. Nothing to worry about. Norton's kept the payroll pretty steady though, so I can't really complain."

There was a slight edge in his voice that Susanna didn't entirely understand. However, she knew that Albert had once had a crush on her. While it had been years ago, he hadn't even been at the diner for the past two years, she understood that Erik had his own insecurities and small jealousies that had seemed strange.

She just had to let him know that her heart was his. Susanna knew that he knew that she loved him: he just worried too much about the world. Erik hadn't had any competition when she was a naïve young teenager. Now that she was in her thirties and had two children with him, he still didn't have any competition.

"I love you," she said.

He grinned and cocked his head. She recognized the look in his eye, and she could feel herself blush.

"It's almost dinner time," she said.

"Not for a few minutes," Erik murmured.

One of his hands caressed her face. Susanna giggled as his lips kissed her underneath her earlobe. It tickled, and she knew that he knew it. One of his other hands turned her head so that he could kiss her. Susanna could feel the slight edge of hunger in his kiss, and she sighed.

She still pushed him away, although it was rather reluctant.

"Erik, we have to have dinner now," Susanna said.

He sighed and gave her a side look.

"After?" he asked.

Susanna blushed again, but she gave him the same look back.

"We can talk," she said.

Erik grinned at her before taking the pot off the stove. He poured it into a waiting serving bowl and Susanna got the ladle. They carried the food onto the kitchen table. Anya was staring at her sister, her mouth open. Susanna frowned in confusion and looked to her older daughter, but Lorna was looking nonchalantly out the window.

"Is something wrong Anya?" Susanna asked.

Anya didn't answer.

"Anya?" Susanna asked.

Her daughter blinked and shook her head.

"No mama," she said, "Nothing's wrong."

Susanna frowned again. Erik gave her a side look before shrugging. Susanna brushed the incident off, and then continued on to serve four servings of the stew into the bowls she had set. They said grace, and then began eating.

Dinner was filled with small talk, the kind of talk that a family has when they're together. Susanna loved the simplicity, the closeness of it all. Lorna talked about school and books that she was reading. There were a few TV shows that she enjoyed, and she discussed them and when new records were coming out.

Susanna talked with Anya about the book that they were reading together. She mentioned that she could read her the rest of a book before she went to bed that night. Susanna and Erik briefly touched on work, but dinner was more about their children.

Lorna went away to work on her homework, and Anya went to go get the book. Once they were gone, Susanna and Erik cleared the table, putting the dishes in the sink. It was their turn to do so that night.

"I can do the dishes," Erik said, "Go read to Anya."

Susanna kissed him on the cheek and headed to go see her daughter.

* * *

Anya really liked being read to by her mother. Her mother's voice was very kind and sweet, just like her. She really loved listening to her read to her. Anya wished that she could be exactly like her mother one day.

All the same, she couldn't concentrate on the story. It was important to find out the ending of the book, but something else was preying on her mind. So she just nodded to her mother and smiled at the plot, all the while thinking about what she had seen when her parents went into the kitchen. She couldn't have been imagining it.

When they were done, she needed to go and talk to her older sister. Lorna was tough and smart, and Anya loved her very much. She had always known that her sister was amazing, but it looked like she had never known just how amazing she was.

It was almost time for bed, but she wanted to talk to her sister before she got tucked in. Anya walked into the room she shared with her sister. She was still working on her homework, and Anya figured that she was only halfway through.

She wanted to talk to her though, needed to. She clambered onto her sister's bed.

"I saw what you did at dinner," Anya said.

Lorna stiffened.

"I didn't do anything," she said.

"Yes you did. Can you do it again?" Anya asked.

"Anya, I didn't do anything," Lorna said.

"But I saw you," Anya said, "You moved the fork without touching it. Can you do it again?"

Lorna put her pencil down. She clutched the edges of her book and gnawed on her lip.

"Lorna?" Anya asked.

Her sister bowed her head further.

"If I do it again Anya," Lorna said, "You...you won't tell mom and dad, will you?"

"Why not?" Anya said.

"I just...please don't," Lorna said.

She put aside her book and gave Anya a weird look.

"Just between us sisters, okay?" she asked, "No one else. No matter what."

Anya shrugged and nodded.

"Pinky swear?" Lorna asked.

Anya nodded again and put out her pinky. Her sister locked pinkies with her, and then they shook them. Lorna released her pinky and then dug in her pockets. Anya sat back on her heels, watching with interest. Lorna pulled out a small collection of coins, mostly pennies.

She held out her palm flat. The coins began to vibrate, before they lifted into the air a few centimeters. Anya squeaked in delight as the coins slowly began to orbit shakily around each other. A few of them collided briefly, but stayed in the air.

"Wow," Anya breathed.

Her sister continued to make the coins orbit around each other. Anya leaned in further, watching the different coins in rapt attention. The motion was entrancing, and she tentatively reached out, wanting to touch the coins, feel them move.

There was a knock on the door. The change fell into Lorna's hand and Lorna swiftly put the coins back in her pockets. Anya put her hand down.

"Come in!" Lorna said.

Her mother and father came in. Her mother shook her head when she saw Anya.

"You should be in bed," her mother said.

"Right," Anya said.

She slid off Lorna's bed and climbed into her own. Anya grabbed her stuffed teddy bear and hugged it. Her mother pulled the blankets up to her chin, and her father walked up and kissed her on the forehead. Her mother did the same thing.

"Goodnight Anya," her mother said.

"Night," her father said.

"Goodnight," Anya said.

Her parents turned to Lorna and said the same thing. Her father turned on the night light.

"Don't stay up too late," her mother said, flipping off the light switch.

"Right. Your teachers aren't worth the effort," her father said.

Her mother rolled her eyes and they walked out of the room. Now that the door was shut, Anya looked over at Lorna. Her sister was staring down at her homework with a determined look on her face. Anya had the feeling she wasn't going to repeat the coin trick.

She needed to say something though.

"Lorna?" she asked.

"Yeah?" Lorna asked.

Anya gave her a shy smile.

"What you did...with the coins," she said, "That was cool."

Lorna gave her a small smile. It seemed sad somehow.

"Thanks Anya."

* * *

_**A/N: **Two more chapters to go. _


	24. Chapter 24

September 27, 1962

"Can you lock up tonight?" Ruth asked, rubbing her temples.

Susanna nodded. Her friend had been tired in recent days, and she knew that she was probably coming down with a cold. Locking up by herself was a little creepy, but it wasn't so bad. After everything Ruth had done for her, any help she could give was gladly offered.

In terms of a bigger picture, the world was becoming a darker place as tensions between the Soviet Union and America reached a breaking point. Any opportunity to make the world a little brighter should be cherished.

"There's not much left to do here," Susanna said, "Just a few things to put up, and the door locks behind me."

"Thank you," Ruth said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Susanna said.

She rubbed her temples again and then left. Susanna began to wipe down the counters. She was tired too, but she would be back in her house within the hour. There was just a few extra chores to do.

Lorna had offered to cook dinner that night with Anya helping her. Now that her oldest daughter was sixteen, she was the one who picked Anya up from school. She also did quite a bit of the work at home, and waitressed during the summers. She was so grown up and strong.

She was also growing up to be rather pretty. Lorna had always been a pretty child, but now her prettiness was becoming rather more adult. The boys at school who had once hurled insults at her and pushed her down were looking at, and treating her, differently.

Lorna had noticed. It made her angry.

"They were assholes to me ever since I was six," Lorna spat, "And now they think that a few nice words are going to make me go out with them?"

Erik had chuckled when he heard that, and Susanna had felt inclined to agree with her daughter. Not that she had anything to worry about. Any boy getting too fresh with her was liable to end up with a broken nose, if no worse. Her father had taught her well, and the boys were slowly getting the message that she didn't want them near her.

She still worried about her oldest daughter's lack of friends though. Anya didn't seem to have this problem. She had a few friends now that she was going to school, although she still staunchly ran into Lorna's arms every day. The sisters were close, although Susanna wished that Lorna's fierce independence would give a little soon.

Susanna finished up and left the diner. She pulled her coat closer around her as a few leaves blew past her path. The trees were changing and the weather was getting cooler. She hoped that it would be a mild winter: they were going to have to cut back on the heating bill, and a few other things, if they wanted to cover at least a year for Lorna in college. Her daughter could probably get a lot in scholarships. She was very smart.

"Excuse me?"

Susanna turned around. A young woman was standing behind her, her hands crossed over her chest. She was looking at Susanna with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. Susanna frowned: she hadn't seen her in town before.

Still, it wouldn't do to be rude.

"Yes?" Susanna asked, banishing her frown.

"Susanna Lensherr, right?" the woman asked.

"Sorry?" Susanna said.

The woman just smiled.

* * *

"Anya, could you hand me the tomato sauce?" Lorna asked.

Anya picked up the can and handed it to Lorna. She poured it over the pasta and stirred it. Some of the sauce splashed onto her jeans, and Lorna sighed. She would have to clean those later. Why couldn't she be a little less sloppy?

"When's mom coming home?" Anya asked, "I wanna show her the picture I made in class."

"Soon," Lorna said.

She tasted the pasta. It was alright, but it tasted like she'd left something out.

"How soon?" Anya asked.

The door unlocked. Anya grinned and hurried to her backpack, which was propped up next to the refrigerator. She began digging through it and Lorna walked to the door that led from the kitchen to the living room, shaking her head.

"Hey, mom?" she said, "I think I left something out of the pasta. I followed your recipe but..."

Lorna stared. Her mother was looking at her, her eyes glazed over. Her mouth was open slightly, and her kind and gentle face was vacant. A strange blonde woman was standing behind her, as well as a man with dark hair and impassive eyes.

There was a split second when they just stared at each other. The blonde woman was beginning to smile, and Lorna acted. She raced back and slammed the door to the kitchen. The door didn't lock, but she flung out her hand, summoning the kitchen table with the metal legs.

It scraped across the floor towards her. Lorna was more than just a little frightened by the fact that she could do that, the first time she'd done it in their back yard nearly causing her to scream, but she needed to be able to do it then. It jammed against the door and Anya looked up, the picture in her hands.

Lorna heard a sigh from the other end of the door.

"Should I?" the man said.

"The human's fighting me pretty hard, so I'd prefer that. Gives me a headache. All yours," the woman said.

Lorna had no time to consider what the two freaks were blathering about. She jerked open a drawer and pulled out the butcher's knife. It was heavy and thick, and it felt good to have some sharp metal in her hands.

There was a gust of wind and the door splintered open.

"Nice one Janos," the woman drawled.

He had caused that? Lorna looked to the side, feeling fear shiver through her. Whatever was going on, it wasn't normal. All she knew was that she was dealing with something far beyond her control. Worry for her mother was screaming through her, but so was worry for Anya. She knew that she could only save one of them for sure.

Lorna bit her lip, and made her choice. Forcing herself to be brave, she grabbed her little sister's hand and flung open the door to the backyard. Anya was crying, asking her sister what was going on, but Lorna wasn't about to waste air talking. She could tell her later.

Her sister's feet dragged behind her. Lorna knew that the man was close on her heels and, as fast as Anya was, she wasn't going to be able to run fast enough to get away from the man. He might have caused that wind, which made things more complicated. So when she got outside, she dived behind a nearby fence, pulling her sister with her.

Lorna put a hand over Anya's mouth. She could see the man come out through a crack in the fence. He was looking for them, obviously. She looked over at Anya, whose eyes were fearful. The man and woman knew that she had been there, but they hadn't seen Anya.

Maybe she could buy her sister the minutes she needed to escape and help her mother at the same time.

"I want you to go for the police, do you understand?" Lorna whispered, "Hide, and then run while he's distracted. I know you can run."

A sliver of doubt crossed her mind. Could her sister run fast enough to outrun those freaks? Yes, if Lorna bought her time.

"But..." Anya wept.

"Please," Lorna said.

She kissed her sister's forehead.

"Be brave," she whispered.

Lorna moved around the other side of the fence. The man was looking at their footprints. He seemed unconcerned, but she couldn't figure out why. When Lorna was close enough she gripped the knife a little tighter, and took a deep breath. She could do this. She could be like her father.

She grabbed the top of the fence. Using it to pull herself up, she leapt over it and tackled the dark-haired man. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Anya running off, but she couldn't let the man see it. She smashed his face down even as he got up. One of his hands flailed out, grabbing Lorna's face.

Lorna slashed at his arm with her knife. He cried out and moved back. A moment later his fist connected with her face and she stumbled backwards. He hit her again, but she brought up the knife when his hand went back. There was a cut, but a moment later she was hit in the stomach, and she doubled over.

The pain was blossoming upwards, but she managed to catch her breath. It was time to go on the offense. Lorna put all of her force behind her foot and kicked him in the crotch. He cried out and Lorna punched him in the face. He went down and she kicked him once more in the throat and face.

She gave him another quick kick before looking at the door to her house. She gripped the knife tighter and went in, moving as quietly as possible. Lorna went into the kitchen, clutching the knife to her. A moment later it fell from her hands and she felt her eyes begin to glaze.

Feeling scared Lorna tried to pick up the knife. She couldn't get her fingers to move.

"Brave and stupid," the blonde woman laughed, walking up to her and kneeling in front of her, "You know, Janos said you'd probably come back for your mother, said you wouldn't go far."

The woman reached out. Lorna wanted to jerk away, but she couldn't. Something was still holding her in place.

"He was right."

* * *

Anya felt tears running down her cheeks. She had never been so scared in her entire life. She'd had nightmares, but her parents had always been there to comfort her. She'd crawled into bed with them or her sister when something had scared her. Her sister had always told her that things were going to be fine.

Things were definitely not fine right now though. Her mother was being attacked and she didn't know what was happening to her sister. Where was her father? She didn't know. She had to find the police and tell them what was happening. They could help.

Five blocks away from her house she ran across the street, desperate to get to the other side. A flash of light blinded her and she nearly ran into a car. The car stopped, the brakes screeching. Anya screamed and jumped back. She stumbled over the curb and fell onto the sidewalk, scraping her hands.

The door immediately opened and a woman stepped out, leaving the door open and hurrying to her side. She immediately began to help Anya back up. As she did, Anya saw several other trucks grind to a halt behind the car.

"Are you alright?" the woman asked.

Anya nodded, swallowing and trying to calm herself down. Whoever these people were, they might be able to help her.

"Is she alright?" the driver asked.

"Yes, but I'm driving from now on," the woman snapped, turning around at the driver.

Someone else was getting out of the car too, but Anya couldn't focus on them.

"She jumped out in front of the car!" the man protested, "And if she's fine, we don't have time for-"

"Puh...please," Anya mumbled.

She got shakily to her feet. The woman was helping her, looking at her with concern.

"I need to get to the police, I need to find my father," Anya said, the words coming out in a rush.

"Wait, slow down-" the woman said.

"Let me handle this."

Anya looked up. She saw the other man from the car. His soft eyes were fixed on her. A second later those eyes widened.

"Oh my God," he said.

* * *

Erik rubbed the back of his neck and walked up the lawn to the apartment. It had been a long day, and he was getting tired. The weather was colder too, which made his hands crack and bleed. Lorna was going to cook pasta that night, and he was looking forward to that.

He took out a key and unlocked the door. Susanna and Lorna were sitting quietly in the living room, staring down at a book. Erik raised his eyebrows when he came in, locking the door behind him. Neither his wife or daughter looked up.

"What are you reading? Must be interesting," he said.

His wife looked up. Her eyes were glazed, but he could see tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Susanna?" Erik asked.

Alarmed he walked in front of her, putting a hand on her cheek.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What's wrong is that my dear Emma is keeping your little wife's mind in check. Her and your daughter. She's fully aware of what's happening, thus the tears, but she can't do anything."

Erik felt fear, such as he hadn't felt since he was a child in a room with his mother's life in the balance. He turned and saw a nightmare walk into the room, followed by a bloodied man with dark hair and a blonde woman.

"Hello Erik," Schmidt said.


	25. Chapter 25

September 27, 1962

Erik leapt to his feet, but a sharp pain filled his mind. He dropped to his knees, and Schmidt laughed.

"Now Erik, did you really think that I would confront you without some sort of back-up plan?" he asked, "I remember how upset you were last time I did something to one of your relatives. I can't imagine that this reaction would be any different for your lovely wife and daughter."

"This is giving me a headache," the blonde woman said.

"Patience Emma," Schmidt said.

He crouched down in front of Erik. Erik could feel his hands trembling with anger.

"It's been so long Erik," he said, "I thought you'd dropped off the map entirely. Then one of my newest money launderers tells me an incredible story."

He waved his hand towards Susanna.

"Apparently he'd wanted some woman and, to get revenge on her for choosing another man, decided to take her children away," Schmidt said, "But then the husband came in, and threatened him into withdrawing the complaint. The story is only really unusual when we get into the methods, and I just had to check."

Erik felt his blood freeze. Albert. He should have killed him when he'd had the chance.

"I think it's time we had a nice little chat," Schmidt said, "But, just like the camp, I can't have you misbehave. Make any other sudden movements, and I'll have Emma kill the two of them, starting with your daughter. It just takes a thought. Have I made myself clear?"

Erik gritted his teeth. He cast a desperate glance at Susanna and Lorna. They were both still staring impassively ahead, the tear tracks on Susanna's cheeks the only sign that they were still alive. It only leant credence to what Schmidt was saying. Susanna wouldn't sit idly by while her daughter was threatened, and Lorna would be fighting.

In fact, it looked like she had been fighting. A bruise was already forming on Lorna's cheek. He couldn't tell where Anya was, and that worried him beyond words. Swallowing hard, his body obeyed him enough so he could nod. Schmidt laughed and clapped his hands.

"Wunderbar!" he said, "Now then, how has your progress been coming along these past few years?"

He got up and grabbed Lorna's chin. Erik could feel the rage building in his veins. How dare he touch his daughter? Was he the reason that she had a bruise on her face? What had happened while he was gone? He wanted to hurt him, but he still couldn't move. Erik needed an opportunity.

A moment later, he caught movement outside of the window. His eyes flicked around. No one else seemed to have seen it. Perhaps he would get an opportunity after all.

"I can see that you certainly got busy creating a family, judging by the age of your eldest daughter," Schmidt said.

A slight frown creased his forehead. He let go of Lorna's face.

"Where is your youngest by the way?" he asked, "Anya, was it?"

Erik had to suppress a sigh of relief. At least he didn't have her.

"She was the only one at the house," the dark-haired man said, his eyes bitter as he looked at Lorna.

Despite the situation, satisfaction stole over him as he took in the man's battered appearance. It looked like Lorna had gotten a few good hits in.

"Emma, tell me what happened," Schmidt said.

Emma tilted her head and pursed her lips.

"It looks like Lorna sent her for the police," she said.

"That means that we're going to be moving you all a little sooner than we expected," Schmidt said, "Now-"

The door shattered inwards. Erik managed to turn his head in time to see a SWAT unit move in. The back door opened and a man and a woman came in, each of them carrying guns. He thought that he could see a third figure as well, but he was keeping back.

Emma narrowed her eyes before widening them in confusion and surprise. Whatever keeping Erik down disappeared. He jumped to his feet and punched her as hard as he could in the face. Getting his family free was his first priority. Blood spurted from her nose and she stepped back.

Lorna kicked out from where she was, knocking the woman to the ground. Bullets were flying and Erik hurried towards the couch. As much as he wanted Schmidt to suffer, he couldn't let any harm come to his family. He could come back for Schmidt: they had to be taken to safety immediately. He couldn't have that monster near them.

Susanna had already wrapped her arms around Lorna by the time he reached them, obviously planning on moving her away. Erik put his own arms around them, shielding them as he tried to move them towards the back door. The bullets moved into the wall and he moved them away, trying to be as discreet as possible.

He pulled them into the kitchen, away from the chaos. The small group were still shooting, but only an auburn-haired woman was looking at them. Lorna was looking back into the living room, her eyes livid. Her attention vacillated between the scene and her mother.

Susanna looked somewhat nauseous, but the hand gripping his shoulder was strong.

"Where's Anya?" she said, looking at Lorna.

"Like the bastard said, I sent her to get the cops," Lorna said, "I guess she found them."

"She's outside," the auburn-haired woman said, moving over to them but keeping her gun level with the scene in the living room, "We've been looking for Shaw for ages, and then the one girl who can lead us to him jumps out in front of our car."

"Scared the shit out of us," the man said.

He ducked around the side of the wall and fired another shot. The man who had hung back had a hand to his temples and was wincing. Erik ignored them for the moment, still checking his family for injuries. They both looked confused, but besides the slight bruise on Lorna's face, they were fine.

"What's going on?" the woman said.

"She's blocking me somehow," the other man said, "I'm afraid I'm not going to be much help..."

"Sonuvabitch," the first man said.

He reloaded his gun.

"MacTaggert, get the civilians to safety," he said.

"I'm not just leaving Levine-" MacTaggert began.

"Not a request!" Levine said.

He fired off two more shots, but it looked like something was happening in the living room. Erik risked a look. Schmidt, Shaw, whatever his name was, was standing in the middle of the room. Red energy surrounded him, and a smirk was on his lips. Although the energy was new, the smirk wasn't, and he knew that it was never good.

"We need to leave," Erik said, "All of us! Right now!"

He didn't bother to see if the people behind him were responding. He didn't even know exactly what was going to happen, only that it would be bad. Erik just grabbed Lorna and Susanna, pushing them out the back door and towards the street. There were footsteps behind him. Apparently they had taken him seriously.

An explosion rocked the ground. Erik fell down. He saw Susanna tumble over a few feet away, Lorna's hand still clenched in hers. Erik pushed himself up as he surveyed the small group of SWAT personnel still on the ground. Several of them were scorched, and only a few of them were alive.

He began moving towards Susanna and Lorna when Schmidt stepped out, the dark-haired man and Emma with him. Emma had changed, her skin now made of glittering diamond. Erik saw Schmidt's eyes flicker over to his family. Erik got up, stepping in front of them.

Overhead he heard a whirring noise. Erik glanced up and saw two helicopters coming in. Schmidt sighed.

"Sorry for the interruption Erik," he said, "We'll have to continue this at another time. But I thought a little souvenir was in order. Did you find her?"

There was a flash of black smoke. A demon was standing behind Schmidt. A demon that was holding Anya.

"Daddy!" she screamed.

He didn't think: just reacted. Erik threw his hand out. One of the trucks that had carried SWAT personnel came apart, the individual pieces flying through the air towards the group. He could angle them away from Anya: he knew he could.

The metal shards embedded themselves in the ground. One knocked Emma back, and the other sliced Janos's shoulder. Schmidt calmly stepped around them, and there was another flash of black smoke. The demon was gone and panic rose inside him.

He reappeared several feet back, one of his knives to Anya's throat. She was crying and he could hear Susanna calling her name. MacTaggert, Levine, and the other man were getting to their feet, but Erik couldn't rely on them. He had never relied on anyone before, and now was not a good time to start.

"One move," the demon said.

Erik knew he could move the knife. It would be delicate without using his hands to focus his concentration, but he could do it. He was just about to when the sword moved of its own accord, flying out of the demon's hand.

The demon stared in surprise. Anya blinked for a moment before biting his hand. It made him swear and drop her. His daughter dropped to the ground and scurried towards him. Erik ran forwards as the demon disappeared in a cloud of black smoke again. He gathered his daughter in his arms and turned to the side at the smell of sulphur. The demon was back.

A piece of debris smashed into him before he could move, knocking him to the ground. Erik whipped his head around towards where it had come from. Lorna was standing up, her eyes glowing green and her teeth clenched.

He stared. She could control metal? He had passed his ability on to his daughter? Lorna had never said, never even hinted. As he watched, green streaks threaded through her hair. They twirled with the brown hairs before completely consuming them.

The wind picked up. The dark-haired man was doing something, and Erik began reaching for any metal in the area. He turned and saw Susanna getting back to her feet, helped by the unnamed man. The wind was pushing them off their feet, and Erik flicked his hand. A piece of the truck smashed into him and sent him to the ground.

The men with guns surrounded the man immediately. Slow clapping reached his ears, and Erik looked up at Schmidt.

"Well done Erik, but it looks like we'll have to continue this another time," Schmidt called.

Another time? Another opportunity for Schmidt to live, to come after him, after his family? Erik growled. He put Anya down and pushed her behind him.

"Get over here you sonuvabitch!" Erik yelled.

"Another time," Schmidt laughed.

Erik ran forwards, but the demon appeared next to Schmidt. There was a cloud of black smoke, and he was gone. There was another cloud, and Erik saw Emma disappear with them. Then, there was nothing.

He froze, his mind whirring away. His mind flickered with images of what had almost happened, what he had almost lost. Anya had had a knife held to her throat, something had been done to his wife and Lorna. They could have all been taken from him, and the man responsible was still out there.

"It appears that you were right MacTaggert," Levine said, "Definitely more than communism going on here."

"You think?" MacTaggert said, her voice irritable, "Levine, we've just lost our best lead. They could be anywhere."

The dark-haired man groaned. Erik growled and stalked over to him. He pushed aside two of the gunmen and picked him up by the front of his shirt. The man's eyes popped in alarm and Erik pulled back his fist, hitting him in the face.

The man jerked back.

"Where is he?" Erik snarled.

The man glared at him and Erik hit him again.

"Where?!"

He could hear voices dimly yelling at him, but they were overshadowed by the pulse in his ears.

"You were the one who hit my daughter, weren't you?" he said, "You tell me where Schmidt is right this damn minute or I swear to God I will kill you!"

The man just looked up at him and smirked.

"Erik, right?" he said, "He told us about you. You should know...better than to withhold what he wants."

Erik took in a sharp breath. He could still remember the bang of the gun, the dead, cold feeling inside of him. He remembered the year of torture and terror, of the absolute despair. The man was laughing even louder now.

"Maybe you need to be reminded."

Something snapped. Erik pulled his fist back, smashing again and again into the man's face. Blood splashed onto him and he could hear the yelling increase. Arms tried to restrain him, but he shook them off. More blood coated his face and hands, but the man still wasn't dead yet-

_You need to stop!_

The voice took Erik back, but he didn't stop. It reminded him too much of Emma.

_Get the hell out of my mind!_ he screamed.

_Listen to me,_ the voice said,_ I know what he did to you. I know what you're afraid of. But you're killing him!_

He didn't bother to answer the voice this time.

_For God's sake Erik, they're watching!_

The thought brought him up short. He turned and looked over his shoulder. Susanna was staring at him, her face etched with pain and fear. She'd turned Anya's head away, so his youngest daughter was merely buried in her arms. Lorna was looking at him though, something panicked and strange in her eyes. They'd seen it all.

He looked back down at the man in his grasp. He couldn't see the full extent of the damage, but his face was covered in blood. A hand dropped on his shoulder. The man with brown hair was standing next to him, his blue eyes intense.

"What...who are you?" Erik asked.

"Charles Xavier," he said, "I'm like you."

He looked over his shoulder.

"You and your daughter," he said.

Erik followed his gaze, his breathing hard and his head pounding. Lorna was looking down, her hands rubbing her arms. Anya had started crying and Susanna had picked her up. His wife wouldn't meet his gaze.

Other officers were swarming the scene, and Erik could see a crowd forming. They were keeping them back: he could see Levine leading them in forming a smi-circle. MacTaggert was standing next to his family, talking to them in a hushed voice.

"We've been tracking Shaw for awhile," Charles said, his voice low, "We might not have been able to find him in time if not for your daughter. I have a feeling that things might not be over for your family yet though."

Erik closed his eyes. He could feel the rage building again, but he couldn't let them see it. Not again. It was likely that it had already done irreparable damage. He'd seen the look in their eyes. His own family would fear him now.

As for Susanna, she wouldn't just fear him. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would hate him. She had trusted him, and he had done this to her, to them. His heart sank, but it also steeled. He just needed to keep them safe. Erik could live with her hating him as long as she and his family stayed alive. That was all he wanted.

If he repeated it enough, it sounded something like the truth.

"I think you should come with us," Charles said.

Erik looked at him, wiping the blood off his face.

"You're going after Schmidt?" he asked.

"Yes," Charles said.

"Can you keep my family safe?" Erik asked.

He knew his voice was skeptical. Charles sighed.

"I think that after tonight the higher ups might understand that guns aren't going to solve this problem," Charles said, "But I think that you can do better with us than if you were on your own."

Erik wiped his hands on his shirt. He looked back at his family. Susanna still wasn't looking at him, but Lorna was. There was a flicker of faith in her eyes amongst the other things, as though willing him to explain everything.

He doubted that he could. However, he could still make the right choice for them.

"Fine," he said, "We'll go with you."

* * *

_**A/N: **The next story, "Abandoning Peace," will come out in about three weeks and pick up directly after this, following the events of First Class. My internet access is about to get real patchy, but it should clear up around then. If not, I'll make sure that you all know. _

_When I wrote "Uncommon Knowledge" I had intended it as a oneshot. However, a few reviews and my own overactive imagination pushed me to make it into a multi-chapter story. I wanted to do a story where Erik raised Lorna with Susanna that eventually followed the First Class plot for a while. _

_Speaking of Lorna, she's based on the X-man Polaris. Like her father she can control metal, but part of her mutation resulted in her getting green hair. In "Wolverine and the X-Men" Lorna is shown as something of a "daddy's girl," but in this case daddy has some sociopathic tendencies. Throughout the course of this fic Lorna has learned several lessons from her father, not all of them good. All of these will affect her behavior in the next story. _

_Little is known from the comics about Lorna's mother, Susanna Dane. The House of M explores her a little more, and it seems that Erik genuinely did care about her and their child. In the fic Susanna's love and compassion give her the ability to take all of Erik's possessive and violent tendencies, as well as his dominating personality, in stride. Her own belief in his inner goodness and her own loss in the past also bear weight. However, how she reacts to the last scene of this fic after everything they've been through is yet to be seen. _

_This brings me to Anya. Anya is actually based on Magneto's eldest daughter, the full sister of the Maximoff twins. Sadly Anya died young in a house fire set by an angry mob. It was another tragic element to Erik's past, and I was eager to use her character in a story where she was able to grow up a little. _

_I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed, especially those who didn't enable private messaging or signed in as guests. Also, a special shoutout to Orihime-san, Princess-Amon-Rae, Fanatic4Fiction, and DrangySmallfoot!_


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